A Rebel Grows in the Garden

My life is always a little sweet and a little savory, a little sour and a little salty, a whole lotta hot and a whole lotta cold.  You know it.  You experience all the textures, just like I do.  Some feel better than others, at least that's what we tell ourselves.  Truth is, it's all fucking beautiful!  All of it.

When you observe life through the unrestricted lens of the "non-attached observer", and judgment and criticism goes by the wayside, it's a pretty beautiful view.  Arrogance, fear and control also can not exist on this plane.  The only thing that exists is, trusting in All That Is.  And, "All That Is" is beautiful.

Come on up to the mountain top (this is a real place of peace within).  Sit.  Breathe deeply.  Softly gaze at all there is to see.  I spend most of my time here now.  I now navigate my life from this perspective.  It's taken my whole life to get here and I loved every step.  It has been an amazing climb.  There were plenty of times I thought I wouldn't make it.  There were plenty of times the thought of quitting occurred to me.  But I never quit.  I had a lot of help!  I asked, pleaded and prayed for help, strength and guidance and by the grace of God, and by my sheer will, I persevered.

Needless to say, I shall not be going back down any time soon.  I'm going to enjoy this warm mOment for now.

Close your eyes.  Look and breathe from your heart.

There is a mighty tender view here, a most holy circumstance.  The only things that exist here are you and now, your beating heart, your breath, your incredible capacity and ability to see and deeply love all of creation, with your intention.  Source is also here doing the same thing, loving the whole of creation.  Through you, in you and about you, Source (God, Jesus, Great Spirit, Creator - the One who has many names and no name) is, always was and ALWAYS will be.

Breathe all of that in.  This is a really beautiful place to see.  I love seeing from this view.

There is still plenty of time to be all that you came here to be.  It only takes a mOment to lean into the softness of the magic soul soil again, to come down from fearful, lofty illusions and climb into one of the inner, soulful mountains of trust and deep knowing.  Look again with the eyes of your inner child who smiles towards the Cosmos that you are.  Take one purposeful step up inside toward peace again.  Lean your whole life and soul in this time.  It's deeper, wider and higher than you remember.  It's more than what you thought from that old, arrogant perspective.  It's always more real and vibrant than we give it credit for.  It never dulls.  It always shines.  It's light after all.  And, LIGHT is more you than you are you.


Look up with hands in the soil of your life again.  You are planting a beautiful garden of memories and stories, successes and failures, beliefs, myths, reasons, patterns, and programs.  This is the technology of your life.  You can become a proficient and skilled Master of this technology.  All the keys and directives are deep within.  Yup!  Sure you can read inspiring and very thought provoking materials, but the Godhead, Source, Light, Spark of Divinity lies deep within.  You must go within.  There are mountains (beautiful mountains that your soul deeply knows and desires to return to, more than anything) of love just waiting for you but it does take some beautiful effort getting to, otherwise we'd all be here together by now.  There is an exchange for information.  You lean in, you put forth the effort, you sweat a little, you climb a little, and you get way more in return than you could have ever bargained for.

You know with just a little sincere introspective, a key (code, instruction, idea) will be given to you.  A key, when used, will unlock the next part of the path that leads to the most amazing love vistas and love plateaus.  It's all about expanding consciousness and connecting to your Creator on a very deep and very spiritual level.

You probably have some keys lying around the house just begging to be used.  You may have thought they were useless, you know the ones;  forgiveness, unconditional love, non-judgement, service to others, selflessness, kindness, goodness.  Perhaps they didn't shine just right, or perhaps they were tiny and seemed insignificant.  Perhaps you were concerned about what others would think of you if you used them.  So what?!  Who cares what others think?  (The Ego that's who, but that's a chakra of a different color ;).  Use them.  Use those keys!!  You must.  They are precious gifts.  They are precious alchemy.  Not one should ever be wasted.  And, no new keys are given until all keys are used anyway, so if you're stuck, and you cannot move forward, go find the key that opens up the door that seems to be blocking your progress.

It's just cosmic sense.

This is all about becoming the peaceful, loving, light Source energy being that you truly are.  Whenever we go in the opposite direction, there is a real drag of energetic frequency.  You feel it.  Everybody does.  Vibe up.  Breathe.  Smile.  You got this.

Remember, it's much easier leaning into happiness than holding onto an energetic grudge of any kind.  It takes much more energy and effort to do the latter, so embrace the former and let it go!  Then you will truly be "going with the flow" of energy in it's most natural and most powerful state.  Just be sure to clean up the energetic residual with a ritual, i.e., a sincere conversation to 'clear the air', apologies,  forgivenesses, hugs and sincere desires to move forward from a healthy, supportive place, sage, palo santo, etc..  Healthy growth happens in healthy souls and environments.  The land must always be tilled before new seeds can be planted.  Again, just cosmic sense ;) tee hee.

This beautiful life is all about becoming the master of your own vibration, the master of your own co-creations, the master of your own emotions and experiences.  No one is making you anything.  You are doing it all.  Look inside at all that you've created and if there is anything you do not particularly love, look at it again with more love this time.  Thank it and make a prayer about good change that could come to it.  Create something you love right there using the old bones of what didn't work.  Bless your creation.  Do not criticize it.  Let it be rocket fuel to your growing knowing.  Gratitude and appreciation will bless everything you do if you welcome it in and add it to your garden.

Our lights surely shine together.  We can root new seeds of passion in this beautiful light, a much higher truth.  We can unite and we can root new seeds of kindness, becoming and growing into so much more together.

This is my vision of beauty and love.  I love peace.  I love beauty and I love love (I also love gardening lol!).  What else can I say?  This is what I have become.

What are you becoming?

Oh, and I couldn't have gotten here without a rebellious attitude.  It's been too much for many, and not enough for some.  It's been just right for me.

Here's a rebellious video for you below.  You've probably seen it before, and I just love it.  I am not the status quo.  God forbid.  No, heaven did not make me that way.  Put it this way, I love vanilla ice cream, but there is nothing vanilla about me.

 #thisisit

Life Springs Forth

While Spring may be 24 hours away, I can feel the seeds of newness, joy and miraculous possibilities springing forth inside of me. I no longer feel that blanket of doubt and fear. I believe I have truly come out the other side.

My beloved Cricket is amongst the stardust as I type. My two favorite guys in the whole world (truth be told there are a few more favs) are on the glorious mend and I am happy, delighted, relieved and not surprised, that I am cancer free.

This moment is full of potential and life and while life may still be challenging, and who doesn't love a good challenge, I am completely up for it. I feel like a newborn looking out of new eyes for the first time and all that I see is glorious. I can't quite explain it yet. There is something more going on inside. I am not who I used to be and I think I am heading for some major changes that will propel me into the being I have been sculpted to be. There are no coincidences. There is a master plan and I feel that I have just stepped into the magical steps that are my life.

All is well and as it should be. It always has been, but there is a certain clarity, fearlessness, appreciation, and love that I am only just now beginning to realize. These have always been inside of me but life acts as the watering can to induce growth in stagnant places. Once you turn toward the light, the light springs forth and waters, nurtures and more than grows. There is some serious growing going on....just in time for Spring.

I am truly grateful and happy to be alive. I know I have work to do, souls to heal, people to teach. Thanks be to God for I am truly on the path to fulfilling my life's purpose.

life is so good yo!

There are just so many things, places and people to be thankful for. I am so very thankful everyday and it's nice to watch the rest of America unite in harmony giving thanks for their many blessings. All media, social and otherwise, is saturated with kind words, wishes and table settings fit for royalty with feasts more than worthy. The many family photo's of time spent with loved ones is really what it's all about. It's beautiful to observe and I pray that this Spirit of gratitude permeates every molecule in existence and extends to the ends of the earth. The world needs this. I am so very grateful for my life. I am so very grateful for all those that are in it. My heart overflows with appreciation for all the blessings God has bestowed upon me. My only hope is that I use the rest of my life to help humanity in whatever way God has preordained. There is more work to be done. I am also grateful for the work and I pray I rise to the occassion. I am saluting the me that I will be a year from now. I am manifesting some serious change and as I am doing that doors are opening and opportunities are presenting themselves. I know that God has a future for me -- it's the one I'm currently creating and getting in line with and it's vastly different than the ones I've created in the past. As this human evolves so do circumstances. As this human changes the ways in which I navigate the world evolve. It's intrinsic and fascinating to be a part of. I am so very grateful for this mysterious, wonderous, magical, love-filled, miraculous, unbelievable thing we call l i f e . And if I haven't told you lately, I love you and I l o v e life ;) it's good yo!

dancing in the light

No matter what, keep pushing forward.

Some days are easier than others and when you reflect back on hard times, hopefully you will be kind to yourself.  Hopefully you will paint a picture that reminds you of the extraordinary person and situation you have found yourself in.  Living in these times is a miracle, a struggle, an unbelievable journey of discovery.

Pushing forward to me means marking this very extraordinary year in my life with success, love for self and others, forgiveness, healing, wisdom and great health,;  physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I will be 50 this year and I feel that finally, I am more willing to look at the who of what I am, and the what.

Personal identity is different for everyone.  I've always been very comfortable belonging to God.  I've always felt the complete devotion and surrounding love of God despite my comings and goings.  It's as if the times I wandered the furthest away God was somehow watching me and willing me closer.  I've never felt abandoned or even judged by God.  I can say that in prayer, however, God has gently revealed the flaws that this human needed to change.  God would nudge me one way or the other, and if I were smart and paying attention, I would modify that behavior and reap the reward for obedience.  I remember being criticized by those closest to me because they couldn't understand this relationship.  It didn't matter to me though, it was and is truly who I am at my deepest core.  I am a child of God.  I can say that and hold my head up high.  This kind of love is AGAPE love - it is selfless, spiritual and Godly.

I am completely drawn and consumed in this love.  I always have been.  I remember as a child being in the nursery school convent with the Sisters feeling this Spirit and loving every minute of It's presence.  I remember praying in Latin and singing hymns in Catholic school shortly thereafter.  I was too young to articulate what I was feeling or seeing, but it would carve out my life's identity and purpose.  As class progressed, I was introduced to Jesus, and He has changed my life forever. 

I remember reading from my Good News Testament about Mary, Jesus and His disciples, the feeding of the five thousand and the miraculous healings.  I remember Jesus being very tender and loving.  I remember being very upset by what would follow.  The cruelty and madness that would eventually take my Lord's life was mindblowing.  It still is.  How could people do such things?

I had a crucifix in my bedroom at that time.  It was very well made.  I know because everynight I would remove the nails from Jesus's hands and feet.  I would take Him down from His cross and give Him rest.  I couldn't all together understand the crucifixion at that young age, except that I couldn't stand to see Him suffer, hanging on that cross.  Unfortunately, I had to put Him back though.  My Mother, Joan, taught me to put everything back where I found it, and Jesus was no exception.  Unwillingly, I would obediently return my Saviour to His suffering.

Of course and most thankfully, we all know that Jesus rose from the dead and is alive and well.  The cross is a symbol of His sacrifice for us.  He died so that we may live - and live abundantly.  He suffered the sins of all of us, so that whomsover believes in Him will have eternal life.  Talk about forgiveness.

When Jesus says "Father forgive them for they know not what they do", I'm pretty sure He's still taking about you and me today.  Two thousand years ago and then some, Jesus dies on the cross for all sinners, and yet we're still sinning.  We're still so full of ourselves, like the Jews and Romans of His time, so sure that our posture is perfect and our thinking is not distorted.  Jesus knows better.  Spirit knows better.  Mary and the Angels know better. 

That kind of thinking is what the real warfare is about.  Thoughts that stir the heart into deeds despicable.  Things we do to ourselves, our own families and children, our neighbors.  It's as if we've learned nothing - but that's not the case.  These things need to happen.  Read the Book of Revelation.  Jesus' time has not yet come.  He will come for His church, His long-suffering church.  He will come for those that He has called, that stand with Him and pray for peace, love and forgiveness.  And what a mighty fine day this will be.  I am waiting and waited still for this day.

I am a warrior for God and I have signed up for the long haul.  I can not wait to see what my heart has yearned for these past 50 years.  I am so very grateful for my life, this human experience, and all that I've learned.  I am a divine child of the Most High Spirit that is God and I couldn't be happier with the who and what that I am and am still becomming.

Jesus, I am still so in love with you, let's go dancing in the light.

My Life Has Meaning

It looks as if I'm becoming a seasonal blogger and that's not too cool.  I really want to spend more time here exploring and documenting the turns and twists in my life, but life gets busy right?  Season after emotional season.  Even though, not writing since February?  That's just not right....so, I'll try to write more, okay?

Happy Spring!  It's just starting to look a little like Spring around Northern New Jersey.  While the rest of the country is experiencing the most tumultuous weather patterns, we're just recovering from some of the worst flooding this Garden State has ever seen.  Ask any old timer though, this is not new.  Weather has been doing this kind of damage and destruction since the beginning of time.  Still, with the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, the earthquakes in Haiti, Christ Church, New Zealand, and the tornadoes in the mid-west of the U.S. - it's a bit much.  What can you make of it?

But enough about the weather.  I'm just starting to feel like myself again.  I've been going through so many changes these past twelve or so months.  I think God is carving out a special place in my heart for only Spirit to inhabit.  There are so many emotions, thoughts, preconceived notions, and just plain things I thought I knew that frankly, I'm beginning to see, no one can ever know.  Life is mysterious.  Love is even more so it seems.

I'm beginning to think that my heart is called to love on a much bigger level than on a case by case basis.  Sure it's fine to be in relationships and have feelings for one another on a small, intimate scale.  Sometimes, life's most precious challenges are found therein, but I think my Spirit is driven toward the world at large.  I find myself thinking about all of the inhabitants on earth - all my brothers and sisters, and what they're facing, how they're coping, how they're living, and I'm compelled to pray for them, for us.  I'm compelled to hold humanity in prayer and light and send love and healing to them by virtue of intention, and Reiki, through prayer and meditation.  The more I do it, the more I'm driven to do it and it's a constant thought in my head and feeling in my heart.  I'm not sure if I'm putting it there or not.  It's always been there since as long as I can remember.

God definitely is calling me out of the more traditional relationships - or maybe I've just been too hurt by them to spend my energy on something that never comes back to me for the long haul.  I really want to be a part of something that produces fruit.  I want to produce fruit for God's Glory, you know?  I've tried to produce it for my own and it didn't work.  I'm pretty much done with that, at least for now.

Two nights ago, I gave a Reiki lecture at MSU that was really rewarding.  I was afforded the opportunity to speak to young, college minds studying world religion and hopefully some seeds were planted that God will water.  That being said, I just wish one of those students smiled at me while I walked the campus.  I was consciously walking through, on my way to University Hall to speak and while walking, passed many students who just seemed weighed down and disconnected.  This compels me, even more, to speak words of hope into their ears and maybe even their souls, so that they may 'live and prosper', for real.

I did tell them that too.  I told them that I wished just one of them smiled at me.  Turns out, many of them stayed behind after the lecture just to hug me.  They went far beyond what I had hoped was in their hearts.  

I'm so looking forward to the next phase in my life and I seem to find myself saying that a lot, but it's the truth.  For me, life is a world of learning experiences that lead you from one level or plateau, to another.  It's an upward, at times struggling climb that one takes on for the soul purpose of leading a well lived life.  Learning from experiences and becoming a better person, serving the world and community at large seems to be for me, the point of existence.  Helping.  Healing.  Loving.  Serving.  Supporting.  SHARING.  And the list goes on.

Walking The Straight Path

Today is a great day. Indeed, I usually say that about most days, unless something terrible has happened and even then, I'm learning to see that that too is a great day. I feel really well. In fact, my wrist is doing things I haven't done in months and I am gratefully relieved.

I'm exercising, doing yoga and getting back to what I would consider normal and that is what I'm all about and today I felt the best I've felt in months. I know I'm starting to repeat myself, but I cannot over emphasize this seeing as how it took everything I had in me to get back to this place. Giving up was not an option and honestly, the hard work is paying off. It always does.

And my journey? It continues but on a much deeper and yet somehow lighter level. I wanted to get to the next level. I called this all into existence...this and some other things that I shall not mention. But let's just say be careful what you think about, what you wish for, what you call into existence because ultimately it will fall right in your lap and if you don't know what to do with it...you surely will find out and let's hope you're a fast learner.

I've been a fast learner and yes, lessons do repeat themselves if you don't learn them the first time. You see them coming from a mile away but it's too late. You're smack dab in the middle of it shaking your head wondering how you got there. But sanity speaks to the soul and says...you...you brought yourself here. It has always been that way and it always will be that way.

So....where do you want to go? Or, better question...where are you? Are you okay where you are or do you need to make some navigational changes about where you're heading?

Don't be afraid to make changes. You're supposed to.

Like...becoming more conscious about our choices and our decisions. Things don't just randomly happen to us. Typically. Sure, very occasionally a meteor will fall from the sky and hit someone's house, but other than that, we've created the lives we have. This is not random. And when I say 'the lives we have', I mean the way you feel about your life is entirely up to you. Many things are outside of your ability to manipulate them because there are other people involved, but for the most part, you can speak great joy and triumph into your circumstances with your beliefs alone.

If you believe something can get better, it can. It's that simple. On the other hand, if you believe that it cannot, well, that is also true...it cannot.

Which mindset would you rather embrace? For me personally, you already know. I will not settle for less.

It can always get better and with a lot of hard work, it can get best.

So, my arm is going to be completely whole. It already is, I just haven't crossed that day yet. It is in the not too distant future because I have called it into being and just as I am back to typing 90 wpm with very little effort, doing yoga and working towards a 90 degree angle in my wrist, this too shall pass.

That being said, I'm going to try to be a little more careful about what I'm calling into being. No more broken bones. No more hand surgery or any other surgery for that matter. I can appreciate pain, long-suffering, healing, patience, and a whole list of virtues now that perhaps I hadn't in the past. Please God, continue to make my path straight, straight into the Light of your will.

What Are You Reaping?

You've been sowing in your garden of life for a long, long time now. You've been planting and pruning and weeding and feeding. You've been watching the light and darkness and how it floods and hides. You've been listening and hopefully learning some.

You are producing something in your garden. It is indeed growing something. I can see it from here. I can also sometimes feel it from here.


Is it what you had hoped it would be? Is your garden rich with life and fruit and goodness?


Will your crop be a harvest? Will you need extra hands to carry all the goodness that you've created or will one handful suffice?


My hope for you is that you would mindfully sow in your garden of life. Sure a weed will grow and try to choke the life out of your fruit. But if you're mindful about your garden, the choking weeds will not stand a chance.

On the contrary. They will be fearful to grow anywhere near your seeds of righteousness, but they will grow nonetheless. Be careful then, to make sure your garden is growing the fruits that you choose. The fruits of endless possibilities!

Now go grow!

I'm Sorry That I Hurt You

Forgiveness is underrated.

What will you do with your love today if not love the unlovely?

We were all there at one time or another...perhaps you've not been there yet.

Either way, I forgive you and I love you.

Melancholy Baby

Today was a sort of melancholy day for me...and something that always makes me feel better is a little Paul Simon.

This Is Your Life

Are you who you want to be?

by Switchfoot

Get Back To Creation

Some people believe that God has a plan for our lives; a specific, detailed, pre-determined plan that we somehow have to get in line with in order to fulfill our purpose in this lifetime.

Some people believe that creation is holding a thought long enough in your head until it materializes from nothing into something. That creation is believing really, really hard that something exists, even though it doesn't.

As for God having a plan for our lives - He has given us free will. That in and of itself puts a monkey wrench into the best laid plans. Our will vs. His will? Sure He should win, but while we're here on earth - not so much.

So does that mean that we're all going to hell because our free will has taken us off course from God's divine and holy plan for our lives?

No. Not even close.


Creation and 'God's plan' are one in the same for humanity. 'God's plan' for our lives is that we realize we are one with Him in creation and in fulfilling our lives destiny. Our destiny is to create.

All's we need to do is get in line with what we want to create and create it.

Create what? Well, everything you see for one. We've been quite busy creating. Sometimes we take the credit and at other times we place the blame - but we're all responsible for the state of affairs on this planet, good and bad. All of us.

We live on an incredibly hospitable planet in a universe that is ever expanding with parallel universes and things the mind cannot even imagine, let alone comprehend.

We've been blessed with life and every opportunity to create whatsoever we want.

A life of creation is an incredibly joyful gift, a monumentally important responsibility.

What will we create then? God has given us back the blueprints of our lives and said "Here, go create a destiny for yourself and for those that you love".

How will we create the spaces we live in, the relationships, the communities? How will we overcome what we've created in stresses and illnesses and dis-ease and depression?

Perhaps some of us have lost sight of the joy of life due to our free will.

But, we can always change our minds.

God's plan for us is to rise to the occasion. To be light in a dark world. To be love in a loveless society. To create a life that is in line with divinity, grace and love.

Things do not pop into and out of creation unless someone orchestrates them. If you envision an improvement on the ever popular wheel, you had best get out your chisel and hammer or else the improvement will just stay a thought in your head.

Now, go get back to creation.

You are One of God's Greatest Gifts

Growing Up Young

Tomorrow is my 45th birthday, but whose counting? Forty fricken five years old. WTF?

Me, Nanny and Debbie in Nanny's yard in Jersey City.

The house in the background was where we lived.

Our yards were connected by a fence that I mastered climbing very quickly. That was awesome!

She was our best friend growing up.

Thank you Nanny for everything.

Me and Daddy-O. I was about 8 or so...

Me & Daddy -O. I was about 28 or so. . .

Me & Daddy-O about two seconds ago (years) . . .

Me and the Sun, Race Point, MA 2008 Who shines more? Me or the sun???

Where did all those years, months, days, minutes, suns and moons go? I mean it was just a second ago I was sitting at Nanny's kitchen table eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It was a second ago I was at the Catholic convent where I spent my very young days in the nursery school waiting for someone to come and pick me up. Not two seconds after that I headed to Catholic grammar school with my rainy day boots, coat and hat on (that I hated).

It was just a second ago that I was sitting on the couch next to my gorgeous Mother mimicking every move she made.

Mommy You Are So Beautiful!

Me and Debbie Do! Notice the matching pajamas? Aunt Jean provided all the sleep wear one could possibly need in a lifetime. Thanks Aunt Jean!

It was just a second ago I taught my sister Debbie how to climb up a tree (I've yet to teach her how to climb down teehehhee). I was such a tom boy ... I guess in a lot of ways I still am.

It was just a second ago that Mom, Dad, Deb and I danced around the dining room table to a Motown song as a family, as one - that was the only time we every did that. Dancing would become such a huge part of my life ... I should've been a dancer seeing as though I was walking on my tippy toes before I could do anything else. It was a trick everyone used to ask me to perform all the time. Why didn't they send me to dance class? Meh, who knows.

It was just a second ago that we moved from that apartment to the 'split-level' one in Bayonne. We left behind our Nanny and Poppy, our school, our friends, our familiar community and the single bedroom we shared. It was awesome for a second, so Deb and I thought, since it had a few stairs leading up to our very own bedrooms for the first time.

Ironic since shortly thereafter, about a second later, our family was split up. Hmmmm let's see...our own bedrooms or our own family? I don't remember anyone every asking us what we wanted. Needlesstosay, we would've shared a bedroom with each other until a second ago if it meant keeping our family together. But, that didn't happen.

It was just a second ago we moved yet again to a much smaller apartment, one that a newly single Mother of two young girls could afford.

It was just a second ago that my life spiraled out of control because of those fragments.

It was just a second ago that I actually processed, accepted and released those facts.

It was just a second ago I graduated grammar school and then high school (not before getting kicked out of one (All Girl Catholic High School to remain nameless to protect their identity - not mine : ) and being transferred to another (Public Bayonne High School - with boys YAY!). I've left out a few messy, rebelious stories. I was young, confused, and coming from a newly broken family - you can probably fill in the blanks.

It was just a second ago I walked through the canyons of Wall Street for the first time. I had my first real corporate interview and got hired. I worked at Commerzbank for four years as a Clerk processing Clearing House International Payment Systems Federal Funds! Big responsibility for a little girl. It was a really good stepping stone for me although my business background was never anything that I was passionate about.

The only reason I went to work on Wall Street was for the money. We needed money. Mom was working full time, Deb was working full time and paying Mom board so it was a natural progression for me to do the same. I had to do the same. We were working class women without a man in the home - so we did the only thing we could do and that was survive. Luckily, I had the presence of mind to learn how to type in high school - really well. I mean I type over 90 words per minute. I mastered the key board. That's how I got my first job.

Looking back on it I know it was the only thing I could do - but, had I the choice to do it all again....I'd have gone to college, seminary, dance school, art school, who knows, maybe even medical school. Let me be clear, I'd have gone to school with a whole mind and heart. I had neither going to Wall Street. I was a broken young lady doing the only thing I knew to do. But such is life and it has all led me to where I am now in the present moment.

I was 17 back then - it was 8/1/81. Wow. Is it really 8/5/08?

It was second ago I was heading down the Jersey Shore with my most beloved best friend Andrea and my sister Debbie. We were heading for trouble baby and you know what? We always found what we were looking for. Being young, tan and full of energy was the order of the day. No thing and no one ever got in our way - if anything - they just moved aside. Two seconds later were heading home from a weekend of partying. Tired, sun fried, no money left but so happy/lucky to be alive.

A second later, I was saying goodbye to Andrea who relocated to Florida. Although my heart was broken for so long, looking back now, it seems like that hurt lasted only a few seconds.

It was a second ago I was picking Mango out of a litter of five or more kittens in the bottom of a friends closet. I loved the little grey spots on his belly. I picked him out, rubbed his belly and it was love for ever more. Still is Boy! I miss you and this year, my birthday will not be the same without you.

Then in the next second, my sister Debbie married Tommy. They had two beautiful children whom I've proudly baptized. One is ten and the other is already 13! Good God have mercy on my soul.

TJ and Tori.

Photo taken two seconds ago when they still lived in NJ.

They'll probably say they hate this picture seeing as though it's so old - paaaaleeeeeze.

They have since moved from Hazlet to Tampa.

That move took about two seconds, right Deb? LOL : )

Last year, I said goodbye to Debbie, Tommy, Tori and TJ as they also relocated to Florida. Must be something about the weather down there. I wish I could say the pain of losing them geographically only lasted a second. Truth be told, that hole in my heart will never be filled, not by time anyway. The only thing that can fill that hole would be their very presence, all of them.

So, going back a few seconds, I met my husband and his son Steven, we all got engaged, bought our first house, eloped in Hawaii....geez that was already thirteen years ago.

Photo of Jim and me at our Reception Party that we gave ourselves.

But, that was then.

Then = a second ago.

And the statement 'this too shall pass' is all too close to home.

All of it has passed.

The moments, the suns, the moons, the decades, the hurts, the loves, the drama.

It's all over now that I'm a married uggghhhh 'mature' woman. Yuck, there I've said it.

I hope that I've managed my time well. I hope that I have not taken one ounce of time for granted (who hasn't). I hope that I have learned and I hope that I have grown.

Mostly, I hope that I have mastered growing.

I'm a very happy, blessed, lucky, married, mature woman now (lol!). So, watch out!

What I am to be I pretty much already am.

I'm not sure what's up the road a bit, but I'm ready for it....all 45+ more years to come.

Be careful though, if you blink baby, you'll miss it.

To the sea . . .

Jim drove the Motor home to the Cape and back.

Really quite comfortable accommodations. Especially for me.

I tend to have to move around more than a car would allow.

I thank God for this huge blessing.

Finally, we got away for a much needed vacation. Jim and I have been through so much in the past year and a half . . . now it was time for some fun. We headed out to sea via Massachusetts. First stop, Sandwich, then Falmouth, then Hyannis, then Provincetown and then Martha's Vineyard.

We took our bicycles and that was a great thing. We cycled all over the place, maybe a little too much cycling since we did rent a car. I would've preferred to be chauffeured around a little bit more, but not this trip. This was all about motion, staying in constant motion.

Falmouth, MA Town Center


Then, it's off the boat literally and para sailing over Provincetown Harbor

I was getting a little nervous . . .

But no time for that it's up, up and away . . . so beautiful, so much fun, we highly recommend this . . .

Next we went whale watching. We try and do this where ever it's offered. This particular experience was mind blowing. Jim and I were sending out love and energy to the whales before we got out there. No really. We were seriously mindful and sent out energy. It was waiting for us out there.

There is always a chance you won't see anything. NOT THIS TIME. The whales waived us out to sea, met us out there and then, waved us back home. It was amazing. Magical. Spiritual. Peaceful. Godly. . . . check it out . . .

This is a humpback with her calf.
They were sleeping - just rolling and breathing. They call it logging, since when you approach them, they look like logs on the surface of the water . . .





Race Point is where you catch the most awesome sunsets...

Very romantic . . .

This particular nite, the seals swam up the coast line . . . huge seals . . .they brought a smile to the adults and made the children scream with joy.

I could post all day about our adventures...but that's enough for one day. Hope you enjoyed our trip as much as we did.

Namaste & Love

One Drum One Life

I've always danced to the beat of my own drum. I've always been slightly different than the rest of my friends. I have a tendency to be deep and go deeper still. Not everyone appreciates this and that's okay.

I don't appreciate shallowness so I guess we're even or at least balanced. What's the lyric from the band Jars of Clay (one of my favs)?

"Blessed are the shallow for depth they'll never find".

I search for depth. I search for meaning. I search for truth. I seek righteousness. I seek love. I seek to understand and to be patient. I mostly seek God and I must say, I've never been disappointed for He has met me more than half way.

But I understand why some don't dare search for deeper meaning. It gets sticky. It's not easy. It's not easy to look directly at yourself, scars and all. It's awful sometimes. We can be so human. We fall. We crawl. We scrape. We hide.

Again, quoting Jars of Clay

"If I were not so weak, if I were not so cold, if I were

not so scared of being broken growing old, I would be . . . frail".

Wow. That's so deep and awesome. Think about that. All the things we want to be in this lifetime - we can be all of them - yet we're still frail.

Perhaps that's the blessed message of love. You are frail. You cannot live this life without the Holy Intercession of God. Well, you can try, but depth you'll never find.

All knowing God still puts breath in your lungs every morning. He puts love in your heart and intellect in your brains and strength in your bodies for many reasons. Mostly His own.

Go deeper if you want to find the real purpose in your life. While there is still time and breath in your lungs, go deeper still.

Love and life are made manifest every day in every breath we take, if we choose them to be.

Love and life can be included with morning tea, afternoon lunch, dinner and dessert and if you're lucky, everything in between.

Despite our circumstances.

I realize how hard that is, how hard life can sometimes be, and how easy it is to give in and compromise where we shouldn't. But don't. Don't backslide. Stay the love and life course.

1st Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

13"And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Realize that by the Grace of Almighty God you are here but for a moment on this planet, in this universe, in this galaxy with the rest of human and spirit kind as well as all living things.

What you choose to do with this moment effects the entire universe, least of all your individual world.

So, in the face of a life or death choice "choose life" as Jesus commanded quoting Moses.

The Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy talks about blessings and curses, life and death. This is really powerful. I've read through the Old and New Testaments and these passages have always stayed with me. Moses wrote the Book of Deuteronomy with means "second law". After forty years the Israelites were about the enter the Promised Land of Canaan. But before they did, Moses wanted to remind them of their history, all that God had done for them, and the laws they had to continue to obey as God's chosen people. Bet you didn't know that it was Moses who told the people to 'love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength' in order to continue to enjoy God's blessing.

Interesting to note that these Holy Words are only 320 pages into the Bible. I've included the whole Chapter.

Deuteronomy 30
Prosperity After Turning to the LORD

When all these blessings and curses I have set before you come upon you and you take them to heart wherever the LORD your God disperses you among the nations, 2 and when you and your children return to the LORD your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, 3 then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. 4 Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the LORD your God will gather you and bring you back.

5 He will bring you to the land that belonged to your fathers, and you will take possession of it. He will make you more prosperous and numerous than your fathers. 6 The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live. 7 The LORD your God will put all these curses on your enemies who hate and persecute you. 8 You will again obey the LORD and follow all his commands I am giving you today.

9 Then the LORD your God will make you most prosperous in all the work of your hands and in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your land. The LORD will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your fathers, 10 if you obey the LORD your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

The Offer of Life or Death

11 Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. 12 It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" 13 Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" 14 No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.

15 See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. 16 For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

17 But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, 18 I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.

19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

Can I get an AMEN! Wow. Moses was serious. Loving God has many benefits. Choosing to turn your back on God, not such a good idea.

The choice since the very beginning has always been ours. It is there for the taking. You can either embrace life or not, blessings or not. Be prepared though. Your choices have consequences.

As for me and my house, we are and always shall be in great anticipation of the continued blessings the King of the Universe prepares to bestow upon us. We shall receive them with great gratitude and humility and will declare that we have these things and can do these things because of the Great God we serve.

If you are experiencing a deeper awakening than ever before, you are not alone. There are millions of people on this planet at this very moment who are sending out Agape love, healing, and prayers, despite their circumstances, to everyone and anyone in need.

You can tap into and receive that energy by focusing your attention on love and life and healing. Ghandi said "be the change you want to see in the world". Begin by praying for the world, your world.

Choose life and be a part of the shift in our mindsets to seek after the things that are not of this world.

The Summer of Rest

His Presence taken by me...

My surgery ten months ago caught me off guard. Sure I had been having some issues at the time, but I never thought I'd lose so much blood I'd be rushed off to the hospital in an ambulance. I didn't think I would survive the horrific infection I had developed from the unsuccessful first surgery the week before that! Two surgery's and one nasty infection in between in the span of three weeks. I never thought I'd need all of the rest of the summer of 2007 to recover (psst...I'm still recovering). That is my memory of the summer of 2007, a mere ten months ago, recovering from emergency surgery that left me cut, scarred, weak, anemic, fifteen pounds lighter, pale (still pale), confused, depressed, but grateful....yay, fun times.

I never saw it coming. I had had some issues as I mentioned, like most women do but I never thought in a million years I'd wind up on my bathroom floor writhing in pain, going into shock thinking that moment was going to be my last.

One minute you're fine you're hanging out, relatively happy, playing a video game (in my case XBOX 360 TIGER WOODS PGA TOUR 07) minding your own business and in the next minute your body decides to do something else putting you're life in jeopardy.

This is as good as it gets. These are the bodies, minds and spirits we were divinely given. Take good care then, this is serious. You just don't know what's around the corner...it's true based on my life experience. We do know that a minute ago we were all babies...just around the corner is 27, or 45, 65, 70 or God help us 80 or 90 but what of the human condition? What of the spirit? What of the mind? What of the body? How much can yours withstand of this 'life'?

What's beyond? Who knows? But for the love of the here and now, be kind to yourself. Be kind to one another. Cultivate love. Reap and sow love. Feed your spirit. Feed your mind. Forgive easily. Take your vitamins and get your rest. Drink plenty of fluids (getting beveraged up doesn't count - although wine does have some medicinal value). "Everything in moderation..." I overheard someone say once "...even moderation in moderation". Hmmm, how 'bout stress in moderation? How 'bout no stress (self induced or otherwise)?

Surround yourself with good thoughts every day about yourself, about your mate, about your neighbor, about your enemy, about strangers cutting you off on the highway. Lower your stress levels. Have fun! Play video games. Dance. Sing. Whistle. Hum for Pete's sake. Take deep breaths. You've heard that stress kills...well, all that bad blood has got to go somewhere inside of you so be conscious of what you're allowing to build up on the inside and what you're allowing yourself to get caught up in. Be aware of your "tolerance of others" level and increase it. If the really small insignificant things bug you or steal your joy, what will happen to you when the really big stuff happens like life, death, illness and everything in between?

Life is a precious gift. Your health (as good or as bad as it is RIGHT NOW) is a gift. Go outside for a walk and thank God that you're alive. Thank him that you CAN freely walk and run today. Thank Him that you have a brain to formulate praise with today and that you are mindful of Him and all that He has given you. Pray for those that have not today. Pray for those who are ill today. Give freely of yourself.

Be mindful of your worst day physically, spiritually and mentally and do not take those lessons or another minute of your precious life for granted. Live.

Be Illuminating

Cadillac Mountain in Bar Harbor, Maine is probably one of my most favorite places on the planet. Jim and I woke before dawn last August, trecked up the mountain and sat in silence as the sun rose above the most eastern part of the United States. It was pretty chilly and thankfully, we brought a blanket to keep us warm. We were together in that moment which almost didn't happen.

The morning before we attempted to take the same treck and when the alarm clock went off at 4:30, I lept from the bed, smacked down the clock and said "not today"! Jim just smiled and back off to sleep we went. After all, we were on vacation and had no schedule to keep but our own.

What a waste in retrospect. Sleep, in the face of such beauty and mystery, is selfish and oh so human. But the sunrise...now that was spiritual. Mindblowing even.

It would've been such a pity if we had missed it.

We cannot wait to go back. I cannot wait to get up at 4:30 in the very cold morning, hike up the mountain (well, we actually drive up since it is a huge mountain), and sit and wait for the miracle that is a sunrise.

It represents everything we are or have the capacity to be. Every day it's light. Every day it's warm. Every day it's life giving. Every day it's there, even if we can't see it or feel it.

Lately, I've been under the weather emotionally, physically and spiritually as well. Life and it's darkness overtakes my very soul and I 'forget' to remember that every day is a new beginning, a new opportunity to grab a hold of myself, shake off the dust and be illuminating.

Today I am grateful for the light that shines so brightly defining every nook and cranny that is my life. My life, in all of it's glory is a gift, even if I am sick and tired.

Somedays it's okay to hit the snooze button and some days, it's just not.