Right On Time

It wasn't until I grabbed the scalding hot handle of the frying pan that my mind stopped racing.   I had been  cooking, ranting, crying, expressing great disappointment and sadness.  I put the already hot frying pan in a 400 degree oven for a few minutes to finish, promptly took it out with an oven mitt and placed it on the stove, all the while still weeping.  I turned to get some utensils and turning back to the white hot frying pan, tears streaming, heart bursting with sadness, I grabbed that handle with the grip of ten women.  In the split second it took to grab that scorching hot handle, I became present enough to accept the burn as part of the lesson.  After all, it was too late at that point, my skin had already been seared like my dinner, and now, I finally slowed down enough to get it.  I dropped the pan and allowed myself just a little more sobbing, ranting, crying and expressing great disappointment and sadness while running my hand under cold water.

That was one bitter dinner.

Maine is one of my favorite places to visit and Jimmy and I were so looking forward to this trip.  We loved to take long journeys in the RV and this was a big one for us driving from our Garden State to the furthest most point in the Eastern United States.  We were both very excited, busy with preparations, plans, discussions and details.  It was also my birthday week and I was very happy with the prospect of celebrating in Maine, on Cadillac Mountain!  We were deep in conversation crossing things off of mental lists and the next thing I know, I am falling backward looking at Jim but he's too far away to save me.  Everything slowed down and in a warped split second in time, I was on the basement floor, holding my broken wrist and I hear myself crying, "I BROKE it".  Then I hear Jim saying, "NOOOooo"!  I grabbed my wrist and began doing Reiki, speaking healing, but similar to the burn experience, presence of mind was somewhat lacking and then, I went into shock.  

Of course, this begs the question, "What the hell were you thinking"?

Jimmy and I had a nice little bit of time at the ER that night to come up with all sorts of answers.  We got to ponder it for quite the long while after that having to endure our beautiful vacation with a brick on my arm, followed by six weeks of occupational therapy once the cast came off, and healing bone glory that lasted just about a whole year, all to regain the use of what was my perfect hand just prior.  

Well, I wasn't thinking, was I?  Not clearly anyway.  

I was thinking many exciting thoughts simultaneously, and I was planning a lot of things, but I was not present.  While speaking with Jim, lost in thought, planning and talking, another part of me was reliving my teenage years remembering riding a skateboard barefoot in the street.  In my defense, I am a bit of a tomboy so, naturally, I absentmindedly stepped on the back of that skateboard that had been in my garage for a few years, brand new, never used, wrapped in plastic.  I had taken it from the garage earlier in the week in preparation of giving it to a friend with younger brothers.  I obviously did not give it away fast enough.  Stupid?  Yes.  Daring?  Absolutely.  Did I remember to step on the front of the board and not the back?  Yes, as soon as I hit that terribly hard, slate floor, my right wrist bone fractured and I could no longer use my hand.  Funny how the mind works like that.  

I became quite proficient using my left hand that Summer.  The lessons came one right after the other, I'm sure you can imagine, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair, feeding yourself, cleaning yourself, showering, all with your non dominant hand.  It became so exceptionally hard to do anything and everything that I also became quite proficient in overcoming.  

Presence of mind can be a tricky little bugger.  Sometimes we think we are so present, and we are sound asleep dreaming, remembering, worrying, fretting, angering, waring, creating so much drama in our experience, it's a wonder we can produce anything of true value in our lives.  The scale tips in both directions for me, and probably you as well.  My highs were too high, and my lows, way too low.

I am still pretty proficient at this.

Last week, I once again, burned myself in almost the same manner as I had in the past.  And, when I say past, it was a few years ago that I burned my hand, and even more since I broke my wrist.  I am wondering, what has changed?

I have the word 'joy' tattooed on my left wrist and the burn from my stove came so close to it.  It actually has two places with second degree burns, and the rest is clearly first.  The symbolism is not lost on me.  There is something inside of me that still needs to burn, transmute, change, no longer be and what ever it is, it is burning me on the inside and out.  It has the potential to steal my joy, if I allow it, if I am not careful, present, discerning.  I know I am not alone in my challenges.  I know there are many broken and distracted hearts out there in our beautiful world.  I am wondering when I will be truly whole enough to help them.  I know it all starts with me and I am putting my thoughts and energy into myself, not outside somewhere.

Without me, there is no story.  Without me, there are no victories, or losses to learn from.  Without me, there is no game and while I have suffered, I have also overcome.  While I have lamented, I have also rejoiced.  While I have cried, I have also laughed so hard, tears of joy have streamed down my cheeks onto my chest.  I have been soaked in joyful tears, as well as sorrowful ones, and I will always choose to overcome and bounce back.  

I will always choose joy.

But what if others around aren't joyful?  What if they do not choose joy?  Well, don't worry about them.  Just be the joy and they will see your radiance and be perplexed by it.  They won't understand it but they'll be drawn to it.  Just shine your light, no matter what happens and know that with each experience, each joy, each sorrow, we are growing in knowing who we are, what we are, what we want to experience and what we don't.  Don't accept the situation.  Challenge it.  Challenge yourself to be more present, to go slower and to appreciate the abundance, endless choices and possibilities life affords.  Life is really so very magical to me and despite a lot of hardship, I am such a happy person.  Deep down in my soul, I am happy and have enough to spare.  I love to make people smile, warm and happy.   I love to uplift a sorrowful heart.  I love to turn a frown upside down.  :)  Sounds trite again, but it isn't.  Your smiling face is like the rays of the sun beaming out to the world.  If you're sad, let it out.  If you're angry, let it out, get it out, but don't cook while you're doing it.  Do one thing at a time, right on time, and do it well.  You will have less scars in the end and you'll be able to enjoy your dinners and vacations a whole lot more.  

If nothing else, learn from my experience.  It is leading me to what I am to be.

Walking The Straight Path

Today is a great day. Indeed, I usually say that about most days, unless something terrible has happened and even then, I'm learning to see that that too is a great day. I feel really well. In fact, my wrist is doing things I haven't done in months and I am gratefully relieved.

I'm exercising, doing yoga and getting back to what I would consider normal and that is what I'm all about and today I felt the best I've felt in months. I know I'm starting to repeat myself, but I cannot over emphasize this seeing as how it took everything I had in me to get back to this place. Giving up was not an option and honestly, the hard work is paying off. It always does.

And my journey? It continues but on a much deeper and yet somehow lighter level. I wanted to get to the next level. I called this all into existence...this and some other things that I shall not mention. But let's just say be careful what you think about, what you wish for, what you call into existence because ultimately it will fall right in your lap and if you don't know what to do with it...you surely will find out and let's hope you're a fast learner.

I've been a fast learner and yes, lessons do repeat themselves if you don't learn them the first time. You see them coming from a mile away but it's too late. You're smack dab in the middle of it shaking your head wondering how you got there. But sanity speaks to the soul and says...you...you brought yourself here. It has always been that way and it always will be that way.

So....where do you want to go? Or, better question...where are you? Are you okay where you are or do you need to make some navigational changes about where you're heading?

Don't be afraid to make changes. You're supposed to.

Like...becoming more conscious about our choices and our decisions. Things don't just randomly happen to us. Typically. Sure, very occasionally a meteor will fall from the sky and hit someone's house, but other than that, we've created the lives we have. This is not random. And when I say 'the lives we have', I mean the way you feel about your life is entirely up to you. Many things are outside of your ability to manipulate them because there are other people involved, but for the most part, you can speak great joy and triumph into your circumstances with your beliefs alone.

If you believe something can get better, it can. It's that simple. On the other hand, if you believe that it cannot, well, that is also true...it cannot.

Which mindset would you rather embrace? For me personally, you already know. I will not settle for less.

It can always get better and with a lot of hard work, it can get best.

So, my arm is going to be completely whole. It already is, I just haven't crossed that day yet. It is in the not too distant future because I have called it into being and just as I am back to typing 90 wpm with very little effort, doing yoga and working towards a 90 degree angle in my wrist, this too shall pass.

That being said, I'm going to try to be a little more careful about what I'm calling into being. No more broken bones. No more hand surgery or any other surgery for that matter. I can appreciate pain, long-suffering, healing, patience, and a whole list of virtues now that perhaps I hadn't in the past. Please God, continue to make my path straight, straight into the Light of your will.

Was I still Running?

When my cast first came off, I was amazed at my immobility. At times I still am, but I'm also amazed at my progress. I've been going to physical therapy 3x's a week for this, my fifth week in a row, and I'm pleased with my efforts and my results.

The hand and arm exercises are pretty basic, lift, press, squeeze, separate, make a fist, stretch, all things your learned to do when you were a baby. It's not that you've forgotten how or that your hand has short term memory loss. On the contrary, your body has amazing memory but the stiffness that follows a broken bone is something you're probably never really prepared for, even if someone describes it to you. Here, let me try.

After your cast comes off, imagine someone taking hard plastic, heating it up and molding it to your arm (your dominant arm) in an awkward position. Then they put Velcro on it to make sure it's secure in keeping your arm immobile...kinda like a cast. You can't bend your wrist. You can't bend your elbow. Your fingers are useless. Your shoulder is feeling all of that restriction and is stressed and clicking. Oh and just for good measure, the sun has set on your day and the swelling has once again returned as it does every night. The plastic like cast on your arm is increasing in pressure and pain. Ok, I think you're ready now. Now, try and make a salad or feed yourself. Bathe yourself. Brush your teeth. Blow your nose and try to sleep comfortably...hahaha none of those things are possible - sure maybe some are if you use your other arm...but that's cheating. By now, you've already had to take a couple of anti-inflammatories and pain killers but by the time they kick in, your misery level reaches new lows.

Then in the morning, start off with a warm soak and then...start moving it. Against all instincts. Push. Pain. Push. Pain. Breathe. Stop. Ut-oh. This is hard. Bones have stiffened. They are resistant to change. They are resistant to movement. The ligaments are stiff and painful. The odds are not good if you're faint hearted. You must persevere if you want to ever use your arm again and what choice do you have? Or, do I have? I have only one. To continue running this race.

It's kinda like that every morning. You have to start from scratch and if I happen to not be going to Physical Therapy that day, well what then? Do I skip my exercises? Heaven forbid!

If I did not do my exercises 3 x's a day, everyday, my arm would be perfectly happy to stiffen up and cease working. Did you know that? You actually have to force your wrist to bend, your elbow to bend, your fingers to bend. They literally do not want to go. The inflammation and swelling and trauma prevents them from smoothly, efficiently and painlessly doing what they were made to do. You have to train them to do what they once did without your input - conscious input that is. When I go to reach for something now, it is with much deliberateness. Nothing or no action is too mundane as for me not to pay close attention to it. I have to. I can drop something, as I've already done countless times. I can trip and fall and God forbid, break my arm again. No, the time has come for proceeding with caution.

And I'm reminded of a recent incident that brought some light to the subject of impulsiveness, fearlessness, and lack of consciousness. I was in the store with my husband and we were browsing some electronic equipment. We stopped to speak with a Sales Manager and while my husband and he were speaking, I noticed some small children running past us. Nothing unusual about that. Except that, perhaps now, everything has such a deeper meaning that there is nothing usual...but everything is amazing.

I noticed that the children weren't just running to get somewhere. They were running to get every where. From here to there. From there to here. Up and down. Over and out. They never ceased running. I couldn't help but ask myself, 'was I still running'? I mean, I am FULL of energy just like those children. With a smile on my face, and with reckless (Websters def. of reckless; marked by lack of proper caution: careless of consequences) abandon, I would run until I couldn't run anymore or my lungs would give out, or it was time to go inside, or I got hurt....hmmmm.

Yeah, I got hurt sometimes and you know what? That slowed me down. Made me appreciate my physical abilities and lack thereof. Having asthma slowed me down. Having ear infections slowed me down. For the first year of my life I had braces on my legs since one leg was shorter than the other when I was born breach. I'm not sure, but that might've slowed me down.

I'm starting to notice a theme here.

Why slow down? Perhaps it's to control ourselves, our bursts of energy. Deliberately and consciously.

I was going as fast as the skateboard I stepped on in my mind on July 18th. I was not going slow. I was not paying attention. I was still running....here and there, up and back, down and out. The answer? I guess I'm still learning to appreciate every breath, every step, every minute of every day.

This particular struggle has taught me that, among so many other things. Life is a race and we should be in the running, but on a very deliberate, well thought out, well prepared-for course, as all good courses are. We need to know where we're going and how we're going to get there, preparing for and weighing consequences and proceeding with caution...kind of like setting goals, making them happen, and troubleshooting when necessary. You know, life lived with greater deliberateness, greater consciousness.

I realize that children run with such abandon because, at the end of their day, God willing, they're falling into the arms of Mom and Dad who take care of every need that they have. They will be fed, bathed, loved and tucked in at night so that they can rest in preparation for another days running. In the morning, they need only open their eyes and their needs are met. Breakfast, clean water, clean clothes, and a ride to school where they run and run, unless the teacher sees them and instructs"no running in the halls children, slow down"!

We're all born like that. We have boundless energy that mostly needs to be shared, contained, controlled, modified, managed, slowed down, expelled, utilized, understood, and in some cases it's so off the charts it has to be medicated. Meditation, contemplation, prayer, music, silence, sleep, daydreaming, night dreaming, Reiki, EFT, chakra balancing, dance, exercising, sex, being in nature, being around animals and plants, aromatherapy, hydrotherapy, chiropractic, massage, yoga, chi-gong, reflexology, acupressure, acupuncture...I'm sure there are more, but these are some ways to work with, release and re-charge energy in ways that are manageable, palpable and extremely useful. Will we ever understand energy fully? Perhaps, in the next dimension.

For now, energy in human beings is a phenomenal thing. If we only knew. . .

We, as physical beings having a spiritual experience, are the same. We're God's children running the race of life and hopefully resting in our creators arms and believing that our needs are met. Even when we stumble, fall and break ourselves a little bit, our Father/Mother is there to comfort us, to help us to absorb life's lessons and to nudge us on in Spirit.

This may have broken my arm, but it didn't break me. It may have broken my bone, but it didn't break my Spirit. It may have broken my stride, but it will not prevent me from finishing this race and yes, I may be trotting a little slower than the rest, but my finish will be no less rewarding.

My eyes and ears are open. My steps are steady. My mind is clear. I am living with greater deliberateness.

The Sugar Bowl Lesson

I was unable to sleep, feed myself, brush my hair, cook...the list went on and on. Truth be told I still can't do most of those things since breaking my wrist in July, but thankfully now with physical therapy (I have a phenomenal hand therapist, more about Lynn later), I'm looking for and already starting to see improvements. Sleep is returning to normal. Left over pain meds are in the cabinet and I'm well on my way to some hard work. I'm quite determined to regain full use of my arm, wrist, and hand and am now realizing that this is going to take some time. Realistically, I'm looking at at least six months before my wrist is not what I think about first thing in the morning.

I learned that from all the surgeries, sicknesses, and pain I've had before. We tend to look for our weaknesses and even pain, first thing in the morning...is it still here...do I still have it? Well, where thoughts go energy flows so its best to be careful. Make sure you are expectant of a good report in the morning occasionally (always). It'll do your body a world of good.

Why don't Doctors tell us that? I know that healing is pretty relative to 'what you think' as opposed to what their experience has been, but that doesn't mean everyone else does. They don't know what you think, what your intentions are, if your depressed or not, if you are a helper or a hindrance to your healing. They don't know and frankly, they do not care. They will gladly give you medicine to assist you but discuss your thinking as part of the healing process? That discussion is off the table for now, but not for long if I have anything to say about it. I need people to realize that they dictate the terms of their healing as well as mental and spiritual well being. You determine the health and wellness of your body, your mind and your spirit.

Which brings me to The Sugar Bowl Lesson, a perfect lesson in human frailty, acceptance, and perseverance. It was only three days after my accident and I was left alone for the day with a two ton cast on my arm, a deflated ego, and a weak and hungry body. I decided a hot cup of tea would do the trick. I slowly made my way into the kitchen and with my left hand grabbed the tea kettle and filled it up with water and placed it on the stove. After successfully turning the gas on, I stopped to rest. Sure, I hadn't done much, but it was exhausting and painful.

As I waited for the water to boil I replayed the accident over in my head deliberately. It had replayed in my mind for a few days without my permission and it was just starting to be less painful to visualize, I mean I would wince with pain every time the image of me flying off the skateboard appeared in my brain as a random thought. I started to think about all of my limitations, followed by the shame and embarrassment I felt for stepping so unconsciously on that thing, then I focused on the pain and swelling I was experiencing, and then pity. As I sat there feeling sorry for myself, thankfully the water began boiling and the tea pot whistled as if it had had enough. It snapped me back into the moment and I got up and poured the boiling water into my tea cup. Whew! Unscathed! Ahhhh.

After pouring the milk I went in for the pretty, glass sugar bowl. Lefty mind you...not very smooth. All at once, I'm not sure how, the sugar bowl hit the kitchen floor with such precision that every grain of sugar and every broken piece of glass were now shattered and thrown all around my bare feet.

My thinking process went something like......'I can't believe this is happening!! I can't move. I can't reach the broom. I can't clean this up! I can't! I can't! I can't'! And for a few minutes I didn't. I looked at the mess I made and thought 'oh great, another accident...how could I'? and then I cried like a baby. I cried. Then I prayed for strength. I prayed and I thought 'all's I need now is to get cut'. Really. THAT would've sucked big time. But getting cut was not on the horizon. It never happened.

What did happen is that I realized how f*cking strong I am. I started to calm myself down and wiped the tears from my face. I looked around in disbelief again and took a deep accepting breath. I made my way over to the broom by bending down and picking up the glass-sugar-bowl shards along the way with my left hand. Now, sweeping with one hand is not easy. Using a dustpan with one hand is not easy. But, I am here to tell you, it may not be easy, but it is possible! Somehow, by the Grace of God I was able to clean up the mess!

Seriously! I've been through some stuff and I may have my moments, but I will not be beaten. I will not be over run, I will not be defeated -- especially by myself. I cleaned up that mess, with a cast on one arm and in a lot of pain. I imagined that if I could overcome that moment, I could overcome anything. It was such a helpless feeling before the tea kettle boiled, but God would say not so much. Although the sugar bowl was destroyed, I am not. Sure the sugar bowl represents a vessel...and so do I....and even if I was broken lying on the floor, I am still so very capable and useful...and useable. Judge not lest ye be judged.


God refines us by turning up the heat a little bit to show us truly, what were made of.

What are you made of?

Today is Day 41

Ahhh, my blog...what i am to be....I've been ignoring you for another, please forgive me. I am back, albeit typing with one hand yet again.

Back to the way I was? No. I will never be back to the way I was before I broke my wrist. Everything has changed. I have changed. My arm is in a constant state of change and healing and swelling and inflammation and stiffness. My arm is also 100% healed. I've just not reached that day yet. This will be a long row to hoe. But I'm looking forward to it. I started physical therapy this week as the cast came off on Monday, 37 days after putting it on. It came off without incident and although my orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Ira Esformis, said "When I take the cast off you will have pain and you will beg me to put the cast back on", that was not the case.

Immediately after breaking my wrist, I applied three things; Reiki, my conscious-healing intention, and ice. I almost passed out before leaving for the hospital but managed to control my breathing by putting my head in between my legs. I went into shock a little bit but not as much as when the possibility of surgery came up. The on-call orthopedic surgeon declared to me after looking at my x-rays "we will set your arm, follow up with an orthopedic surgeon this week, you'll probably have to have surgery." This would also not be the case.

I have had enough surgery to last me a lifetime. I absolutely did not want to have pins and plates put into my wrist if I could help it. But at this point, what could I do?

I called my father. Whenever something major happens to me and I need serious help, I call my Dad. This was serious enough and apparently he thought so too and called a good Dr. friend who left his Saturday nite dinner plate to come set my arm in the nick of time!

A man appeared in the doorway smiling at me. He said "I'm Dr. Esformis". I was instantly relieved. The hospital staff kept stopping by and peeking in to see who got the Doctor in on a Saturday nite, and to see who was getting this favored treatment. Well, humbly, it was me and I was ever so thankful. Within two hours, my arm was set and I was back home safe and sound. BTW, Hackensack University is probably one of the finest medical institutions in the Garden State if not the country.

I thanked him repeatedly for leaving his dinner to tend to my bones and accidental absent-mindedness. Having to say that "...I stepped on a skateboard" was all too irresponsible for someone who claims to be living consciously. I was embarrased but Dr. Ira just laughed and said "Don't be ridiculous! It happens".

It does happen, mostly when we're not paying attention.

I explained to Dr. Ira that I am a Reiki Master Practitioner and I had been applying Reiki and also speaking against surgery in my heart and mind. Well, besides loving Reiki and wanting to come for one of my sessions, Dr. Ira and I agreed that my arm would be set and I would not need surgery. He agreed with my thinking...right there in the emergency room...he got what I was saying. I said "Until you tell me otherwise, I am speaking health over my wrist, and no complications. I will not need surgery. You'll see"!

What I didn't know is that most fractures are followed up in this country with surgery, and in some cases, unnecessary surgery due to the shameful financially driven medical industry. I was speaking against that ferocious, insatiable lion from the moment I walked in there.

After Novocaine was injected into my wrist and started to take effect, Dr. Ira began to set my arm. He wrapped gauze around my fingers and hung my arm counter balanced over an IV pole. Then he applied some weight to my bicep. Not much, just enough to give my wrist bones a little wiggle room. Then, he used his hands, applied some pressure and POP! It went back into place. It felt right, it sounded right and I was truly convinced, no surgery for me.

Back to x-ray, lo and behold, Dr. Ira, with a huge grin on his face exclaimed "so far, so good"! No surgery then and two weeks later after a follow up visit and another x-ray...no surgery. Although the bone collapsed slightly in the very beginning of the healing process, it stabilized and is healing very nicely, as bones can heal.

Did I have pain while in the cast? Absolutely! Luckily, Reiki energy goes right through casts and I applied it constantly and liberally. The pain became quite manageable and now, my arm is mostly sore as I gingerly begin my rehab.

Two weeks prior to the cast coming off, and immediately after Dr. Ira said I would have pain, I started to convince myself I would NOT have pain when the cast came off...and I didn't. At all. I'm sure that his comment was based on years of experience, but I am not your average human. I aspire to be better and to pay closer attention to the language we use when thinking about ourselves and our circumstances. I could've easily given into that line of thinking...surgery - check, pain - check, not getting full range of motion back - check. But hell no.

Why, if given a choice would I settle for negative, wreaking havoc kind of thinking when I alone have the power to continue to heal myself?

I am whole. I am healed. I am fully restored.

...oh, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that.
Who can stop me?

Learning Lessons, Approving Symbols

I decided to let people sign my cast but not just sign their name, put a symbol on it. Why? Why not? I wanted everyone to think of something significant, I mean I'm the one who has to see it for weeks so the more meaningful, the better.


My stepmother put the sun.
My brother Tony put a phoenix like the one tattooed on his back. It wasn't exactly like the one on his back, but it was approved.

My Dad put a star. The same star he's been drawing for most of my life. He got a little carried away with his star, but that's to be expected. When one star draws a picture of another there's bound to be some stardust lost in translation, nonetheless, his symbol was also approved.

Then we started laughing and he wrote Ha Ha! on my cast! NOT approved lol~! Pretty funny stuff.

I've learned an awful lot about myself during this broken wrist/healing wrist process. I hate to ask for help, or needing help in the first place. I'm a righty and as you can see I broke my right wrist so....can you count the lessons? So, so many...like you can't do your hair anymore....as you can see in the pics! So curly...who knew? But seriously, the lessons are bountiful.

Like...

hugging really takes two arms

typing can happen with only one

skateboards are evil lol

it pays to know medical professionals personally

pain medication when taken properly does alleviate pain

pain medication when taken improperly can cause pain

children see none of the limitations we embrace about ourselves

doctors can be very empathetic

sleep, with a broken bone, can be elusive

a hot bath and a cast do not mix, it raises your blood pressure

as does the sun and that causes your arm to swell inside the cast - that causes pain

cats feel your pain

cats distract you from your pain and even alleviate some of it

I can peel an orange with one hand

and do self Reiki

I'd much rather use two

meditation helps to cope with pain by realizing not all pain is bad

if I stay still long enough, I forget about the cast

I see myself as whole.

I've really learned to be grateful for all that I've been blessed with, struggles and all.

I'm sorry I broke my wrist, but I'm grateful for the lessons and the love.

Thank God I Broke My Wrist . . .

So I'll make this quick. I am back to typing with one hand. I broke my right wrist. How?

I stepped on a skateboard, of course.

There aren't enough words to describe how many emotions I'm feeling. Suffice to say, I'm feeling all of them.

What a stupid thing to happen, but, I'm sure one day I'll say "Thank God I broke my wrist....the blessings far outweigh the pain & suffering."

Yeah, I'm sure I'll be saying that....just not sure when : )

Love, Light & Healing