Embracing The Mystery

Continuing the search. Continuing the love story...this longing.

What is this longing? Take the time, won't you please.

Help Is Within Reach

I'm realizing more and more that the path that I am on is the right one. I've been on the wrong one in the past more often than not - so the clarity that I have now cannot be denied.

Illness manifesting in our bodies due to past trauma is something that I'm coming to terms with in a big way in my life. It seems that as soon as I accepted this reality, opportunity began to present itself to me.

"So, you want to help people huh"? says my mind.

"Yes, I really do". says my heart and spirit.

Well, be careful what you ask for.

There are so many people in pain all around us if we would only take the time to speak with them. You need only to look into the eyes of a person to see it.

I met someone over the weekend that fits that description to a T. His name is Joe and he is in some serious pain. We went to his restaurant in Elizabeth and while we were sharing a meal with some friends he came out from the back where the food is prepared. He had a beautiful smile - but the smile didn't come very easily. He was cordial and pleasant - but just don't scratch the surface.

Now, keep in mind, I've never met this man in my life.

Underneath his forced smile is a man in a tremendous amount of pain. My heart instantly went into an empathic overdrive mode as I could see it - no, I could feel it.

He came over to our table and made some small talk. He said something about his mind always racing. He said something about crying. My husband agreed with him and said "yeah, I cry too - but not in front of my wife". We laughed because I knew what my husband was talking about but not what Joe was talking about. I knew there was something so much deeper going on. I reached into my spiritual bag of medicine and I asked him if he ever meditated and he said no. How about prayer? Meh, not so much. We made some more small talk and he left the table to go tend to his restaurant.

After some time, I went over to where Joe was standing and starting to speak with him some more. Now, this is where it gets personal - but how can we help each other unless we are willing to go out on a limb? I said before I could feel his pain. I mean, I wanted to cry to release some of the pressure but that would only help me - not him. I was praying in my spirit the whole time I was speaking with him asking God to show me...

I asked Joe plainly....."are you suicidal"?

I asked him this because I know what that looks like and feels like. I've been there. I knew he was - but I didn't know if he was willing to release any of the pressure that was building up inside of him.

Well, he just about jumped out of his skin. He looked at me in amazement. He grabbed his head with both hands "How do you know that"? he asked me.

I just know Joe. I've been there. Thank God I'm no longer there - but that neighborhood looks awfully familiar and scary.

He went on to say that he purchased a hand gun three months ago and that he was planning on killing himself.

He said it wouldn't be long now.

I pleaded with him and offered him my friendship and prayers. I gave him my telephone number and told him to call me anytime. I told him he didn't have to do that and that maybe, just maybe, things could get better.

I began to tell him a little bit more about myself and about how I used to feel the way he feels. I told him it can get better.

I'm not sure if he believed me.

It was time to leave the restaurant so, I took his number and we left. I spoke to my husband about what I had just learned. He said he could also see that Joe was in pain.

It was so obvious to us.

Suffice to say, I've already prayed for and sent Reiki to Joe. I've called him this morning and thank God he answered the phone. I have to call him back in a short while. I'm going to try and reach him on a more spiritual level but until he deals with whatever is bothering him - healthwise, he's in critical condition.

He is just one of many of us right now that are trying to cope with the reality that is our lives. We sometimes have to look at the unpleasant in order to find peace.

That's the way it's worked for me anyway - or should I say - is still working for me. I've been down that road and lived on that street in that neighborhood for a long time. It wasn't until I opened my mouth and spoke some really hard truths that the moving van showed up and took me to a much better place.

So, you want to help people huh?

Yes, yes, I really do.

DEBORAH KING, J.D., author of Truth Heals: What You Hide Can Hurt You (Hay House 2009), is a health & wellness expert, attorney, national keynote speaker, frequent TV and radio commentator, a regular blogger for The Huffington Post and Psychology Today, and a “healer to the stars.” She also hosts her own radio show, "Truth Heals with Deborah King." As a young attorney and hotel developer, Deborah suffered from a host of emotional and medical problems, culminating with cancer in her twenties. Her amazing recovery led her to leave the corporate arena for the alternative medical field, where she mastered ancient and modern healing systems and ultimately developed a powerful energy healing technique of her own. She is trained to address both the mind and the body’s health and disease processes. Deborah makes frequent appearances on national news and entertainment programs, and is known for her insightful and entertaining commentary on the news of the day.

Deborah says, "I learned about the mind body connection when I was working on healing the cancer that woke me up in my twenties. It was only when I faced the truth of the childhood sexual abuse that I experienced that I understood why the emotional pain we’ve buried in our bodies must be released."

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Peel Back Some Layers

This post should be a little lighter than my last. I feel lighter anyway. The drugs are slowly leaving my body and being replaced with, well, nothing.

That's a great feeling. I'm not taking anything except an inhaler twice a day to keep my asthma in check. Truthfully, I'm thinking I don't even need that anymore. Perhaps my pulminologist will agree when I see him again next month.

As for the rest of me - and there certainly is a lot more than meets the eye....I'm better.

I posted that I didn't pray the other day except for the praying along with the inauguration. That wasn't entirely true. I did pray later in the day. I prayed and I meditated. I did yesterday as well and I'm planning on it again today.

Prayer for me is a constant for the most part. Unless I get in my own way. It really changes everything. I've known that for forever but it seems that when I need it the most sometimes, I can't bring myself to do it. Eventually I do - but sometimes there's a bit of resistance.

It's only when I push through that feeling that the rewards are waiting for me.

Meditation is also that way....and while prayer is more about asking and seeking, meditation is all about listening. You have to listen for the answers and I'm never disappointed. God speaks to my heart through all sorts of things and meditation is definitely one of them.

Reiki is also something I've not given enough credence to lately here in my postings. I do Reiki everyday on everything. It's a mindset and from what I've been taught - the stirrings that come from within are definitely as a result of Reiki as well as prayer and meditation. All of these things combined have a cause and effect.

Now, you may or may not believe that...that's okay. I can only speak for myself. But suffice to say I am not the same person I was before I took my first Reiki certification. And, I am equally different since taking my second.

I am preparing myself for my third which I'm planning as soon as perhaps next week and I'll pursue my final certification "Reiki Master Teacher" soon after that. The last one takes several months. I'd imagine that by the time I finish the last one, I will officially be able to walk on water lol!

Seriously, it changes everything. For those that have no concept or limited beliefs, just go and get a Reiki treatment and see for yourself....or pray and meditate for that matter. Cause and effect.

The ripples in the lake are there if you just push your finger past the surface. Sure you can stay on the waters edge and never, ever get wet - or you can jump in feet first and just as John the Baptist baptised Jesus, you too can get bathed in that light.

Light, as it turns out, lives in Reiki, prayer and meditation. You can see it. You can feel it. It is more than your flesh and blood. It is more than your mind. It is all about your spirit.

Unfortunately some human beings lose sight of this because of our mortal bodies. Our bodies are loud and cumbersome. They take up a lot of space and time. They complain, they groan, they gloat, they shamelessly think they are important and yes, some bodies are....but most are not. Our bodies are vehicles for our spirits. To pay more attention to the body and forgo the spirit - well, that's just ego and can be very scary.

I'm always talking about spirit which is always the opposite. Christianity for one, teaches to suppress the bodies constant whining about needing this or that. Discipline is the answer to that. Saying no is also the answer. When my spirit is too weak to pray - I know I've crossed over into the human realm and that's when I need to start pedaling back. Back to spirit. It's always at that point that I am reassured and my clay pot is filled to overflowing. But, the opposite of that is also true - if I resist I will empty out my vessel as quick as the blink of an eye. Sure there is a surplus, but it's our daily bread that feeds us...not the loaf in the freezer.

I guess that's why there are days. Days symbolically represent our lives so fully. Every day is a new beginning. There is a sunrise and sunset and all glorious moments in between. Choices live in these days. Choices to seek out the spirit, to suppress the bodies groaning and to give Glory to the One who has placed you here ever so gently.

Life is hard. Illness is awful. But, we have a plethora of resources to help us through. Let us never forget that. You are not alone in your suffering or your joy for that matter....they go hand in hand. I'm learning that all things - the blessings and the struggles - work together for the good of those that love Him. He is the creator of your life. Loving Him has it's merits, benefits and rewards, make no mistake.

As for me and my house, we will worship the Lord, today and every day.

Mighty Lessons Learned

One of the biggest mistakes that I've ever made was not allowing myself to feel something, whatever that may have been at the time.

Perhaps I was going through a painful experience and instead of facing it head on, praying about it, talking about it (with the right people) I would either pretend I wasn't feeling it, or numb myself by getting into even more trouble.

That set me back monumentally. It's self sabotage.

I realize we do these things because it's hard to feel bad feelings, sad feelings, insecure or frightening feelings. Sometimes life is not all sweetness and air. Sometimes it's damp and heavy and musty and depressing.

I have found that over time it is best to acknowledge and accept whatever it is. You have to eventually anyway if you want to lead a healthy, productive, evolved, illuminating, conscious, forgiving, nurturing (to yourself as well as others) and gift filled life.

If you allow yourself to turn away from that which haunts you, you will only continue to be haunted. Perhaps it will show up when you least expect it.

We trick ourselves into thinking 'this or that' doesn't bother us. That it's all under control. But then the ripples on the surface of our lake break, and the cycle of pain and denial begins all over again.

It becomes a re-living of that very experience that you thought you'd put behind you. It taunts you. It teases you. It has all the power over you as long as you choose not to face it.

Once you do face it head on, however, the flood gates of anxiety, fear, pain, sorrow, remorse, anger, they all release and come to the surface. At that point, you can either turn away because it's too much or you can work through it. You might get sicker before you get better, but like any infection with a little care it will clear up.

I have many emotional scars that I tend to. All mighty lessons learned. I don't try to deny that they exist or that I once felt a certain way in particular. I am who I am. I went through what I went through. Life happens to all of us and it makes us stronger in the end, I am convinced because I am proof.

Today, I am living in the present moment. If something arises on the surface and bothers me, I tend to look deeper to find the root (if there is one). I will allow myself to feel. Feel the sorrow. Feel the loss. Feel the insecurity of it all. If it is a deep rooted feeling and I know the origination, I pray and meditate and give that over to God. I 'give it over' to God by releasing it into the air, into the Spirit, into Grace.

God waits all day for us to give Him our struggles and He happily takes them and replaces them with peace, strength and a sense of space where there was none before. That space can then be used by God to teach us about the true essence of the strength in growing and evolving from humanity into Spirit.

Embrace the evolution and rejoice! What you are to be you are still becoming.

Love & Namaste

The Summer of Rest

His Presence taken by me...

My surgery ten months ago caught me off guard. Sure I had been having some issues at the time, but I never thought I'd lose so much blood I'd be rushed off to the hospital in an ambulance. I didn't think I would survive the horrific infection I had developed from the unsuccessful first surgery the week before that! Two surgery's and one nasty infection in between in the span of three weeks. I never thought I'd need all of the rest of the summer of 2007 to recover (psst...I'm still recovering). That is my memory of the summer of 2007, a mere ten months ago, recovering from emergency surgery that left me cut, scarred, weak, anemic, fifteen pounds lighter, pale (still pale), confused, depressed, but grateful....yay, fun times.

I never saw it coming. I had had some issues as I mentioned, like most women do but I never thought in a million years I'd wind up on my bathroom floor writhing in pain, going into shock thinking that moment was going to be my last.

One minute you're fine you're hanging out, relatively happy, playing a video game (in my case XBOX 360 TIGER WOODS PGA TOUR 07) minding your own business and in the next minute your body decides to do something else putting you're life in jeopardy.

This is as good as it gets. These are the bodies, minds and spirits we were divinely given. Take good care then, this is serious. You just don't know what's around the corner...it's true based on my life experience. We do know that a minute ago we were all babies...just around the corner is 27, or 45, 65, 70 or God help us 80 or 90 but what of the human condition? What of the spirit? What of the mind? What of the body? How much can yours withstand of this 'life'?

What's beyond? Who knows? But for the love of the here and now, be kind to yourself. Be kind to one another. Cultivate love. Reap and sow love. Feed your spirit. Feed your mind. Forgive easily. Take your vitamins and get your rest. Drink plenty of fluids (getting beveraged up doesn't count - although wine does have some medicinal value). "Everything in moderation..." I overheard someone say once "...even moderation in moderation". Hmmm, how 'bout stress in moderation? How 'bout no stress (self induced or otherwise)?

Surround yourself with good thoughts every day about yourself, about your mate, about your neighbor, about your enemy, about strangers cutting you off on the highway. Lower your stress levels. Have fun! Play video games. Dance. Sing. Whistle. Hum for Pete's sake. Take deep breaths. You've heard that stress kills...well, all that bad blood has got to go somewhere inside of you so be conscious of what you're allowing to build up on the inside and what you're allowing yourself to get caught up in. Be aware of your "tolerance of others" level and increase it. If the really small insignificant things bug you or steal your joy, what will happen to you when the really big stuff happens like life, death, illness and everything in between?

Life is a precious gift. Your health (as good or as bad as it is RIGHT NOW) is a gift. Go outside for a walk and thank God that you're alive. Thank him that you CAN freely walk and run today. Thank Him that you have a brain to formulate praise with today and that you are mindful of Him and all that He has given you. Pray for those that have not today. Pray for those who are ill today. Give freely of yourself.

Be mindful of your worst day physically, spiritually and mentally and do not take those lessons or another minute of your precious life for granted. Live.

CoSM / Bodies

Yesterday was a great day. A big thank you goes out to David Crofts Monroe (Drunk With Barley) who enlightened me about some very interesting art work by way of one of my earlier posts (Einstein Intuitiveness). David likened my essay to one of Alex Grey's paintings. What a huge and important compliment! I was so humbled, I had to check it out.

Alex Grey has created one of the most astounding art exhibits I've ever seen. I checked out his website (http://www.cosm.org/) and then took my husband to see it, live and in person in downtown Manhattan. It was a gorgeous day, breezy, bright and sunny.

The Chapel of the Sacred Mirrors (CoSM) is a meditative and thought provoking place. Alex's art is bigger than life itself in my opinion. It takes you stage by stage through the human life experience including but not limited to the physical, psychic and spiritual. His portrayal of the human anatomy, be it male or female, is quite striking in that you (we all) resemble each other so completely. Once you get through the physical, the metaphysical comes into view. You realize through Alex's interpretation, that there is a wave length (or grid) that exists from this side of the planet to the other that extends through humanity, the firmament and the galaxies. Messages travel at the speed of light (and faster probably) and in a flash, information, thoughts, feelings, and intentions ride that grid instantly reaching the other side or the intended listener.

The first time I viewed the images on the web, they brought a tear to my eye. They were so revealing. I was visualizing what I've always felt on the inside...that there is so much more to the human existence than meets the eye. We are so much more than our physical bodies stripped down to bare bones. The psychic and spiritual still exist long after the body dies. It really is just a vessel and a means to an end (transference) . What you do to it, how you treat it, how you treat others all goes back to the psychic and spiritual. They exist forever. That you cannot destroy.

Mark 14:58

'I will destroy this man-made temple and in three days will build another, not made by man.'

Then we went to The Bodies Exhibit at the South Street Seaport. These real bodies are preserved through an innovative process (plasticized) and then "respectfully" presented. Uh, not so sure about the "respectfully" part. These were human beings, alive at one time displayed in an exhibit....one is holding a football, one is holding a baseball...hmmmm?

Very recently the news media have exposed the possibility that these people were prisoners from China and while they may have been overcome by some kind of accidental death, there is a suggestion that perhaps they are on display without ever giving anyone permission to do so. Opportunists have done this to them. Very interesting and very creepy.

It was strange to observe the human body in such three dimension. In most cases, there was only air between you and the 'person' your viewing. The air in the room was filtered and moving and thus, in some cases, the plasticized blood vessels moved and swayed slightly in the air. The vibrations from people moving within the room sent the 'exhibits' to shiver in some cases. BIZARRE I tell you, but from a biological standpoint truly fascinating.

They had every part of the human body exposed in various forms and layers. Fetal displays from one to nine month stages....who were they and where did they come from? That was troubling to see.

They went so far as to slice the human body in one inch increments through bone and skin displaying what one would look like had they been viewed from an MRI. You can see everything. They also had several disease filled organs on display, i.e., lungs, hearts, livers, colons. The smokers lungs were so black compared to the pinkness of the more healthy versions. The things we do to ourselves, and each other are astounding.

I would say that overall the day was extremely educational. I most enjoyed the Alex Grey exhibit and watching my husband view the exhibits with curiosity and awe. Last nights dreams were full of weird and freaky images. I'll be thinking about this for a long time to come. Thanks again to David Crofts Monroe for bringing this to our attention. It was terrific.

Dire Straits

America has some serious problems. There isn't enough blog hyperspace to cover all of them, so I'll just scratch the surface of one. Drugs.

Prescription drugs, street drugs, emotional drugs, food for drugs, you name it. We use them and abuse them all. It's almost a rite of passage for the youth of America today. Every single child born in America WILL be exposed to all of these drugs sooner or later. Some, by their very own parents who think they're doing the right thing. Some, by their friends who know they're not.

It was no different when I was growing up. Several of my peers didn't survive a night out 'partying'. They died. Died from cocaine and heroine overdoses mostly. That scared me.

That was in the 70's and 80's. I remember the Reagan administrations 'just say no' campaign. That didn't last. Why not? What's changed since then? Well, it's gotten a lot worse. America is so focused on 'the war against terrorism' that it's left the drug war by the way side. The Bush administration has said ... wait let me think ... NOTHING on the subject.

Prescription companies and drug dealers are one in the same and have only one purpose. To sell their wares. They don't care who buys them, who takes them, who dies from them. They just don't care. The almighty dollar (which isn't worth a valium today) is superior to the lives that they're medicating. As long as they're making a profit, as long as people are sick and dying, as long as people are experimenting and becoming addicted, they know they've got a strong hold like never before. And we, as Americans, have empowered them to kill our very selves and children. When will America get scared into change?

When did Americans become so numb to life?

Of late, Anna Nicole Smith died from abusing prescription drugs that were given to her by medical professionals (and her every loving posse) to say the least. Heath Ledger will probably have suffered the same fate. Why? When will we stop self medicating? How about today? How about seeking out alternative solutions to pain and suffering? How about throwing out those scripts that you know serve only one purpose. How about saying no to your children when they ask for a pain killer that they've seen you take a million times? How about taking your addicted child to a rehab center for more than 30 days and really making sure their sobriety sticks? How about parents and children going together? Counseling. Rehab. Education. Spirituality. GOD! Where is God? (Oh yeah, we've taken God out of the equation.)

Lean on your own understanding and you will be pressed under. Get some wisdom people. Our children are dying....

Psalm 121 A song of ascents.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.