The Deep End to Enlightenment

I love metaphors.  I can chew on them all day and when you get right down to it, they're pretty darn accurate when it comes to descriptors of life and all it's complexity.  We oversimplify things, and we exaggerate, but sometimes a metaphor is like a lightning bolt ripping chords of illumination through the entire thinking process of our lives and we get 'ah ha' moments, as the avatar Oprah likes to say.   It is the ultimate equalizer.  

At any given moment in our life experience we can choose a metaphor to best describe the complexities of it so that others can have a deeper appreciation of what our unique sensory translation is at that time.  We all experience life differently.  Our unique brains and even more unique personal past experiences are deciphering our sensory input on an exponential level and, I believe with our transcendence into the 5D realm, we are able to compute on new, express levels, if you will.   But, we still speak pretty much the same language.  There are some new words and phrases, as with anything new, but at the end of the day, we get it, whether we admit it, or not.

Technology is not the only thing advancing on the planet, heaven forbid.  Technology is but a reflection of the advancement of the human that created it, and we have truly transcended, or so it would seem to a dedicated few in comparison to the whole of the world's population.  This is where 'the deep end' comes in.

In this new age of transcendence, holding onto that which no longer serves you is going to be a little bit more costly than usual.  Your spiritual, emotional, physical and mental currency will have to be utilized in this new dimension.  Those that choose to remain in their old patterned mindsets will have to pay dearly because when the Universe, and Mother Nature, and Universal Consciousness decided that NOW is the time to ascend to a higher level of thinking, living and being, and the human chooses to defy this, well, it has a reverberation that will show up much faster than before.  2016 is promising to be a year of great change, the likes of which we have never experienced here on Earth before, and if what I am saying is true, if you haven't already decided, you will continually be prompted, repeatedly called to make the necessary adjustments, as we are one and no one is excluded, even those that exclude themselves.

The downside to the status quo may show up as grave illness, strife, stress, or depression that drowns itself.  The good news is that if you choose to transcend, Spirit will never let you drown.  In an instant you can choose to become more than you've ever been.  It has always been your choice.  There comes a time in one's life when you have to choose.  You have to face a system of discontent that no longer serves the bigger picture.  You have to decide, firstly, whether or not you want to admit that there even is discontent, and if you get that far in your truth, you can go further to the root of the cause.  Once you get there, you can start to apply a loving, healing principle to transmute the discontentment into contentment, at the very least, or, ideally, a complete clearing back to creative energy.

But, most of us just 'throw out' (there is no 'out', btw) stuff in the deep end and hang out in the shallows. Who wants to do all that work?  Why can't we just be happy and not talk about those things?  Why can't we just say it's a new day and get on with it?  Well, of course we can.  And, the truth is, most of us do just that.  We ignore our truth.  We ignore others.  We play pretend, or worse, we're the real ugly deal.  But, when you live in the olympic size pool of life, you do not get to choose which depth you lead with.  You bring the whole energy pool.  You think you're swimming in pristine waters, you think you look amazing in your perfectly chosen suit of illusion, but water is transparent, and especially when it's not, everyone can see it. 

So, how can we clean up the water in the entire pool (ocean of life, our hearts and minds), not just the deep end where everything accumulates?  Always start with the densest stuff first.  If there's bacteria, debris, poison or toxicity, it has to go first, or, the entire pool will become infected, remain infected, cause infection, be infection (or dis-ease).  

For me, I didn't just store stuff in the deep end, I labeled stuff and had it all organized.  I had all my stories, reasons, justifications, understandings, because's, you name it.  Every single wave in the deep end of my life was weighed down, or tagged with something that even had an anchor to keep it in place, lest I forget to remind you.  You could wake me out of a sound sleep and ask me to cue up one of those waves and I could with clarity, emotion, charge and expression frozen in time, recount every experience without an ounce of clearing.  Completely exhausting, non-transcending, sickening really.  And, I did get sick, and even though my body healed from all of that holding on, my soul, my heart, my mind were still creating the same old program:  take all pain and sink it in the deep end and then avoid it at all costs, pretend it's not even there, maybe it will just go away.

I've had to learn how to swim all over again, many times.  I've had to find the instructors, study the lessons, apply what I had learned and enduring, excel at and pass quite the many exams.

Thankfully, I had a great swimming coach and program as a child.    The coach was patient and kind and the program was simple.  First, all the children were lovingly acquainted, then encouraged and acclimated with the shallow end of the pool and the cold water.  We were taught to be courageous and not intimidated, respectful, yet playful.  We were asked to sit down in a row on the pool's edge putting feet first in the water, where we were all taught to kick as one.  It was a lot of fun splashing around adults with freedom and no fear of consequence.   Once we got going, we never wanted to stop.  This was great.  If this was swimming, this was going to be a breeze.   It was light and exciting, and one of the easier lessons.

Then, the instructor upped the ante and we were asked to stand in a row putting our faces into the clear, cold water and blow bubbles.  He instructed us to turn our chins up and out to inhale, and then back down in the water to exhale blowing bubbles again.  Some struggled with this, and rightfully so.  They loved the blowing bubbles part, but the brain is wired to survive and submerging your face in the water without any prior reference point as to how to breathe life sustaining air except to GET IT  OUT, is a natural response until you learn to trust in some very effective breathing techniques that when applied, make the prior, very real panic and attention grabbing notions of getting out, or freaking out, unreasonable.  We all encouraged one another and laughed at ourselves.  Deep down, no one wanted to get out.  We all wanted to learn how to trust the instruction process, especially for beautiful, hot Summer days where you can cool off without a care in the world.

We were taught coordination putting arm strokes together with breathing while still standing in the shallows with the deep waters in clear sight.  And slowly, we were inched into eight feet of water where we were all lined up along the side of the pool holding on with both hands.  We extended our legs behind us and all began kicking as one machine.  No one could touch the bottom of the pool and when we realized this we all giggled with excitement because of what we had achieved.  

Then the day came when we asked to learn the meaning of perseverance while treading water in the deep end.  With only a swim stroke between us and the side of the pool, we were asked to float and tread water until they told us to stop.  At this point, endurance, sheer faith and determination ensues unless you never try that day.  I don't remember anyone quitting.  We all successfully learned to tread water and went on to the next level.

We practiced daily with exercises and the instructor was sure to let us have free swim and play time as well.  We played and practiced and once we mastered all levels, we were allowed to begin to put it all together.   How long can you hold your position without swimming just bobbing there kicking and flowing?

We all learned how to swim above and below the water, no matter what the depth.  We learned to do laps, and we eventually learned to do deep retrieval diving, as well as high board springing.  It was a most comprehensive and effective program to help anyone navigate any pool with gallons and gallons of clear, cold, refreshing water.  We were all asked to do the same as everyone else, but it was obvious that we were all at different levels.  It didn't matter.  The goal was the same for everyone and if it hadn't been for this program, we would have just continued to pretend (as children do) to know how to navigate the deep end, as well as playfully, cautiously and effectively avoiding it.

It didn't end there.  After the lessons of acquaintance and acclimation, love, courage, encouragement, respect, playful trust, coordination, perseverance, application techniques and practice, came the very public testing days where we were all gauged to determine where we were allowed to even be in the pool, at any given time.  That decision was not your own until you reached a certain level where the instructors didn't have to instruct anymore, but the lifeguards still had to maintain a presence and an overall observance of all happenings.

Everyone is watching everyone else.  It's the exciting and terrific day color coded bathings caps are given out clearly indicating who can swim where.  Everyone can see each others progress which we were asked to display.  Each had to humbly stand, practically naked in our swimsuits beside the seemingness endless amounts of water and each other, and follow the instructors prompts.  We each had to jump or dive in the above our head water at around 8 feet, swim across to the other side and back, go down in and retrieve a metal pipe lying on the bottom of the pool floor, jump or dive off the highest diving board, we were asked to do it all.  Some of us excelled as far as you can in the program and some were moderate to intermediate swimmers.   I suppose there may have been a quitter or two, but I was unaware of them from my vantage point.  It didn't matter.  We were all in the same pool together given the same opportunity.  There were shallows and deep waters.  There were fears and obstacles to overcome.  There were guides, counselors, teachers and lifeguards.  There were experienced and first time swimmers.  We were all there somewhere in the mix and, we were all one.

Can you imagine if the coach just threw us in the water without any instruction?  Surely after that, we would never attempt the deep end and maybe not even the pool at all.  Whatever was going on down at that end of the pool would just have to remain a mystery, but life is both the deep and the shallows.  It's the shady chairs and it's the sun deck.  It's the deep, rich tan and the palest skin.  It's the warmth of the sun and the cool of the water.  It's the smoothness of a babies cheek turned toward the sky, and it's an old woman's wrinkles as she lathers on sun screen.  It's the instructor and the student.  It's the life guard and the swimmer.  Life is both the sparkling pool waters in Summer, and sparkling ice crystals in Winter.  You would never deny one and only choose the other, well, you could try, but eventually balance wins.

And so, it's a new year.  If you've not cleaned out the deep end of your pool yet, you may want to just take a walk around and look at what's accumulating.  How does it feel to know that there's stuff down there?  How does it feel to know that you are in charge and you are allowing this in your life?  Can you truly feel free and clear knowing that you're running out of depth?  Can you still truly feel good?  Eventually, the water will have no room.   Eventually something will overcome.  Eventually, you may go to take a dip in your pool and find cement instead of what was once beautiful clean, clear, flowing water.  

Go to the deep end.  Try to learn to float again.  Can you freely tread water out in the deep, or does it become overwhelming?  Perhaps start by filtering out shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, pride, stories, reasons, justifications, and because's.  Get to feeling at least neutral about the deep end, instead of avoidance.   As you continue, reach for courage, and these will follow:  clarity, willingness, acceptance, reason (not reasons), love, joy, peace and enlightenment.

Learning to swim is a lot like learning to ascend, or transcend a new realm.  There are teachers, teachings, techniques, and lessons, and effective programs to assist you in your renewing of your mind, spirit, soul.  Just go within.  

What keeps you out?

That's what it's all about.  It's simple really.  Connect to your heart.  Stay there for a long while.  Then engage your mind.  If the mind is conflicted in the light of the heart, just allow your mind to be renewed with the weightless life raft of true, real, transcending love.  Sprinkle the deep end with love buoys of forgiveness for self, and others.  Create unity in your family and your community.  Make it your life's work.  Be diligent and relentless in teaching yourself how to float and swim in the clear waters of transcendence taking all experiences and wringing them out into beautiful drops of wisdom and grace.

Like the bottomless boats that allow you to see all that transpires, be so translucent that when others see you, they just see the clear waters of your weightless soul, free, swimming and flowing with all that is, for the highest good of all.   

And, so it is.

Namaste and, go for a swim won't you?  

  

Grateful Warrior

It's hard to imagine being happy about going for radiation therapy treatment for Stage O Breast cancer but really what is the alternative?  Thankfully, I've not had to even think about chemotherapy.  My Surgeon decided the best course of action after the lumpectomy surgery would be radiation therapy and taking Tamoxifen but I've not started the latter yet.

Truth be told, once I received the recommended course of action, I just about fell off the planet in a moment of fear, panic, depression, and again let me say fear.  Radiation and I are still not the warm and fuzziest of friends.  I haven't yet said "Woo hoo can't wait to go."  It's one the scariest thing I've ever had to consider besides divorcing my husband (which I still have not done).  We are separated and eventually we will sever our legal ties but for now we're still sharing our home and our lives somewhat.  News of this disease has changed things as you can imagine.  Just kind of slowed that steam train down.  It's all good though.  You find out quickly who your real friends are when you become someone who needs.

What do I need?  Well nothing really.  What I needed and received was wise and sound support to help me make one of the hardest decisions ever...to subject my body to radiation therapy to preserve my life and prevent Stage 0 cancer from developing further.  Once I calmed down and felt the prayers and love and support of family and friends it became clearer what I needed to do.

I still didn't commit right away.  I slept on it a bit.  Interesting to note, I didn't lose a single night's sleep thinking and praying about this decision.  I felt a peace about it deep down inside although my head was screaming with concern and my heart was broken, my Spirit was firm.  I reached out to the medical community.  My Surgeon suggested that I forget about the Tamoxifen for awhile.  She knew I was feeling too overwhelmed by all of it.  I told her I may need more support and she gladly provided a few phone numbers for counseling if and when I needed them. 

I reached out to my spiritual friends, to family and mostly God, and after all that, I still had to make the decision for myself.  No one could tell me what to do, after all, I'm the one who has to show up for 30 treatments so I best be able to make a decision I can live with and feel good about.

I called and made the appointment to start therapy asap, and began I did.

I have approximately 17 treatments left, out of a total of 30.  I am having some discomfort but nothing so far that I can't deal with.  The side effects, they say, are temporary (i.e., redness, soreness, burning, itching, discoloration or darkening of the treated area, sensitivity and I pretty much have all of that but not that bad).

It's a strange thing, radiation therapy.  It's not like an x-ray at all.  It's a lot more intimidating than that.  I have to lie down bare breasted and this massive machine with an extended arm and huge circular disk at the end is manipulated around you, once the nurses put you in position that is.  I have had more sharpee marker lines drawn on my skin to make sure that the radiation is targeting a very specific area.  That's after I was marked with permanent ink via the tip of a needle.  A total of 7 small dots were placed all around my breast marking where the laser lights would need to be focusing on so as to radiate only the cancerous tissue.  This is all very technical but once you've gone through the procedure a few times it becomes pretty routine.  You get undressed from the waist up, you put your arms into the 'mold' that they make for you.  This is to keep you again in the exact same spot so as to only treat the specified area.  Once you're in the mold and the lasers are matched up to the your marker dots and tattoo's on your skin, the nurses leave the room and then you have a second to brace yourself.

For me, I use that second to evoke all the Archangels to come and assist me.  I pray the Our Father and the Hail Mary as many times as I possibly can during the treatment and just prior.  The circular disk that's focused it's attention on your breast makes some hissing noises, opens it's radiation portal and then the radiation begins with a sound that I can barely describe but won't soon forget.  It's kind of like a low vibrating, toxic, somethings really happening here sound.  Every time the sound starts I get a sensation of my entire body lowering it's vibration and then it settles as it progresses and then it's over.  At least the first part of the treatment.  The nurses come back into the room, keep in mind they've locked me behind a vault like door with tremendous locks so as to prevent any radiation from escaping the room or some unsuspecting person from entering by mistake.  They realign the huge radiation arm disk monster, check the alignment again and they leave once again to start the second part of the treatment.  Basically, they focus the radiation one way and then the other.  They get both sides of the breast and some of your underarm as well as that's the beginning of breast tissue.

So now, in addition to two inch scars on each breast, I now have one breast that looks like I kept it on the roof during a solar flare storm.  It's definitely being radiated.  Hopefully, I will be able to deal with what it looks like after the treatment is over and it's had some time to heal.  The next few weeks are going to be interesting and probably more of an uphill climb.  Not making any assumptions or projecting negativity into the future, just preparing myself.  My prayer is that the side effects going forward would be minimal and the treatments would continue without a hitch.  The nurses at Holy Name Hospital are and always have been angelic.  They are selfless and always at the ready to assist me with whatever concerns I have, as are my Doctors.  I am in good hands, spiritually and medically and I know that all of this is necessary and will be exactly what I was supposed to do to prevent something much more horrific.

Cancer seems to be rampant these days.  I hear of more and more people becoming sick and some have even died.  My best friends Dad, Joseph Gaspari passed away recently succumbing to his terminal brain cancer after valiantly fighting for more than two years. 

Joe, you are such an inspiration to me.  I am so proud of the fight that you fought and you remind me every day that what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.  Your legacy will live on in your children and their children, one day.  Your Spirit lives on, this I know, and I pray for you and your family constantly.  You are greatly missed my friend and I know we will meet again to discuss our war against this disease and our love for one another and all that we share mutually.  I will never forget you and I'm so lucky to have known you.  God speed Joseph.

Live To Learn

"I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well."  Diane Ackerman

Life has so much to offer, not just in it's longevity of days which at times feels like it could last forever, but in it's subtle width that if we're not careful, we'll overlook.  We sometimes tend to carve out an existence and get into a groove that can be repetitive and dull.  We may stay the course even more since we've carved out that path but why?  Maybe because it seems easier to stay the course rather than to try and make a new way.

That reminds me of driving down an old country road.  Sometimes, there are grooves in the road that can actually interfere with your ability to drive in a straight line.  You pop out of the groove and then you sink back into it over and over until you just give up and stay the course until a better patch of roadway pops up and when it does, you're relieved especially when you realize how hard it actually was to stay inside the groove.  Turns out it's much easier to come out, stay out and charter a new course rather than stay inside the groove of that which you clearly do not fit into any longer.

But how do you know when something 'doesn't fit' any longer?  I guess it depends what 'it' is.  For me, whenever I was on a road that was either coming to an end or starting to get into a sticky groove, 'it' had something to do with my mind, my body or my spirit.  I realize that covers everything, as it should, but God in Her mercy always would present me with one challenge at a time, albeit a tough one.  I would come to recognize the area that I needed to change and would draw from my past experiences to devise a plan of attack or action or whatever the situation called for. 

For instance, I quit a terrible, cigarette-smoking-addiction cold-turkey over seven years ago and never looked back!  Yeah, that's a big one and I'm quite proud of it.  When I realized that that part of my life needed to fall by the way-side, I made a conscious, deliberate decision to stop smoking.  I prayed about it, received the grace to change my habits immediately and made a plan to succeed and then, I stepped right out of the groove of addiction onto a new path of freedom and I paved my new way.  I stayed the new course and have had a lot of success with it.  When looking back, I realize that it all worked together for the good.  All of the thinking and decision making and habit changes all worked together to help me gain the success that I had envisioned long before I decided to quit.  I had a goal in mind and I pursued it with all that I had, and I was and still am successful in this regard.  It parlays itself into other areas of my life and helps me to be successful when I set the course in my mind first and then act accordingly and build on my past successes.

But, that's a pretty simple example, I suppose, when it comes to major life changes or challenges in life.  I've had many more difficult ones but the simple principle of the above example really does play itself out in a way that is very useful.  Deliberate action brings deliberate results when planned and executed, right?  At least one can only hope. 

Life sometimes gets a chuckle out of the way we over-simplify it.  We think we've got it all figured out and then the 'rug' gets pulled out from underneath the deep groove we've made for ourselves.  We think we've 'seen it all' and then we get an eyefull of something we've never, ever seen before and that makes us go - uh oh.

I have tremendous respect for the true mysteriousness of life and for life force energy.  Just look around you at all that lives, breathes and grows.  It truly is amazing, magical and precious that we are all part of this magnificent, life-force frequency-emitting-orchestra sending energy simultaneously to each other and beyond. 

We're doing all of this without ever even trying.  We're mostly unaware of the energy that we emit to one another and we are mostly unaware of how insync and connected we are to everyone and everything.  We have the ability to change our state of mind, our circumstances, our health, our relationships, our karma, our state of being, our world.

We can take a bad situation and turn it into something wonderful.  We can use our past experiences to learn from them and to teach others that perhaps there is a better way to live.

Once we embrace the notion that everything is temporary, and all life eventually transcends into something else, we can embark on a journey of respect and mindful elevation that brings the spirit into a love pattern that creates a groove on a much higher plane.  A groove that does not limit or restrict, but broadens and helps growth.  Love is the vehicle I believe, to enlightenment, to change, to health, to spiritual, mental and physical wellness.  You must love yourself first, then you can see fit to love others.  Jesus said in the Gospel of Matthew:

3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

You really have to love yourself in order to discipline yourself.  The Bible also says that 'the body is at war with the spirit', so it stands to reason that you would need to discipline yourself at times, to say no, to not give it whatsoever it desires and to keep your body somewhat pure to inhabit the grace of God.  Hmmmm.

The body is the temple of the Spirit of all creation.  In my humble life, I have come to learn that.  Sure, I've heard that said before but it was not until I reached a certain level in my spiritual life that I realized certain things about the body and the mind.

And what have I learned?  Quite a few lessons along the way, most of which I wouldn't trade for all the world.  What good is the world if you've not figured out a way to truly navigate through it. 

I thought that life was a little less fragile than it actually is.  I thought that life was a little more predictable than it really is.  You only need to be rushed to the hospital once or hear really unexpected news about a friend or a loved one to appreciate that.

The challenges that sometimes lay ahead are not for the faint of heart.  You need to be as prepared as you possibly can be and then hope, pray and work really hard for the best outcome.  You know the expression, put your best foot forward.  It may sound corny but believe me, warriors wear armour and train for a reason.  A battle can sometimes be just that...a war or a confrontation with something in your life that stands to take from you that which must not be taken or that which you must freely give...like your life.

Death, illness, destruction, war, hatred...these are real things in the world and we must be prepared to deal with them if and when we happen upon them. 

On the contrary, I want to be ready for sunshine and flowers and a salt-filled ocean breezes, but those things seem easier to prepare for. 

You can never really be prepared for some things in your life, but most things perhaps.

No New Thank You

My bones are still tired from all of the "Spring cleaning" I did yesterday. I could see the day coming off in the distance for weeks before it got here. I could see it and I could hear it. It would say "gotta clean out my closet", "gotta put away the winter clothes and take out the summer clothes", "gotta straighten out the linen closet", "gotta do the floors (all of them)" "gotta wash the windows", "gotta go through the drawers and under the sinks", etc., etc.

Suffice to say that mostly all of it got done and today I feel my age. I'm moving a little bit slower than I was yesterday. Nothing a few days of yoga can't fix if I can squeeze it in. Lately, I've not had the time to do it 'all' so yoga has suffered and so have I. I have made it to the park though and out of all of the things that I do, that one seems to be the most important. I must take time out to reflect and exercise and walk in the park. It centers me as does meditation and yoga and cleaning, as it turns out. The ritual of cleaning and organizing and reducing clutter and waste...it is important to me. It's necessary. And I'm really okay with it. I've been asked several times to hire someone to come and clean my house and I did it when I broke my arm a short 10 months ago, and it was helpful. But I'm so much better now and I can do it myself and I need to do it myself. I'm not just surface cleaning...I'm going through everything. Eventually, like my life, I hope to have no clutter.

Yesterday I realized that over the course of my life, I've accumulated a lot of 'stuff'. Stuff that I really don't need so as they say 'out with the old'.

As far as 'in with the new' ... no. No new thank you. I'm making space once again (unless we're talking about shoes, then - okay, let's see 'em - shoes make me feel good)!

It felt so great waking up and realizing that finally all of 'those' chores that called to me from afar were now ghosts. Quite an accomplishment and a good feeling. I'm interested in good feelings lately...the more the merrier. I mean, you "gotta" clean right? But you gotta have fun too!

Life is so fragile and short. "In this world ye shall have tribulations, but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” Jesus said that in John 16:33.

Simplify so that you have less worries about less important things.

Joy and laughter come easier to those with less worries. How can joy emanate from a worrisome soul right?

Don't get me wrong. We all go through life's most amazing challenges. We all struggle with chores, with work, with family, school, bills. We're not unique in this way.

We're unique in how we overcome these challenges. Being positive is underrated. Being truthful is underrated. Being healthy and fit is underrated as is being spiritual or Godly.

The Dalai Lama was here recently. He says things are improving. I am also hopeful and pray that the world becomes happier and in turn, we become kinder to one another.

We can all afford to clean up our acts a little bit, inside and out, be better, smile more. Don't you think?

There are a few more things I see in the distance coming into my reality. I can hear them too. They're saying things like "what about the garage", "what about the basement"?, "what about the "OTHER" closet"??? Yeah, I still have some work to do. But today?

Today is Sunday. A day historically, symbolically and spiritually expressed in giving praise to God and resting. The former I do constantly, and the latter well, I shall begin after these very next key strokes.

Be love, be light and while there is still breath in your lungs, get out there and have fun!

(This post was written last week...I haven't been posting because I'm having difficulty posting pictures and I'm frustrated not being able to do that...suffice to say, I posted this because it's better to post without pictures than not to post at all).

love love love

Carve Out Your Life

For me, life has always had lots of plateaus. Some pleasant, some not so much. I think now though that I'm ready for the next level whatever that may be. We've been at this level for some time now and have had some success. We've manifested change in our circumstances and we've been happy with the outcome.

It's time now to move on. Passion works like that. It's a stirring. A feeling that will not relent. Something that calls continually until you pay attention to it.

Jim's been working really hard at the shop and needs a vacation. I've been busy with my Reiki Master level working with clients and giving talks and lectures but I think it's time for more, something new, something radical.

We live in a sea of limitless potential and possibility, what will we create?

Well I know I'm going to pursue my Reiki Master Teacher level. It's only logical - not so radical, but necessary on my journey. I've come so far and the next step would be the last in my "official" certification and training. Then, I would be able to attune others to Reiki so that they can teach others and so on and so on....sounds like a sweet legacy and an official plan to me.

Jim has some major life changes to consider. We would love to move out of state and start a new business while broadening my Reiki practice. We know that we're just young enough to do something that everyone least expects but secretly hopes we'd do. It's time. Our hearts have been a little troubled but oh so grateful lately. We're praying and thanking God for His continual help. We praise Him for everything that we have, everything that He's given us. And then we stumble upon these waters while taking a little trip to clear our heads. Just look where we wound up . . .

John 7:38 NIV

38Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said,

streams of living water will flow from within him."

I want to see more of this. I want to continually cast my cares on the living waters that rush with such ferocity that I rest assured that they have been swept away and cleansed from the inside out. God is so awesome like that. He reminds us that He's right beside us. He reminds us that if we allow it, He will orchestrate our lives in such a way that there is absolutely no mistaking that He is the navigator.

I believe He places passions in our hearts to continually grow to the next level and give and learn and be. And I believe He takes away that which is no longer necessary in our lives effortlessly and surely, as surely as this water is flowing today, as surely as He is still the Living Water.

These waters were such an unexpected pleasure. We knew we were headed to the Newark watershed, the water supply for most of northern New Jersey but because the water table was so high from all the rain, this little waterfall turned into a monster with a message. A message about how to carve out your life with purpose and intention.

I speak all the time about Dr. Emoto and his work with water and how we need to be more mindful and appreciative. I thanked that water as it came crashing by us.

It was such a powerful moment and reward to just sit and watch and listen as it came from high up in the stream and cascaded down and carved out it's path whether the rocks approved or not. Sure the rocks held their ground and for the most part refused to move, but the water, over time moved those rocks in such a way that the rocks are almost unaware that their being moved.

Like our circumstances and trials in our lives, they are the mountains or rocks that I speak of...the mountains or rocks of stress and illness and dis ease or dis belief, dis content. The water is our faith. Our faith moves those rocks, moves those mountains and defies even the most stubborn of obstacles. We need to identify what we're placing our faith in and if it's God, we need harness the power of that faith.

Matthew 17:20 NIV
20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth,

if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain,

'Move from here to there' and it will move.

Nothing will be impossible for you."

Powerful huh?

These waters have been and still are carving their way through the mountains and rock, relentlessly. There is a whittling away, a re-shaping. We will go back at the end of the season and take new pictures to see how it's changed and to see how much the water has moved the rocks.

I think God would point out though, that we're the ones that move and we're the ones that change. I'm just sayin'.

What are you moving with faith today?

2 Peter 3:5 NIV
5But they deliberately forget that long ago by God's word

the heavens existed and the earth was formed out of water and by water.

Dreams and Visions

Last night's dream was interesting. I dreamt it was a beautiful, calm, still night. I was alone, standing in what appeared to be an alley - or my backyard standing next to a familiar fence (we just put in a new fence). I was in a safe place. In the light of the night I saw some mist moving around me and then I looked up to see a full moon. I was completely filled with the knowledge of His Presence and I began to pray thankfully to My Most High God . . .

...would you believe something off into the distance called me away and I woke up to a ringing phone. ugggghhhhh!

I forgot about the dream until now. Truly, what a blessing to have such a great and awesome dream. My immediate interpretation was...Holy Emmanuel (meaning God with us; or God with me). Wow! That's humbling.

Psalm 8:4 "...what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him"?

I spend time in prayer seeking His Holy Countenance and then I have a dream like this one with Holy Mist and I know God is with me. I know God makes my path straight because I ask Him to. When the unpredictability of life happens, as it does everyday, I pray. And I tell you from the depths of my soul that Romans 8:28 is true.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." People always leave that last part out...they always say "...God works all things together for the good..." period and they stop there. But the rest of that Scripture is extremely important, "...for those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose".

I believe we are all called to the Creators' higher purpose and whoever responds with openness and love and is ready for duty -- get this -- r e c e i v e s. Receives the necessary gifts, talents and faith to minister to and heal the world. That's what life is all about. Simple huh?

I am compelled to pray, seek and communicate about spiritual matters. I am in awe of the love I feel inside and I believe it can only be emanating from and returning to its source.

I make myself forever available to that source of light, love and miracles.

I believe that dream was God returning to me all the time that I put in. God knows the spiritual manifestation inside of me that is growing and is eternal. He knows that's the part of myself that I love to nurture most. He should know since He's placed that desire inside of me and He reinforces those notions every day (and every night : ).

Mighty Lessons Learned

One of the biggest mistakes that I've ever made was not allowing myself to feel something, whatever that may have been at the time.

Perhaps I was going through a painful experience and instead of facing it head on, praying about it, talking about it (with the right people) I would either pretend I wasn't feeling it, or numb myself by getting into even more trouble.

That set me back monumentally. It's self sabotage.

I realize we do these things because it's hard to feel bad feelings, sad feelings, insecure or frightening feelings. Sometimes life is not all sweetness and air. Sometimes it's damp and heavy and musty and depressing.

I have found that over time it is best to acknowledge and accept whatever it is. You have to eventually anyway if you want to lead a healthy, productive, evolved, illuminating, conscious, forgiving, nurturing (to yourself as well as others) and gift filled life.

If you allow yourself to turn away from that which haunts you, you will only continue to be haunted. Perhaps it will show up when you least expect it.

We trick ourselves into thinking 'this or that' doesn't bother us. That it's all under control. But then the ripples on the surface of our lake break, and the cycle of pain and denial begins all over again.

It becomes a re-living of that very experience that you thought you'd put behind you. It taunts you. It teases you. It has all the power over you as long as you choose not to face it.

Once you do face it head on, however, the flood gates of anxiety, fear, pain, sorrow, remorse, anger, they all release and come to the surface. At that point, you can either turn away because it's too much or you can work through it. You might get sicker before you get better, but like any infection with a little care it will clear up.

I have many emotional scars that I tend to. All mighty lessons learned. I don't try to deny that they exist or that I once felt a certain way in particular. I am who I am. I went through what I went through. Life happens to all of us and it makes us stronger in the end, I am convinced because I am proof.

Today, I am living in the present moment. If something arises on the surface and bothers me, I tend to look deeper to find the root (if there is one). I will allow myself to feel. Feel the sorrow. Feel the loss. Feel the insecurity of it all. If it is a deep rooted feeling and I know the origination, I pray and meditate and give that over to God. I 'give it over' to God by releasing it into the air, into the Spirit, into Grace.

God waits all day for us to give Him our struggles and He happily takes them and replaces them with peace, strength and a sense of space where there was none before. That space can then be used by God to teach us about the true essence of the strength in growing and evolving from humanity into Spirit.

Embrace the evolution and rejoice! What you are to be you are still becoming.

Love & Namaste

To Change, Without a Doubt

Maria & Jim back then...

Maria & Jim today . . .

We are not who we used to be. The cycle of positive change has happened quite a bit over the span of our lives. Physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, professional changes have made us the energies we are today.

Did we actually see or feel change happening everyday? Mostly not so much.

Some days, yes. Some days change arrives on our doorstep unannounced, hungry, wearing a trench coat and a hat, carrying luggage in one hand and intention to stick around for six to eight weeks in the other.

We, however, were not expecting change. We were not prepared to entertain change. We had given absolutely no thought or consideration to the possibility of change arriving let alone staying. We were just getting used to believing in ourselves and our circumstances the way they were.

So, after the angst-filled adjustment period of giving consideration to change, acceptance makes it's first appearance in the form of fresh air and open mindedness. Change has been freed on the inside and now has its place and becomes a welcomed guest.

Being the best hosts we can be, we feed change a nice meal and give it a cozy place to rest for a while so we can get used to having it around. Change makes itself at home and starts to introduce itself to everyone, including the neighbors.

Everyone knows when change comes to town, it's all anyone can speak about.

Before we know it, six months have passed and we've become quite accustomed to change. It's as if change were there all the time.

So when the news arrived that change had done it's job and would be leaving, why was change so unexpected? Why were we, once again, not prepared to entertain the possibility of change?

Change is leaving? So soon? That's impossible! What do you mean, change just got here? That can't be true! We were just getting ready to do some big things together! We were just getting used to having change around! Where is change going? How will we get along without change? What will we do now?

Even the neighbors couldn't believe the news!

Change had spent six months affecting everyone and now change was heading out. What would become of those it left behind?

Those that have been paying attention silently prepare their minds and spirits for possibilities, fresh air and open mindedness, changes coming and going. They know that to change is to evolve.

Those that have not been paying attention, will suffer the angst-filled adjustment periods of giving consideration to change until they get it right by giving change a permanent place in their lives.

Change just packs its bags and heads out to find either its next poor, unsuspecting soul to mess with or someone who has prayed for and beckoned it to arrive.

But don't worry, change will return. Change always returns.

CoSM / Bodies

Yesterday was a great day. A big thank you goes out to David Crofts Monroe (Drunk With Barley) who enlightened me about some very interesting art work by way of one of my earlier posts (Einstein Intuitiveness). David likened my essay to one of Alex Grey's paintings. What a huge and important compliment! I was so humbled, I had to check it out.

Alex Grey has created one of the most astounding art exhibits I've ever seen. I checked out his website (http://www.cosm.org/) and then took my husband to see it, live and in person in downtown Manhattan. It was a gorgeous day, breezy, bright and sunny.

The Chapel of the Sacred Mirrors (CoSM) is a meditative and thought provoking place. Alex's art is bigger than life itself in my opinion. It takes you stage by stage through the human life experience including but not limited to the physical, psychic and spiritual. His portrayal of the human anatomy, be it male or female, is quite striking in that you (we all) resemble each other so completely. Once you get through the physical, the metaphysical comes into view. You realize through Alex's interpretation, that there is a wave length (or grid) that exists from this side of the planet to the other that extends through humanity, the firmament and the galaxies. Messages travel at the speed of light (and faster probably) and in a flash, information, thoughts, feelings, and intentions ride that grid instantly reaching the other side or the intended listener.

The first time I viewed the images on the web, they brought a tear to my eye. They were so revealing. I was visualizing what I've always felt on the inside...that there is so much more to the human existence than meets the eye. We are so much more than our physical bodies stripped down to bare bones. The psychic and spiritual still exist long after the body dies. It really is just a vessel and a means to an end (transference) . What you do to it, how you treat it, how you treat others all goes back to the psychic and spiritual. They exist forever. That you cannot destroy.

Mark 14:58

'I will destroy this man-made temple and in three days will build another, not made by man.'

Then we went to The Bodies Exhibit at the South Street Seaport. These real bodies are preserved through an innovative process (plasticized) and then "respectfully" presented. Uh, not so sure about the "respectfully" part. These were human beings, alive at one time displayed in an exhibit....one is holding a football, one is holding a baseball...hmmmm?

Very recently the news media have exposed the possibility that these people were prisoners from China and while they may have been overcome by some kind of accidental death, there is a suggestion that perhaps they are on display without ever giving anyone permission to do so. Opportunists have done this to them. Very interesting and very creepy.

It was strange to observe the human body in such three dimension. In most cases, there was only air between you and the 'person' your viewing. The air in the room was filtered and moving and thus, in some cases, the plasticized blood vessels moved and swayed slightly in the air. The vibrations from people moving within the room sent the 'exhibits' to shiver in some cases. BIZARRE I tell you, but from a biological standpoint truly fascinating.

They had every part of the human body exposed in various forms and layers. Fetal displays from one to nine month stages....who were they and where did they come from? That was troubling to see.

They went so far as to slice the human body in one inch increments through bone and skin displaying what one would look like had they been viewed from an MRI. You can see everything. They also had several disease filled organs on display, i.e., lungs, hearts, livers, colons. The smokers lungs were so black compared to the pinkness of the more healthy versions. The things we do to ourselves, and each other are astounding.

I would say that overall the day was extremely educational. I most enjoyed the Alex Grey exhibit and watching my husband view the exhibits with curiosity and awe. Last nights dreams were full of weird and freaky images. I'll be thinking about this for a long time to come. Thanks again to David Crofts Monroe for bringing this to our attention. It was terrific.

Einstein Intuitiveness

Written by me...2003

The great mystery can be obtained through egotistic secularism, why not? The wells run deep into purification and sanctification and run deep for that purpose.

Defensive religious demagoguery is still a gathering and a wellspring of opportunity. And yes, they stare at His Holy intrinsic value not quite knowing what to make of Him.

A harvest to be reaped some see. Others see the back breaking turning of the soil for weeks on end before and yet others see the back breaking pruning for weeks on end after.

And yet others know that when planting begins, He speaks esoteric words that fall like metamorphosis into His soil.

Now, gauging how things grow through egotistic secularism and knowing the impetus is in place, Nirvana may take some time in coming, but when it comes it comes like Zen in tangerine tambourines and mind blowing midnight tangos.

So begins those kaleidoscopic moons and with Einstein intuitiveness, seeds greet the sun filled mornings. Their days are spent taking rides on the river of universal wisdom, every once in a while even walking on the water.

Now, seeing clearly to step on the pedagogy and over turn the money changers tables in the temple, they make room for imitations and hold them in the light, so that the potter can bring out even their authentic purpose.

The true ineffable power and presence of life living love has made it this way. The available to all banquet is filled with the Queen’s homemade soul food which causes all to be nurtured.

The platters of spiritual dynamics, the bowls of community and tolerance and standard side dishes of honor and glory with many courses of love and devotion, cause to grow despite their obscurity.

And the radiance of forgiveness and the gifts of gratitude demystify and return their magnificence, increasing awareness and strengthening centers, clarifying purposes and transforming inner demons.

Psycho spiritual resources of mythology, dreams and storytelling days are over. The prophets have spoken and the word of compassion is the depth your soul knows.

But beware, what we resist persists. The dueling dualisms are real but reenchantment is at the spiral nebula and the impetus is in place.

Dire Straits

America has some serious problems. There isn't enough blog hyperspace to cover all of them, so I'll just scratch the surface of one. Drugs.

Prescription drugs, street drugs, emotional drugs, food for drugs, you name it. We use them and abuse them all. It's almost a rite of passage for the youth of America today. Every single child born in America WILL be exposed to all of these drugs sooner or later. Some, by their very own parents who think they're doing the right thing. Some, by their friends who know they're not.

It was no different when I was growing up. Several of my peers didn't survive a night out 'partying'. They died. Died from cocaine and heroine overdoses mostly. That scared me.

That was in the 70's and 80's. I remember the Reagan administrations 'just say no' campaign. That didn't last. Why not? What's changed since then? Well, it's gotten a lot worse. America is so focused on 'the war against terrorism' that it's left the drug war by the way side. The Bush administration has said ... wait let me think ... NOTHING on the subject.

Prescription companies and drug dealers are one in the same and have only one purpose. To sell their wares. They don't care who buys them, who takes them, who dies from them. They just don't care. The almighty dollar (which isn't worth a valium today) is superior to the lives that they're medicating. As long as they're making a profit, as long as people are sick and dying, as long as people are experimenting and becoming addicted, they know they've got a strong hold like never before. And we, as Americans, have empowered them to kill our very selves and children. When will America get scared into change?

When did Americans become so numb to life?

Of late, Anna Nicole Smith died from abusing prescription drugs that were given to her by medical professionals (and her every loving posse) to say the least. Heath Ledger will probably have suffered the same fate. Why? When will we stop self medicating? How about today? How about seeking out alternative solutions to pain and suffering? How about throwing out those scripts that you know serve only one purpose. How about saying no to your children when they ask for a pain killer that they've seen you take a million times? How about taking your addicted child to a rehab center for more than 30 days and really making sure their sobriety sticks? How about parents and children going together? Counseling. Rehab. Education. Spirituality. GOD! Where is God? (Oh yeah, we've taken God out of the equation.)

Lean on your own understanding and you will be pressed under. Get some wisdom people. Our children are dying....

Psalm 121 A song of ascents.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.