The Most Random of Days

We put so much emphasis on events in our lives, the ones coming up and the ones we've just experienced, but how often do we get excited for the sometimes mundane, here and now?  I say mundane, but I surely do not feel that way.  I say mundane, because I think most of you feel that way. Oh sure, cleaning the toilet or washing windows (if you're so privileged) may seem tedious at best and dirty at worst, it is being ever present within that task that actually transcends the task itself making it a moment worth pursuing.  Being present allows consciousness to expand beyond the imposed limitations of disdain and drudgery into the visions of Heaven.  One need only recognize these tasks have virtuous merit pouring out and over into every interaction, every connection, every moment.  Having morphed through life's many challenging experiences, I recognize that the quietest moments can be so much more powerful than the marching bands (and we all know not all marching bands are harmonious, to say the least).  Indeed, the quietest moments help us to stay grounded when the illusory marching bands come clanging by.  Remember in the Bible in the Old Testament, God was neither found in the rushing wind, nor the shaking earth, nor the fire, but in the quiet whisper that followed when things settled down a bit.

1 Kings 19: 10-13

And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

10 He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

11 The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

I am never alone in that stillness.  And, neither are you (if you believe in that sort of thing).  Belief is paramount, of course, to experiencing the presence of Almighty God and His Host of Heavenly Saints and Angels.    Stillness creates that atmosphere conducive to the ever approaching, gentle yet so powerfully mysterious Spirit of Heaven.  Faith in God allows the presence of God, and all that that brings into life.  But first, you must believe and fortunately for me, I chose to believe at quite a young age.  It is so much more a part of my life than anything else.  I say 'it' but I mean 'Spirit'.  The Spirit of God transcends everything that we do if we allow it to.  Lean into God if you want to know God.  I know after speaking to several college classes lately, that God is needed now more than ever.  

Which brings me back to the present moment (always return to the present moment) and how God transcends every single moment, every single breath, every single thought, every single deed, if we allow Her/Him to.  I am ever allowing.  I welcome the experience of God in everything that I do, and if I'm engaged with you in any way, I am welcoming the experience of God in you.  I have not only come to share but to receive.  I am more open to receiving now than I've ever been and frankly, sometimes, what I need to receive is a lot but we don't always get what we need when we need it. Transcendence truly comes in handy in moments like these.  Given eyes to see, one recognizes the moment is always so much more than we believe it to be.  We sulk when we don't get what we want. We stomp our feet like children when fear overtakes us.  We lash out in disagreement when things don't go our way.  It's moments like these that faith makes all the difference.  You will know them by their fruit and if someone bites your head off, chances are they are not truly utilizing the quiet moments of their lives to maximize Grace during the 'fight song', which they take literally.  

Acknowledge God in all your ways, and He will make your path straight.  Take a moment to thank our Almighty Creator for all that has been given freely and abundantly.  Notice the abundance around you in nature and in love.  There are typically no limitations where God is concerned, so why do we impose limitations on ourselves, and others?  Why is it okay to create turbulent atmospheres throwing peace and tranquility to the wayside like some under appreciated step-child?  When does humility and appreciation overtake us to the point that we would do anything to keep it?  We go to war in the name of peace.  What if we went to peace in the name of war?  What if we put others needs first reaching far beyond our comfort level and opening up the clenched fists?  We're just so quick to anger and at what cost?  When has anger ever put anything into our hands worth keeping?

This is not the way.

In the stillness, you become acquainted with the darkest shadow parts of yourself, and others.  In the quiet, you begin to recognize what, and who you are, and 'whose' you are, as well as others.  As Pastor Joel has said and I'm paraphrasing, 'you came through your parents' you do not belong to your parents.  So who do we belong to?  Where do we come from?  And, do we really want to dismiss those shadows hoping the light won't illuminate them one day on our sojourn back to Source (which is our life's work)?  

Surely I could never live my life that way.  Bring on the light.  Bring on the stillness.  Bring on the evaluation.  I am an open book and I live for God.  I know that you and I have shadows and I acknowledge that I am helpless to dispel them without the Grace of God.   God forbid I should think that my bad behavior is capable of saving anyone on my best day.  No.  If I have ever done any good, it is the Grace of God that has done it and rest assured, if I have done any wrong (and I have) - it was truly I who is responsible and it is I who needs to repent, and I do.  All day, every day.  I have a reset button and I hit it often, as Jim Carey has said, "I ride that sucker all day long".  

God's Grace is sufficient to illuminate my transgressions and allows me the trans-formative power to transmute them for the good.  Thank God for that!  Thank God that I will be a work in progress until the last breath I take.  Thank God that the more I learn, the less I know.  Thank God for humility and love and Grace and stillness.  Thank God for patience and forgiveness.  Thank God for tests and trials. Thank God for all of those that have transgressed against me for they have become my greatest teachers.  I am still receiving this great gift through the Grace of God.  

I would be completely lost without it on the most random of days.

Do Your Best and Keep Moving

Interesting how patience becomes something that you have an abundance of after you've personally gone through enough turmoil, trauma, recovery and reflection.  I am a patient woman, I always have been and through the refining process that is life I know that my patience has increased along with clarity.

It seems to me that we can become impatient when we limit our focus to the microcosm of what is going on around us and when our expectations overwhelm us limiting our tolerance of natural evolution, inevitable change, human unpredictability and even fate.

There are so many variables to life, so much chaos - controlled or otherwise, yet we like things organized and in nice, neat piles.  We get upset when outcomes vary or worse, fail to meet what's expected.  This causes an awful lot of unnecessary stress and turmoil and when you spend enough time in the company of people that react this way to change, or when you consciously live and experience enough of it yourself, you realize that there has to be a simple way to increase patience and clarity which would lead to a better life.

Of course, learning our lessons the first time around is preferred, but most of us don't get it on the first try.  Probably because there is usually some disconnect between our behavior and the way we see our behavior, if we're even looking or paying attention.  There is a certain amount of living consciously that one needs to do first in order to even recognize a lack of patience and clarity.  If you get that far, the ability to recognize you can change, or increase your patience immediately if you wanted to by living more consciously and being more responsible for your intolerance, wouldn't be far behind but it takes some effort.  It takes just a little introspection.  It's not mysterious at all, no mumbo-jumbo, no hockus-pockus.

Conscious living, paying attention, or living in the present moment is not a concept but a way of re-conditioning your conditioned mind.  Most of the way we do things these days tends to be on autopilot.  People are not giving much thought to what they're doing, how they're doing it or how they're affecting the world around them.  They're just going about their lives they way they always have, complaining and hoping things will change.  The good news is that clarity teaches us change is always good, always available and inevitable, so why not make the change you know will make a positive difference in your life? 

Unfortunately, change can be scary and no one really likes discomfort, let alone fear.  It's sometimes easier to hang onto the old way of doing things because at least you know what the results will be, good and bad.  You have to admit though, it's a way of sleep-walking through your life.  If there is even a small part of you that recognizes that change needs to happen and you're resisting - that's a good sign.  You're at least observing.  The doing will come later with more observation, but if you're not yet aware, you've not yet begun. 

And there's the disconnect;  we'd sometimes rather hang onto that which we know doesn't work because at least we can tolerate that tried and true, proven outcome albeit sub par.  We don't have the patience or the clarity to make the necessary changes toward an outcome that yes, may be unpredictable, but may prove to be excellent in its' return far exceeding the lowest expectation which you settled for anyway. 

How did that rut become a way of life?

How can we not reflect on our own lives hourly and see that we are not responsible for outcome, our connection to outcome and our need to control the outcome?  Let me repeat, we are not.

We are responsible for doing our absolute best. 

Doing. 

Do your best and do not worry about outcome...keep moving.  If you are doing your best, the outcome will be glorious no matter what - even if on the surface it looks unsettled.  Time has a way of bringing good works to light long after the plow has been lifted.  Don't forget, this is about patience and clarity afterall.

Conscious living, reflective and introspective living and learning to release outcome into the ether, are ways in which you will increase your patience and clarity.  Becoming more aware of who you are, how you behave, how you treat others and what unrealistic expectations you may burden yoursel,f or others with, can only better your microcosm of life, as well as the macrocosm that is the world.  When you close your heart and you close your arms across your chest and say to the world, "it's my way or the highway", you will reap what you sow.

On the other hand, if you leave your heart open and limit your expression of disappointment when the outcome isn't exactly what you had hoped for, perhaps you're making room for other magical happenings that your mind couldn't even conceive of.  The world is a magical place and when we convince ourselves that we have it all figured out we limit the influx of light, information, holiness, and glory where patience and clarity come from. 

Once you realize that you have no idea who and what you are, hopefully humility will lead you to prayer and inner reflection. 

For me it has always been prayer and meditation, meditation and prayer.  I can't deny it nor would I want to.  Stillness, prayer, recognizing that I am a ball of energy, spirit and love, I can begin again each day hoping to be a better me and touch someones life, but never devastated if that doesn't happen.   I am not attached to outcome anymore.  I can honestly say that my life has taught me that each breath is a gift, a miraculous, holy gift.  I am not promised a single one, yet I keep breathing (smiling).

And so, it is with much gratitude I say, through many tests and trials, my patience has increased as has my clarity - not only to help my own seeing and navigating, but I pray to God that my lessons learned would impart some wisdom and knowledge to the blog readers of the world, and the seekers of the Giver of divine grace, virtues, and all things inbetween.  I seek no other source.

Space for God

I'm learning.

I'm learning to breathe. I'm learning to listen. I'm learning to be the stillness inside my body. I'm learning about the chi that animates my body. I'm learning that I am not my thoughts. I'm learning to make space, the clean my space, to allow space.

The ego in our evolutionary life convinces us that we've got it all figured out. It tells us that we are important. That we are somehow bigger than anybody, everybody else. That what we do matters, what we think matters, what we feel matters. We believe that.

The Spirit says "do not lean on your own understanding. God's ways are not your ways, they are much higher."

I'm learning.

I'm learning to decipher through every bit of information that emerges in my mind telling me who I am and what I believe. I delete what I do not accept. I replace that space with nothingness.

Space for nothingness. Space for energy. Space for abundance. Space for creation. Space for gratitude. Space for healing. Space for being. Space for peace, bliss and true understanding. Space for God.

The world in conjunction with the ego tells you that you need to be better and bigger somehow, do more important things than your neighbors, be infamous. If you're not doing something in the world's eyes, you're doing nothing, you are nothing. But in reality, to be better you must go inside away from the world.

Inside you will find the energy that animates the body as mentioned. Energy that is your life force and the life force of everything in existence. You will find thought. His Holy Presence lives behind thought which is created by ego and emotion. You will also find space if you look hard enough, but sometimes space is much more elusive because it seems as if there really isn't much of it.

Don't believe me? Try listening to the space inside of you right now. Be silent for 30 seconds and see what you hear. Do you hear silence or the many things you've yet to accomplish. Do you hear silence or is your body telling you it wants something like food or rest or an aspirin. Do you hear silence or are you all consumed with your random thoughts? Silence takes practice. Harnessing your thoughts takes practice. Making space where there was none, takes practice.

Things are not, and have not been what they've seemed. Things have not been what we've been taught.

If you've not gotten a glimpse into the energy that is really you, the energy that surpasses all understanding, the energy that is limitless, the energy that is eternal, you are missing out on a great deal. You are missing out on what and who you truly are now....and who you think you will become.

I'm learning.

I'm learning that we are already what we will become. We already have what we think we cannot grasp. We already have access to all becoming.

Let me repeat that.....we are ALREADY that which we will become. The name of this blog is What I Am To Be. That is probably going to change since I believe that I am learning that I am already what I am to be. There is an awakening, but as for becoming in the Spirit realm, there is really much less becoming as opposed to being.

You are not your thoughts. Thoughts happen to you. Thoughts are most naturally independent and operate without your permission. Intention, however, is a thought or an idea that you control. Something that you want to happen, to exist, to be created. Once you separate yourself from your thoughts, space opens up for true intention, true creation. The genius behind creation itself is available to everyone in that space.

So, what I want I already have. Who I am going to be I already am. What I believe already is.

Jesus said "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you will say to that mountain 'move' and it shall be moved."

I'm learning that I already know that in my spirit, in my soul, in my being. I'm so grateful it brings me to tears.

You are what you know. You are what you believe. What are your thoughts saying to you? Are you moving any mountains today?