Friday, June 17, 2016

Love Poem

Photography and Poetry 
by Maria L. Gattuso

I need you
to know
the sun hasn't set
on my love for you

I search my days
for just a glimpse
of how you used
to feel

In my arms
on my lips
in my heart
and soul

You went there
and now I can't
find my way

Your my map and
you stole my heart

I can't just
flip the switch
you're in my
blood and water

My eyes 
see you everywhere
but near me

If I get the chance
I will take you
I will melt your heart 
back into mine

When you see you
you will see me again
we will be as one
as before

But this time 
it will last forever

Friday, February 12, 2016

Right On Time

It wasn't until I grabbed the scalding hot handle of the frying pan that my mind stopped racing.   I had been  cooking, ranting, crying, expressing great disappointment and sadness.  I put the already hot frying pan in a 400 degree oven for a few minutes to finish, promptly took it out with an oven mitt and placed it on the stove, all the while still weeping.  I turned to get some utensils and turning back to the white hot frying pan, tears streaming, heart bursting with sadness, I grabbed that handle with the grip of ten women.  In the split second it took to grab that scorching hot handle, I became present enough to accept the burn as part of the lesson.  After all, it was too late at that point, my skin had already been seared like my dinner, and now, I finally slowed down enough to get it.  I dropped the pan and allowed myself just a little more sobbing, ranting, crying and expressing great disappointment and sadness while running my hand under cold water.

That was one bitter dinner.

Maine is one of my favorite places to visit and Jimmy and I were so looking forward to this trip.  We loved to take long journeys in the RV and this was a big one for us driving from our Garden State to the furthest most point in the Eastern United States.  We were both very excited, busy with preparations, plans, discussions and details.  It was also my birthday week and I was very happy with the prospect of celebrating in Maine, on Cadillac Mountain!  We were deep in conversation crossing things off of mental lists and the next thing I know, I am falling backward looking at Jim but he's too far away to save me.  Everything slowed down and in a warped split second in time, I was on the basement floor, holding my broken wrist and I hear myself crying, "I BROKE it".  Then I hear Jim saying, "NOOOooo"!  I grabbed my wrist and began doing Reiki, speaking healing, but similar to the burn experience, presence of mind was somewhat lacking and then, I went into shock.  

Of course, this begs the question, "What the hell were you thinking"?

Jimmy and I had a nice little bit of time at the ER that night to come up with all sorts of answers.  We got to ponder it for quite the long while after that having to endure our beautiful vacation with a brick on my arm, followed by six weeks of occupational therapy once the cast came off, and healing bone glory that lasted just about a whole year, all to regain the use of what was my perfect hand just prior.  

Well, I wasn't thinking, was I?  Not clearly anyway.  

I was thinking many exciting thoughts simultaneously, and I was planning a lot of things, but I was not present.  While speaking with Jim, lost in thought, planning and talking, another part of me was reliving my teenage years remembering riding a skateboard barefoot in the street.  In my defense, I am a bit of a tomboy so, naturally, I absentmindedly stepped on the back of that skateboard that had been in my garage for a few years, brand new, never used, wrapped in plastic.  I had taken it from the garage earlier in the week in preparation of giving it to a friend with younger brothers.  I obviously did not give it away fast enough.  Stupid?  Yes.  Daring?  Absolutely.  Did I remember to step on the front of the board and not the back?  Yes, as soon as I hit that terribly hard, slate floor, my right wrist bone fractured and I could no longer use my hand.  Funny how the mind works like that.  

I became quite proficient using my left hand that Summer.  The lessons came one right after the other, I'm sure you can imagine, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair, feeding yourself, cleaning yourself, showering, all with your non dominant hand.  It became so exceptionally hard to do anything and everything that I also became quite proficient in overcoming.  

Presence of mind can be a tricky little bugger.  Sometimes we think we are so present, and we are sound asleep dreaming, remembering, worrying, fretting, angering, waring, creating so much drama in our experience, it's a wonder we can produce anything of true value in our lives.  The scale tips in both directions for me, and probably you as well.  My highs were too high, and my lows, way too low.

I am still pretty proficient at this.

Last week, I once again, burned myself in almost the same manner as I had in the past.  And, when I say past, it was a few years ago that I burned my hand, and even more since I broke my wrist.  I am wondering, what has changed?

I have the word 'joy' tattooed on my left wrist and the burn from my stove came so close to it.  It actually has two places with second degree burns, and the rest is clearly first.  The symbolism is not lost on me.  There is something inside of me that still needs to burn, transmute, change, no longer be and what ever it is, it is burning me on the inside and out.  It has the potential to steal my joy, if I allow it, if I am not careful, present, discerning.  I know I am not alone in my challenges.  I know there are many broken and distracted hearts out there in our beautiful world.  I am wondering when I will be truly whole enough to help them.  I know it all starts with me and I am putting my thoughts and energy into myself, not outside somewhere.

Without me, there is no story.  Without me, there are no victories, or losses to learn from.  Without me, there is no game and while I have suffered, I have also overcome.  While I have lamented, I have also rejoiced.  While I have cried, I have also laughed so hard, tears of joy have streamed down my cheeks onto my chest.  I have been soaked in joyful tears, as well as sorrowful ones, and I will always choose to overcome and bounce back.  

I will always choose joy.

But what if others around aren't joyful?  What if they do not choose joy?  Well, don't worry about them.  Just be the joy and they will see your radiance and be perplexed by it.  They won't understand it but they'll be drawn to it.  Just shine your light, no matter what happens and know that with each experience, each joy, each sorrow, we are growing in knowing who we are, what we are, what we want to experience and what we don't.  Don't accept the situation.  Challenge it.  Challenge yourself to be more present, to go slower and to appreciate the abundance, endless choices and possibilities life affords.  Life is really so very magical to me and despite a lot of hardship, I am such a happy person.  Deep down in my soul, I am happy and have enough to spare.  I love to make people smile, warm and happy.   I love to uplift a sorrowful heart.  I love to turn a frown upside down.  :)  Sounds trite again, but it isn't.  Your smiling face is like the rays of the sun beaming out to the world.  If you're sad, let it out.  If you're angry, let it out, get it out, but don't cook while you're doing it.  Do one thing at a time, right on time, and do it well.  You will have less scars in the end and you'll be able to enjoy your dinners and vacations a whole lot more.  

If nothing else, learn from my experience.  It is leading me to what I am to be.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

True Love Heals

There are some hurts that go way back.  Some hurts go as far back as to when we were first created.  In the realm of all possibilities, some of us were planned and waited upon with sheer delight and excitement, and frankly, some of us were accidents, mistakes, unwanted, and even burdensome.  To that end, we came in whether we were wanted or not, and we kicked and screamed settling down into our new homes, new lives and new families.

We are all so unique while sharing so much in this life experience.  All one needs to do is ask the person sitting next to them and they will tell you their version of this experience.  There have been millions of stories, plays, books, novels and epic movies and documentaries written describing the journey from embryo to elder, all very different one from another.  With all the commonalities, why all the differences?  Why all the unique experiences?  Why don’t we all just shuffle in through the conveyer belt of life, travel on down the ramp to get shot out into space and call it a day?  Why not just be enveloped by stars and comets and nebula?  Why the human interactions if we’re star beings? 

Because we are Spirit having a human experience. 

We’ve all heard that one by now, and if you haven’t, well chew on that for a mOMent, if you will.  If you cannot relate to Spirit, perhaps this is a good time to review your life experience looking for the Divine.  Perhaps you’ve not spent enough time in that domain.  Perhaps it’s just not concrete enough for the human in you.  Perhaps you are the type of human that needs stimuli to believe.

I suppose we’re all like that to some extent needing love and tenderness and caregiving from the moment we were birthed, and those of us that did not get that love, well we probably need a heck of a lot more stimuli to feel alive.  Love is the only truth that gives life.  All else is just a pale substitute that you’ll be seeking more of until you take your last breath.  You will never get enough because it was never meant to fill you.  That’s where the hurt comes in.

As infants, we get what our caretakers were given and rarely does the cycle evolve.  Stories, patterns, reasons, beliefs, myths, legends, all keep the system in place.  When something comes up that doesn’t fit, the caretakers do the only thing they know how, they ask the same source they always ask and get the same answers they have always gotten, resulting in doing the same thing they have always done.  Sometimes, when new inspirations come, as they always do, fear grips the system and the inspiration is left hanging in the wind until it is proven to be effective.  Proof is the bottom line for everyone in third dimensional living.  Seeing is believing so we’ll just do it the way we always have.  That satiates a lot of people.  When people come to expect the status quo, the status quo will always be more than enough.

But what of rebels?  What of revolutionaries?  What of out of the box thinkers?  What of star seed souls that shine light all day, every day, no matter what?  What of those that got the status quo and rejected it?  What of those that came in with their own ideas contrary to the status quo?  What happens to those?

Most adults are conditioned thinkers.  They have been molded by a system that keeps them in a very tight niche.  They are categorized by conditions; health, education, occupation, status, finance, assets, etc.  Most are quick to define even themselves describing the exact path they took to get to this exact place, and why?  Have they arrived somewhere other than where the rest of us are going?  Do they see themselves as separate, divided, in a league all their own?  It’s interesting to note that these are the same adults that bore children and taught them the same conditioned thinking.  Very few believe in magic, joy, or a Divine Omnipotent Being swirling all of this together for the good of all.  The ‘good of all’ is lost on so many because they see themselves as separate, one in the sense that they’re all alone.  They have not come to the realization that everything is being observed and unity is the only way.   Oneness is altogether different and lost of them.  Everything being connected just sounds trite and boorish.

Along with the conditioned thinking is a disproportionate amount of fear based living.  Even if you posses all the money, all the land, all the people, animals and resources in the world, your soul could very well be trapped in fear.  There are moments of happiness, but they don’t last.  There are moments of love and tenderness, but they also do not last.  They can not last when fear based thoughts are lurking in the psyche and sub-consciousness.  On the contrary, a soul that has not embraced the Divine relies on ego and self to navigate the cosmos, is a fear based navigator to say the least, and definitely not a high ranking navigator.  If there were ranks in Spirituality (and there are but they’re referred to as levels), this low ranking traveler would not be the one to follow.  The low ranking path will be one fraught with great contrast to cue up optimum travel which is based in truth, God, love, unity and a oneness that has not taken root in this soul yet.  Contrast will surely separate the wheat from the chaff allowing all souls to rise in levels of consciousness.  The eternal being has a journey to evolve in this experience from the 3D human version to the 5D and higher Spirit Being version.  Where are you in the process and what about the old hurts?  How do we get from third dimensional experience to a fifth dimensional experience?

L O V E.  Love is the way, the only way and the truth of the way of life. 

We withhold so much of ourselves for fear of being hurt, rejected, ridiculed, mocked, abused, taken advantage of…and certainly, some of our experiences have brought us to these feelings of hurt, but you do not have to stay there.  Most people do stay there though.  They have no earthly idea what to do with their hurts or insecurities.  Thank God for Spiritual Healers!  I would not still be on this planet if it weren’t for these God seeking souls.

When your soul is hurt, where do you take it?  Where have you taken your hurts and sorrows for healing?  It’s never enough to tell the story once or twice to yourself, or someone else.  The response, while compassionate, is not powerful enough to move the hurt to healing most times.  Especially, when you are confiding in someone whose soul is in worse shape than yours.  Mirror work speaks to this most directly.  You surround yourself with what you are.  If you have conflict in your life, you are conflicting.  If you have moodiness and sullenness in your life, look in the mirror.  You probably do not smile regularly at the most mundane things.  You may need a lot of stimuli just to feel something, and anything is better than nothing when it comes to the human and the need to feel. 

Human needs five senses to navigate the earth realm; sight, sound, taste, smell and touch.  Through these five senses we determine what we are seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and touching.  When one of these senses dulls, one usually becomes heighted.  If two or more senses fail, the human struggles, ultimately failing in accuracy especially if they solely rely on these senses.  Add trauma, hurt, grief, depression, or sadness to the human and the senses become extremely sensitive (and simultaneously dull) avoiding at all costs those situations that cause more harm by numbing, choosing not to see, not to hear, not to smell and not to taste that which causes discomfort even if it was meant to deliver.  The human does not fully grasp the evolution process like the soul does.  The soul knows the body was never meant to last and that its' decay began day one.  The soul knows the senses are tools and uses them proficiently to find the Divine and that which will live eternally, without suffering, confusion, disease, and dysfunction.  The soul knows this human journey is a fortuitous journey gathering alchemic experiences, hurts and all, and uses every single thing as it was meant to be used.  Nothing is cast aside.  Nothing.  Not one person.  Not one experience.

If Oneness is our anthem, our goal is congruency.

Can you even imagine a world at peace?  What would it take to get us there?  Does it come naturally to you to fold your hands in prayer and ask for directions?  Does it come naturally to you to ask for forgiveness for deliberately hurting someone you love because you needed to feel something that day?  Does it come naturally to you to bow your head to a Creator that is far beyond your comprehension?  Does it come naturally to you to know that your mind is limited in its capacity to think and know?  Or, does your ego laugh at those notions convincing you that it has it all figured out?  Does your ego tell you that it has everything it will ever need?  Does your ego tell tales of past victories won despite the carnage?  How many of us would need to open our hands extending our dirty little palms to the Divine for eternal cleanliness?  How many of us would need to release our tightened, bloodied fists, ask for forgiveness and let down our guard?  How many of us would need to destroy our weapons and artillery?  How many would still want to wear their armor and keep some guns just in case?  That is third dimensional thinking, breathing and fearfully living, and it has run its course. 

Too many rivers run red with the blood of the innocent, mine included.  I’ve shed enough tears to fill an ocean for the innocent, for myself, for all the souls starving for true belonging.  I have never found this on this planet in human form, only in Spirit.  Not yet anyway. 

I have a few very powerful and beautiful souls here, and we all have one thing in common, we love unconditionally, like we’ve never been hurt, and we’ve all been hurt so very, very deeply.

That’s fifth dimensional thinking, breathing and fearless living, and it has only just begun.

When was the last time you forgave someone without them having to ask for forgiveness by saying ‘I’m sorry’?  When was the last time you gave someone your last dollar knowing that you will always be provided for?  When was the last time you gave someone something that they desperately needed without judgement?  When was the last time you spoke to the pain in your body lovingly, asking it why it's there, and what you need to learn from it?  When was the last time you looked in the mirror and appreciated every line, wrinkle, freckle, blemish, or beauty mark?

Do you love yourself and others unconditionally?  Or, do the conditions have to be just right?  3D says the conditions have to be just right.  5D says there are no conditions. 

3D says "Me first"!

5D says "You first".  

I have just typed over 2200 words describing to you the most recent understanding of the state of MY being.  I am choosing this higher, unconditional loving vibration, no matter what.  To that end, I choose to be a very happy, loving, trusting, hopeful, dynamic, God fearing child of the Most High God.  I choose to believe in light, unconditional love, magic, Spirit, Holy Alchemy and a world that is mostly unseen.  I choose to believe in Divine Guidance, Divine Love, Divine Connection and Divine Communication.  I choose to believe in kindness and gentleness.  I choose to believe in a higher family structure where no one is ever hurt, cast out, judged, criticized, mocked, ridiculed, hushed, abandoned, or abused.  I choose to believe in a culture where gifts are shared, valued, encouraged and cultured.  I choose to believe there is room enough and plenty enough for everyone.  There is enough sunlight, moonlight and God light for all to shine, not just a few.  I choose to believe in healing and spiritual health.  I choose the glow from within that even the sun envies.

I also choose to believe in the spiritual heart of the human that is sometimes like a rain filled cloud, electrified in suffering.  It pounds in defiance.  It pounds in pain.  It pounds itself apart in currents just to feel the relief of expansion.  I will always choose to heal and soothe that heart.

All of these elements work together for the good.  One is useless without the other.  We are useless without one another.  We could no sooner learn the meaning of love without one another as we could walk without bones.  Try it.  Try loving without your heart.  Try walking without your bones.  Try having a meaningful life without all of the rest of us.  Sure, you’ll have your preferences, but that’s conditioned love and that’s like having no love at all.

Look around you.  Is your life filled with love?  When people talk about you, do they equate your existence with immense love and compassion, understanding and generosity?  If not, it’s not too late.  You are an evolutionary being and even when you’ve said ‘I’ve had enough’, you are graced with yet another day surely to expand God’s glory and not your fear, but you choose.  Every single second of every single day of your life you choose.  Choose life.  Choose love.  And, then, give it all away. 

When the human’s experience is over, the Soul will surely testify.  What power will your Soul have accumulated?  What will be in your Spiritual Escrow?

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Truth to the Soul of the Soul

Anger is to an erupting volcano as comfort is to a freshly made bed just waiting for the weight of your body after a long, hard day at work.  Anger is a storehouse of energy scattering out in all different directions at once.  It is unpredictable, unrelenting and unabashed.  There are almost no rules and pity reigns supreme for anyone who dares to defy it.  Even when our highest self, with clarity and foresight, speaks lightning fast wisdom, it too can get caught up in the fire storm being challenged by the heat.  Anger, very much like volcanic fire, is indiscriminate.  It is eager and quite content to go from this to that once sparks start to fly.   Beginning as a molten hot spark of discontent, its' greatness comes after time spent isolated and nurtured in careful contemplation, even meditation, ultimately to stoke and gain combustibility powers.  Ultimately anything that is in contrast to anger, everything and anything will be consumed.  It erupts, and long after the embers have cooled, it retains its' memory and is still very inflamed.

Most people say they have never meditated before but concentrating with focused precision on one thing repeatedly for an extended period of time is surely a form of meditation (and attachment), and since thoughts are energy, eventually thoughts will produce.  That thought will multiply.  Anger energy when allowed will expand and grow into other abilities and dark force powers.  It becomes a magnet to them.  Pride is one level up from anger believe it or not.   Desire and fear are lower and are never far behind.  Grief, apathy, guilt and shame are all closely related and lower vibrations still.  A cup of anger mixed with guilt and shame is a toxic elixir indeed.

But, why so much anger in our society, in our culture, in our world?  Why have we allowed ourselves to display this behavior, not only to others but to our own children and family?  Our own children reflect our behaviors back to us and we shake our heads trying to figure out why they behave that way.  We are all in such denial but thank God for families and closeness.  Contrast surely shows up in close quarters to help strengthen bonds.  When we focus on the lower energies, we may tend to judge one another and opt out of the relationship thinking less is more, but anger in one family translates to a lot of different types of manifestations, both passive and aggressive.   Avoidance is a tactic the ego uses to keep a lower energy in tact.  Look closely.  Perhaps this is your situation.  If so, surround yourself with light and know that the answers are right in front of you (in this blog :) and also within). 

Anger is a fire that today, our society stokes, media counts on, world government fuels, entertainment glorifies, correctional institutions ignore, and individuals justify.  This does not have to be.

On a national scale, there has been so much bombardment of the numbing agenda against the American people, we barely fight back anymore with authority, we just fight with each other.  When anger becomes a resource of power for influential avenues to manipulate, it becomes clear that the powers that be are counting on anger playing a major role in their contriving and self serving designs.  Anger keeps the politicians paid, ratings up, jails full, wars endless, weapons sold out, street and pharma drugs feeding soul crushing addictions, the hungry unfed, the homeless homeless, the poor poor, and the worst part is the rich richer.  

But, let’s not judge the anger community and it’s many partners.  That defeats the whole purpose of looking deeply into it.  There is light at the end of the anger tunnel.  You just have to keep digging beyond the illusion.

If anger were to enter into this discussion at this point it would no doubt be angry about everything we are looking into.  It would brood and fester and act out showing its contempt through various means potentially even physical violence.  The fear that anger demonstrates would become all to obvious.  If you could slow down and witness the anger energy objectively with compassion, you may see something you’ve never seen before.  If unable to slow down, the anger in you may resonate, rise up and match it.  You’ve seen it all before.  If you have any doubts just watch the old, antiquated ‘news’.  They seemingly keep unbiased track of who is on what side, how many wars have been fought, how many targets were hit, how much money was made, and who’s side you should be on.  They keep track of the anger tally always from the perspective of them, not us, and you just need to know who signs their checks to know why.  It is anything but unbiased, they know it, but do we?  And what of all this talk about anger and what if the angry person is you?

What is the foundation of our anger in the first place?  

Desire and disappointments that you've experienced are in the forefront of your mind and you hear yourself say to others, “You just don’t understand.”, 'You’ve never gone through it, so you don’t know."  You continue to allow the perfectly landscaped hedge of isolation to get stronger so your anger can fully mature into a reliable yet sometimes unpredictable and combustible firestorm.  Even when others suggest calmness or forgiveness as a quelling solution, the anger speaks up defiantly because forgiveness, while being a higher vibrating virtue, is perceived as weakness and since ego is in charge, it rarely chooses the path of least resistance.   It can not see past the illusion it has created for itself, “What could possibly be more important beyond me and how wronged I feel?”. 

As for calmness and forgiveness, the anger energy is just too big at this stage to tick down, but, and here's the beauty, it is absolutely doable, transmutable, healable, sealable.  It's true.  Just start with calm observation, breathing, slowing down, removing yourself when necessary to catch your power breath back.  If you are aware of your anger and you've begun to dismantle it, forgiveness will surely arrive as a fork in the road up ahead.  This is karmic, cosmic and circular as far as life lessons, choices and synchronicity's are concerned.  What goes around, comes back around so know you will get another chance, many chances in fact if you do not get it.  If you are truly unaware of your anger, don't worry.  Your highest self knows and will be bringing it up to your attention when you least expect it, like a solar flare, blistering hot.

Keep in mind, when anger energy hits a high note it has all of your irrational power.  It has the potential to take you out, to make you sick, to hurt others, to act in ways that are never in your best interest, and it is ugly.  If allowed to grow, you may find yourself on the other side of a nasty outburst that could have been prevented, should have been prevented, and will be prevented once you know how.

That’s where the heart and love comes in.  Yes, love.  

Sadly to some, love is cliche which just goes to show you the level of discontent that exists in some of us.  Ultimately, the hearts real job is to lovingly convince the mind that it’s okay to let go of the old stories and replace them with new, higher vibrating ones.  Only love can do that.  Only love can soothe the soul and smooth the ruffled feathers of ego and pride.  Only love can forgive trespasses.  Only a heart full of love for self first can give this gift.  The love in your heart wants to grow just like anger does.  We are used to allowing anger to grow, and we are used to displays of anger in all forms.  But, when it comes to love, unconditional love, we resist because we just don't know how, or why, we should love ourselves, give unconditionally, or accept love from others.  

How did this happen and are we teaching this to our children?

For me, my inner child ran the show for many, many years.  She was hurt and disappointed and immature.  She only knew a few ways to express herself and acting out was definitely one of them.  She, (I), shut down my heart years ago and allowed all the lower vibrating energies to take over, including anger.  I was proficient at all of them and truth be told, that knowing does not diminish with enlightenment, but it enabled me to transmute the anger into an energy that is sustainable, manageable and useable.  I chose to allow the anger to leave, and I chose to invite peace to take its place, and boy is it a journey of choice, calmness and forgiveness.  

When I realized how much pain I was in, how angry I was, and how disappointment was crippling me, I decided to stop in my tracks and take human, mental, emotional and spiritual stock of my states of being.  I realized that I am the creator of my life and I needed to see the complete design in my doing and creating, inventory was crucial.  I decided that I was worth the trek and the investment in uncoiling my inner child’s heart.  That led to the connection to my soul and highest self.  

Left to her own devices, my inner child was hell bent on making sure everyone knew the ‘in chains and bound’ stories that were collecting.  The accumulation of wrongs were unconsciously indexed, categorized, and all available in the library of remembrance.  Reality, after all, must be faced!  That's what most people think but that's just not the way it is.  Reality is created.  It's what you make of it.  Had I stayed in that state of despair, surely I would not be writing this blog or dreaming dreams of writing books and helping the masses.  I'd be keeping an altogether different log.

Luckily, my higher self had a better story.  My ever patient, ever teaching highest self, lovingly shined light on the inflection in my own voice, so much so that when I would hear my own stories, they just weren't as satisfying as they used to be.  I could hear my own bitterness.  I started to see the pain.  I asked to be healed and immediately the healing process began. 

Healing happens in layers as much as all at once.  The all at once part is typically a thought or feeling that usually starts a shimmering cascade of upward glimpses that lead to ultimate bliss and joy of the soul, but it is indeed a stepping stone journey that begins with complete and utter self awareness.  Truth, to the soul of the soul.  You must be honest and if you have trouble with that, sit alone in meditation.  Being alone and meditating raises your consciousness to a higher level which illuminates that which no longer serves you.  Meditation shines on all those things that stand in the way of true inner peace, be it people, places, behaviors, patterns, beliefs, associations, objects, addictions, etc.  Once you see your obstacles, you can start to create a plan of navigation using everything you experience, keeping the good and truly learning from it, applying what you've learned, and recycling and sharing your wisdom.  Nothing is cast out as useless, as refuse.  All is used for the good of all.   

That being said, be aware that whoever you yoke up with in this state may just be the same reflection of your original condition and not the step up that you were hoping for.    When it hurts too much to grow, we take ourselves out of the growing fields and place ourselves in the mourning fields with likeminded others where growth is much, much slower and can even be seen as stifled.   This growth typically produces dis-ease and illness in the body just as stagnant waters are unhealthy to drink, this state of being is unhealthy to true productivity.   But when hurt is planted in the truth fields, much fruit is harvested, much growth is had, and much change for the better is promised.  The future holds many flowering fields for healing hearts to flourish in truth.

So, bring your story into the light and tell your truth one last time.  Allow the light to cascade in and all around you, your hurt, your disappointment, your fragile heart.  Forgive again, yourself, others, people, places, things.  Forgive, ceremoniously, that which holds you back.  I assure you, if you are brave enough to look, you will see things that you can begin to forgive and release and then, you will see more, and as you gain strength, you will gain momentum.  You will say, "Anger and greed, NO MORE!"  

And, as you allow the new condition of your mind to take hold, it will compassionately and lovingly alert you to lower vibrations that challenge your peace.  Do not take the bait.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.  This is where you slow down and say, "No thank you, I appreciate the offer, but been there, done that.  I protect my peace now.  I am the peace now."

When we raise our spiritual and emotional currencies, and the peace in our minds matches the peace in our hearts, we will know strongly that this is just too valuable to waste on disappointment or anger.  It feels so much better and just feels so right to go with the flow.  We learn to let go of resistance and invite love and compassion in for ourselves and others, no matter what the situation.  We know that there are lessons here for all to rise up.  There is always so much more going on than meets the eye and at this stage, anger energy will be transmuted and utilized in the way that it was meant to be.  Energy to teach peace, love and tolerance.  Energy to be used to raise everyone up to a higher level of consciousness and community.  Energy to help those that cannot help themselves.  Energy to help the weak and the lost especially ourselves.  Energy to show the way to true justice and peace through the love, compassion and understanding of true human kindness.  It's time.

Keep searching.  Keep creating and reaching for the golden rays of peace, beauty and love, and don't be so hard on yourself.  We are all here to rise up together and learn together, what is important.  Peace, Love, Unity, Tolerance, Oneness, Kindness, Joy, Compassion, and Understanding....These are just some of the sustainable energies of the future.  These are just some.  Love yourself first.

Namaste, ~*~

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Archive To Magic

So here you are stuck in your complacency, your guilt, your shame and you have absolutely no idea how you got here, or how to move yourself beyond this point. Your daily life consists of shaming yourself repeatedly and punishing yourself, consciously and unconsciously, deliberately, on time, like clockwork.  You feel lousy but deep down, you really want to feel better.  You do know one thing for sure, and you keep telling everyone that one thing, EVERYONE, over and over and over, and therein lies your freedom.  Did you see it?  Did you miss it?

What story are you telling?

The past leaves us with energetic impressions, feelings and emotions, all sorts of information, all sorts of stories that connect the past to the present in a very real and potentially harmful way, if perceived negatively.  What we chose to do with these stories is paramount to peace of mind, openness of heart, and health of body and Spirit (who is quietly directing the whole show).  That's on an individual level, but keep in mind individually we make up the global community, the global consciousness.  There is a much bigger picture here.  Individually, we effect the whole as much, or more, as the single human we perceive ourselves to be.

Thankfully, the Spirit wants what the Spirit wants, and what the Spirit wants is for you to be able to see yourself the way you really are, at this time, in all of your glory.

We are all works in progress but some of us are in such denial about our lives.  Everyone else can see what we cannot, will not, and chose not to.  In a flash, a reflection of light is shining on a very uncomfortable place inside, and the light gets blamed.  It's easier to point our fingers and blame instead of allowing the light to fall all around us, instead of standing (or kneeling) in the light and admitting we need help, that we don't have it all figured out, that we're far from perfect and we missed the mark.  We've all made  mistakes, we've lied, we've cheated, we've gone beyond the promised boundaries of civilized living, worse than that - some of us are in terrible pain, petrified, paralyzed, depressed, sick and getting sicker.  Dis-ease is forming.

That is a level of play that I know all too well, have traversed and I am now able to transmute.  You can transmute yours too.  You can choose to feel much better but first you need to believe you deserve it, you are forgivable, you are lovable, and that the best of your life hasn't even happened yet.  That is a shift in consciousness that comes from self love and value, and in my case, it took some time to grow.

I am from the streets of Jersey City from two pretty cool, pretty tough parents at a time when our world was shifting in civil consciousness.  I was born a year before JFK would be assassinated and five years before MLK and Bobby Kennedy Jr.,  would also be assassinated.  There were many wars being fought when I came in, breach with one leg shorter than the other.  Oh, I came in screaming, demanding attention, and showing the world my ass because I knew everything was upside down.

By the end, the 60's had become the decade of peace and love but you'd never have known it.  Here we are in 2016, and peace and love is surely my mantra and I believe it is quite evident in the life I live, the stories I tell and the energy I emit.  I have seen the turmoil and I choose love.  

What we wrestle with is not outside of us.  It is inside of us in our archive, in our stories, in our emotions, in our feelings, and in our actions.  It's all inside acting out on the stage of life.  We are the stars.  We are the leads, the entire cast, the orchestra, the set and props, wardrobe and makeup, the lights and the shadow, we are even the audience.  We bear witness to all things.

What is your testimony?

How will you describe the life you've been given when you are asked to give your account?

Do you believe that your account will be accurate?  Will your account reflect the truth?

When you wake up in the morning, do you grab your script, put on your costume and begin the scene  right from where you left off the night before?  Do you play a part in life, instead of living life.  If so, the part you play is small in that you only allow yourself to shine through partially and the parts you allow are not your best.  As a matter of fact, there are even more lower parts of you that are kept at bay and when the lights fade, and the stage darkens, those other energies usually like to come out.  They also like to ad lib in your perfectly scripted performance.  Some things when left to their own devices become too strong for us to manage, or ignore.

You finish your scene at the end of the day, go back to sleep resting up to repeat your performance tomorrow but there has been some editing because the energy is growing.  There are new scenes added that you are not aware of.  Tomorrow, all of those energies that you've pretended do not exist, they get to perform without your consent.  You will be tested and challenged to manage that which you have ignored.

The time has come.  Take control.  Admit your weaknesses and use your strengths to overcome.  This is not a joke, but it is a playable game and it has rules.  If you slow down enough, read and reread the signposts, you will see that peace and love are the main components to a happy life.  Search for these two things in your life and your stories will be sweeter, there will be many more happy endings.

The truth is there are trillions of storylines; yours, mine and ours.  But they are just stories.  They are pliable in that there are no real scripts (only those that are self imposed), and along with an illusion of entrapment in many of the the storylines we play out, there is no trap.  We can choose a different outcome even if the story has a real physical ending, like death, that leaves us raw, confused, grieving, hurting and often times so depressed.  The healing process surely will take us to the other side where gratitude, peace and love are just waiting to expand our hearts.  It's always a process of choosing to heal and doing the work.  Otherwise, we arrive somewhere, somehow, unbeknownst to us and then the real work begins, trying to find our way back from an even more hurtful place.

We are choosing all of this.

Look again with love this time.

There is a clearing out of the archives that is necessary for all of us to truly operate at a level of sheer, creative magic.  I get it now.  I didn't for a really long time.  When I was younger, I was completely tapped in, and then at twelve years old, human circumstances caused me to pinch off the best of myself, my creativity, my trust and my imagination.  I lived the majority of my life in at state of treading water.  I was in so much pain and denial and everyone knew it but me.  If you are also, everyone knows it but you.  We are the only ones that do not consciously.  We do know subconsciously though.  We know in our hearts.  Our pillows hold the salty tears of knowing.  God knows.  And, now it's time to look deeply into the eyes reflecting back in the mirror.  Gaze with love.  Gaze with forgiveness.  Gaze with compassion.

Give yourself a magical, blank slate in the morning.  Start with gratitude and a prayer, a blessing.  Ask God to give you clarity, compassion and strength to be authentic, full of integrity, humility and truth.  Ask God to show you why you are really here, to show you what you really are.  Ask your Highest Self to come closer.  Ask your heart to love again, and to forgive.  Imagine yourself living your best life, smiling, happy, surrounded by love and unity.  Soothe any contrary voice, emotion or feeling going back to the source and filling it with love.  Eventually it too will speak of only peace and love knowing this is the soul's journey.  Peace and love are surely the way.  Choose to be loving to yourself and peace will follow you all the days of your life.

I pray you see love and peace everywhere and in everything  I love you.  Namaste.