Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The 'I'm Taking America Back' Challenge

We have traversed this path many, many times and each time we pass, the Universe is hopeful that we will be travelling lighter, each and every time.  Fall has come once again and it seems, almost a little too quickly for us northern New Jersians, who just endured one of the toughest Winters we can recall.  But, we made it nonetheless, and with the seasonal changes come the consumerism nightmares.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for fun and laughter, warmth and gift giving, but we, here in the Western world, have taken this to a whole 'nother level and it's really quite despicable.  Even the terrorists wait for us to fill the malls and stores so they can take as many of us out as possible, but we keep showing up, year after year, no matter what.

This country is in dire straits.  Our soldiers are fighting so many unknown, unfamiliar, unnamed and named enemies and they're losing their lives.  They fight for our freedom, so, what?  So we can continue in funding the corruption that is in charge?

Most Americans are aware of what's happening.  Most Americans are horrified by what has happened to our beautiful country.  However, most Americans are still acting as if nothing is happening.  They are still buying more than they need, throwing away what should be recycled, taking medicines and vaccines that kill, eating poisonous food EVERYDAY, polluting, and turning a blind eye, which makes it that much harder for the rest of us.

I just came back from grocery shopping and while I understand organic, or farm fresh food, is more expensive than mainstream food, is it that difficult to see what long term usage of these tainted GMO products will lead to?  Haven't we all seen enough of the pharmaceutical business solutions to our health concerns?   I mean, seriously....is anyone paying attention?

I am a cancer survivor.  After having gone through a few weeks of radiation and hearing that a 'nutritionist' was coming to visit with me, I was excited, thinking I was going to get an inside track on what NOT to eat.  That was laughable as her job was to just make sure I was still eating status quo.  Makes sense, doesn't it?

As long as you continue to buy, buy, buy - change will not happen.

When my grandparents ruled the world, we had a much simpler life.  Gifts were simpler.  Food was simpler.  Government was simpler.  World domination and exploitation, while it existed, was not as healthy as the fatted calf America has become.  Oh, we are ripe for the slaughter.  We are passive, we are unhealthy, and some, if not most of us are not even conscious yet.

Haven't we suffered enough as a country.  Haven't we been attacked and lost enough?  How many more of our children need to suffer?  How many more?

How will you address these issues this HOLIDAY season?  Will you continue to fund the blind eye of corruption?  Will you teach your children to do the same?

I am a child of the 60's and 70's and I miss the days when Americans marched on Washington.  I miss the days when the megaphone blared on the corner with a wholesome alternative message.  I miss the days of freedom of speech, and freedom of religion.  I miss freedom period.  We are selling our souls to the devil in the name of big corporation, con agra, big pharma, big consumerism - and where would they be without us?

Indeed.  Where would they be without you?  Perhaps this year we need to send a very loud message to our government, our congress, our President, our enemies.  Perhaps America needs to get a back bone, stand up in our local communities and fight back and let Monsanto and all of these other corrupt, blood sucking, dark shadow forces know that we will not take this lying down.  I, personally, will fight for this country through my words, deeds, testimonies, and overall life long philosophy, which is love one another, do no harm, help one another, edify one another, lift others up, put others first, feed the world, pray for the world, forgive the world.

I wonder if this season will be any different.  I wonder if the American people will continue to fund what will ultimately be our demise.  If we continue on this path and look back and ask, 'how did this happen', I will be right there to tell them they chose to close their eyes on the big picture and deceive themselves into thinking their backyards were the only ones that were important.  America, wake up!  Our backyards are all attached.  We are all connected.  We are all in this together and we have the power to change everything.  We have the power to take back our country.  Just think how one million people, who decided not to spend their hard earned money this year on the latest and greatest bs gadgets, could effect the economy if they took that money and put it into a fund for resolution, not a bank mind you, but a mutual fund.  The mutual fund would be for the future of America.  Keep your money under your mattress.  Do not put it into the Federal Reserve.  Do not take out any more loans.  Do not apply for any more credit.  The system is overloaded and being cloaked in deception anyway.  We are only making them fatter and more aggressive toward us.  It's time to take our country back and it starts today.

I challenge you to do things simpler this year.  Buy less.  Do not be the one who doesn't care how it's made, what creature had to die in order for you to be warm in it, how much it costs 'cause you got it like that.  Believe me, money and power corrupt completely.  Just look around.  We have no one to blame except ourselves.  Take the 'I'm taking America back' challenge and put your money in your pocket.  Just watch and see what happens.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Believe In What You Want To See

Seeing isn't always pretty.  Seeing is sometimes the hardest thing to do when your heart is wide open.  You don't want to see everything there is to see but because of your awakening, you must.  Perception is a counter balance, of course, but even in the balance the truth of what you see, witness, get close enough to be burned by, can be alarming.  If I didn't have a spiritual life, faith, and a daily disciple of meditation, prayer and exercise, I might become overwhelmed.

Does anyone out there feel this way?

These are amazingly transformative times.  You are either aware and going with this new energy, or you are unaware, perhaps still self absorbed by the ego and believing in the old status quo, the old paradigm.  If you are the former, bravo, you've found your path, keep going.  If you are the latter, there is still plenty of time to get onboard and change your life for the better, raise your vibration, and create more peace on the planet.

The fundamental questions remain, "What is your life really all about"?  "Why are you here"?  "What is your true purpose"?  Perhaps you've already answered these questions sufficiently in your life and you are pursuing all of your dreams with passion and determination.  Perhaps you've had a spiritual encounter or awakening that catapulted you to the next 'spiritual level' and you are now reaping a harvest and gathering the fruit thereof.  Perhaps you've only just started to question your purpose and you haven't got a clue.  Perhaps you really don't care and just want to play video games.  Welcome to the club.  We're all in this mix somewhere.  We've all been on one overlapping path after the other.  This is the human learning experience and one of the keys to a good learning experience is to be asking the questions.  There are no wrong questions.  Just keep asking them of yourself, of each other, of Spirit, of Almighty God.  The answers most definitely come to the heart that is searching.  Test the answers.  Listen carefully and make sure you're not spinning the answer to keep you exactly where you are.  Accept the truth and know that sometimes (most times) it's not what you think.   Keep the faith and keep tapping into the quest for more knowledge.  You, just like me, will not be disappointed.  A true and pure heart searching for the truth will surely not search in vain.  You will, indeed, find more and see more than you could ever have imagined.

Yes seeing is great especially in a world seemingly so blind to the damage that it does.  The opposite of that is also true.  The way this paradigm is set up, it is completely blind to the good that the world does even more.  We have a skewed perception due to the media and the information we absorb when in fact, if we tapped into the spiritual perspective, we would see things very differently.  There is good in the world, quite a lot of it.  And rest assured, someone is keeping track.  The world and the way it exists should tell us that history can be read through many, many divine and natural sources.  The truth will always be revealed and you will know the truth when you see it.

So now that you're asking the questions and receiving answers through life experience, repeated lessons, prayer, and meditation, what do we do with all that we see?

Pray.  Pray for the world to be peaceful.  Pray for the hungry to be fed.  Pray for the blind to see.    Pray for the weak to be strengthened.  Pray for the lonely to be comforted.  Pray for the sick to be healed.  Pray for the wicked to be enlightened.  Pray for our enemies.  Pray for the suffereing that the Holy Spirit would minister to them.  Pray until you fall asleep from exhaustion and when you arise, pray some more.

If you can see what I can see, the world needs healers, prayer warriors, and spiritual leaders willing to pray the human race into the most amazing revolution the world has ever seen.  Love will change the world.  Love will heal the world.  Love will cover a multitude ... and let's stop and look at that for a minute.  I emphasize that a record is being kept....and the Scripture I'm quoting above - love COVERS a multitude of sins.  Why would it need to be covered if in our sinful nature we purposely covered it?  Who can see it?  Who can see the wrong things we do in the shadow?  ~*~

There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed.  There are no tears that will not be wiped away or any heartache that will not be mended.  These healings are happening, in the here and now.  You need not wait.  If you want to see clearly, seek clarity.  If you want to see with eyes of compassion, seek compassion.  If you want to see the love of humanity, seek the source of all love, the Spirit of Love itself.  You will not be disappointed when, with practice, your seeing eyes and your perception will reach a most effective level.

Pray for what you see, hope for what you cannot.

Monday, July 28, 2014


It's been a great, little while since I've written, but I've been really well.  I hope this finds you well also and I hope you enjoy the video I posted.  I just stumbled upon it (HA - as if), and it just so eloquently delivers a mirror into my soul.  I need to move to Hawaii.  Don't be surprised if I do.  I've been to Kauai and I'm just yearning to go back, more than ever.  This just kind of clinched it for me.  Reiki is pretty popular there (everywhere) and if I could find a job there - poof.  Watch me.

Well, why not?  I've got nothing to lose and I really have the limitless sky holding me back.  And, if you're going to start over, why not in paradise?  Oh no, it really is.  Turtles, whales, beaches, rain forests, hawaiian culture and love.  It's America, only paradise.  It's on my list - and as they say, be careful because your worst nightmare comes true in the end...that's why, my worst nightmare is retiring somewhere on one of the islands of Hawaii.  Why not?  After this past Winter...

Some seasons are colder than others and spiritually speaking, the Winter of my soul is over.  This I know.  I am heading for warmer seasons.  I feel it.  Either way, I'm finding grace to be the order of the day and complete trust.  Well, the other way around really.  First, I completely trust and then the grace of God meets me and lifts up my heavy chin toward bluer skies.  Truer skies.  I'm liberated.  I don't have to work at it.  Effortless and easy becomes the awakening.  And, what a great peace and deep knowing in "all is well", and "all is as it should be".  I just keep showing up, meditating, praying, and setting healing intentions and know I am venturing into the manifestation territory of my future and dreams.  I know I am stepping into that which God has carved out for me.  I've heard that in my spirit many times.  I know that the more I listen and the more I yield, the more God will lead.  That really becomes the effortless and easy part.

I gave a Reiki lecture recently to some beautiful students of Bergen Community College, and I've been practicing Reiki regularly.  I also aquired my Akashic Record Certification at a long weekend workshop.  I've come a long way - or should I say, Spirit has led me a long way.  Yes.  Yes, that's what I will say. 

Glory to the Most High God, who lives and reigns and has Her being in me.  I'm so looking forward again.  It's been a while since I've really felt the lightness and hope of that sentiment.  I deserve it.  Just me, just the way I am.  I AM. 

love love love

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Life Springs Forth

While Spring may be 24 hours away, I can feel the seeds of newness, joy and miraculous possibilities springing forth inside of me. I no longer feel that blanket of doubt and fear. I believe I have truly come out the other side.

My beloved Cricket is amongst the stardust as I type. My two favorite guys in the whole world (truth be told there are a few more favs) are on the glorious mend and I am happy, delighted, relieved and not surprised, that I am cancer free.

This moment is full of potential and life and while life may still be challenging, and who doesn't love a good challenge, I am completely up for it. I feel like a newborn looking out of new eyes for the first time and all that I see is glorious. I can't quite explain it yet. There is something more going on inside. I am not who I used to be and I think I am heading for some major changes that will propel me into the being I have been sculpted to be. There are no coincidences. There is a master plan and I feel that I have just stepped into the magical steps that are my life.

All is well and as it should be. It always has been, but there is a certain clarity, fearlessness, appreciation, and love that I am only just now beginning to realize. These have always been inside of me but life acts as the watering can to induce growth in stagnant places. Once you turn toward the light, the light springs forth and waters, nurtures and more than grows. There is some serious growing going on....just in time for Spring.

I am truly grateful and happy to be alive. I know I have work to do, souls to heal, people to teach. Thanks be to God for I am truly on the path to fulfilling my life's purpose.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Trying Times

As I type this, I am sitting vigil with my beloved cancer stricken feline companion of over 13 years, Cricket, a.k.a., Cricksley Wicksley, Wicket, Wick. Cricket has been the most vocal, most anti-social, most fierce, love and attention starved being I've ever rescued. From the day I rescued her, I noticed that she was quite needy and traumatized from wherever and whatever. I rescued her from the local animal shelter, along with her sister Rosie, and now here we are. We have done all we can do for her medically and the vet gave her only a couple of days, so now, it's just a matter of time. I have been giving her Reiki, intentionally of course, and it's just flowing all the time now. Just thinking about her starts my hands up. I've learned alot about healing from her in the past couple of years. I am happy to say she's resting comfortably right now, having eaten and taken water, so there's still quite a lot of fight in her. She even managed to sit in the sun today - the thing she loves more than life itself. I honor her. I love her and I am so very grateful for her loyal companionship. I hope that I have been everything she's ever needed and I truly hope that I am and will be all she needs now. This is just the craziest week for this kind of thing. Tomorrow, I go for my yearly mammography. That deserves a line all by itself doesn't it? Dare I say that I have tremendous faith that I am cancer free? I feel well despite the radiation pneumonitis that I had 11 months ago. Truth be told, I feel really great. I mean, I am a fright to see right now with puffy eyes and a broken heart, but I'm optimistic about my health. Stay tuned. I will definitely update this blog. Now, the only things left on the agenda are two of my most favorite people in the whole world having major surgeries this week. Two very dominant males in my life are going for surgery one day apart. I have been sitting vigil with Cricket for the last 24 hours...I think this is going to be a week and half for me. I promised myself I won't cry anymore today. I know with everything going on emotion is to be expected and I allow myself all the crying time I need until it's time to move on. Crying is a huge release of energy, and a cleansing as well. Then, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. I am doing just that. It's just that right now, this week, last week...tremendous pressure. It's good to blog about such things, processes and challenges, but most of all solutions, coping skills. Prayer, meditation, gratitude, consciousness...all tools in the coping skill bag of tricks. I know that both of my guys are going to be fine. God is looking after all of us. We put our faith in him. He makes our crooked ways straight, He heals our wounds, He guides our steps. God bless you Frankie and Jimmy. I love you with all of my heart. I couldn't ask for better friends and you couldn't ask for a better prayer warrior. God speed to all my beloved, no matter what they're facing. May the Hand of God protect them and heal them. I hope that when I look back and read these, or when you read these blogs, that you (we) learn something about human nature, human spirituality, divinity, prayer, belief, grace....cause this is the real deal. This is what life is all about. The yin and the yang. Finding the Face of God in everything. I am indeed learning to find the Face of God in everyone and everything. Everything. That's a lot of stuff. That's all the stuff.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

It's a Beautiful Day

When you wake up in the morning, I hope you realize that your life is starting all over again. With every awakening you are that much closer but you are also getting a mulligan. You are getting a chance to do it all over again, better, wiser, stronger and more confidently than the day before. Hopefully you are keeping notes and remembering and forgetting all at the same time. Hopefully you are not judging tomorrow because of yesterday. Hopefully you are living in today and not tomorrow. Hopefully you are present breathing in the here and now of it all, and when you close your eyes to sleep and rest, you do just that. You rest and renew and restore so that in the brand new shinyness of the morning you too can shine. That's what mornings are for. That's who mornings are for.

Have you ever noticed that most mornings start off with a huge bang? Sure they're mostly quiet and serene except for that explosive ball of firey, eye-blinding light in the sky. It is far from quiet and serene yet we gain a sense of calm from it. On the contrary, our sun is pure fire burning, endlessly flaring and exploding, forever cascading heat and warmth, growth, light, and yet a constant miraculous, mysterious comfort. What should we make of this? Well, we should probably at the least be 'all in' when we wake up in the morning. Pay attention tomorrow when you wake up. Are you replaying what happened last night, yesterday, last week, or heaven forbid, last year? Are you waking up replaying all your failures and failed efforts only to feel defeated before your feet even touch the floor? Is your all consuming fire full of the desire to warm, grow, light and comfort the world or is your all consuming fire just about out and smoldering in ashes? Perhaps it's time for some self evaluation. Perhaps you need to go outside and sit in the sunshine and ponder it's existence, let it warm you and coax you into a growth spurt. Perhaps a little poderance of life's mysteries is called for.

With every day that passes and with every morning my eyes open, I am amazed at the reality that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am definetly not where I was yesterday and I have no idea where I will be tomorrow. I do not have my life figured out so definitively as of yet. I used to. I used to have big plans steeped in my desires but plans change just like the weather especially when your plans include other people. Sometimes people change their minds. The constant though, is the creator. I am the constant creator in my life and I can destroy and create my reality at will.

That's my current realization.

It took a nudge from my Qi-gong healer to get my psyche to let go of the dread conditioning that unfortunately permeates everything and most everyone lately. I had my feet planted firmly in defeat and didn't even realize it. In my most recent session, I acted like a spoiled child who couldn't see that the cookies were right there in front of me. I couldn't see the cookies were right there in front of me because my eyes were closed shut. I was unable to grasp the notion that the cookies were RIGHT THERE. Why? Because I had allowed myself to believe that 'this was as good as it gets'. What a bunch of rubbish.

It wasn't until the appointed time when my healer worked his 'magic' that I could see clearly again. The reset button didn't exist prior to that session in my mind. It absolutely existed though, I mean, we live in a Universe of abundance and infinite possibilities but I couldn't or wouldn't be open to it...yet. 
However, once the illumination began, the scales fell from my eyes, the weight lifted, I had a renewed sense of life and possibilities. Right before that though - all's I could say was 'No!, No!, No!' Silly little girl.

How is it that someone like me who is on a quest for light and Spirit and all things God, be sound asleep?

Well, I'm not really. The truth is I am on a quest.

God knows what I seek and He also knows what I need to know. As I wake up every morning I have a sincere desire to be better than I was yesterday, to honor the light and love and God inside of me, to honor all of that in all of you, and to be the best I can be. God knows that. The Angels know that. The Universe knows that. All of us are conspiring to make all of this happen. What I desire I am a magnet to. All that I concentrate on becomes larger. Therefore, all that I seek I will find. It's the most basic of effective equations but you have to be open to the answers. Please don't assume you have anything figured out. Once you do that you are putting sleeping pills in your mouth and then you're sleepwalking, talking and making sense to only everyone else who is asleep, but the truly present know better. They recognize a sleeping human. If invited, they gently nudge them awake, give them a shot of sunshine and promise them that the blue skies are real and so are the butterflies.

Life is magical.

Don't fall back to sleep and believe that it's all doom and gloom. Would a butterfly ever come out of its cocoon if anyone ever told it that?

I am in awe of this life, this hollogram, this human experience as Spirit. I am thrilled that God has graced this Spirit with a body to navigate this dimension. (There are many dimensions my friends.) I am a very curious being and I have learned to unlearn everything I've ever known about this life and I have been reset back to core which is child-like bliss, curiosity, creation, love, kindness, playfullness, and mysteriousness. You wanna play?

Thursday, November 28, 2013

life is so good yo!

There are just so many things, places and people to be thankful for. I am so very thankful everyday and it's nice to watch the rest of America unite in harmony giving thanks for their many blessings. All media, social and otherwise, is saturated with kind words, wishes and table settings fit for royalty with feasts more than worthy. The many family photo's of time spent with loved ones is really what it's all about. It's beautiful to observe and I pray that this Spirit of gratitude permeates every molecule in existence and extends to the ends of the earth. The world needs this. I am so very grateful for my life. I am so very grateful for all those that are in it. My heart overflows with appreciation for all the blessings God has bestowed upon me. My only hope is that I use the rest of my life to help humanity in whatever way God has preordained. There is more work to be done. I am also grateful for the work and I pray I rise to the occassion. I am saluting the me that I will be a year from now. I am manifesting some serious change and as I am doing that doors are opening and opportunities are presenting themselves. I know that God has a future for me -- it's the one I'm currently creating and getting in line with and it's vastly different than the ones I've created in the past. As this human evolves so do circumstances. As this human changes the ways in which I navigate the world evolve. It's intrinsic and fascinating to be a part of. I am so very grateful for this mysterious, wonderous, magical, love-filled, miraculous, unbelievable thing we call l i f e . And if I haven't told you lately, I love you and I l o v e life ;) it's good yo!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Batter Up!!

It occurs to me that I am always exactly where I am supposed to be, even if the path I chose was not exactly on the chartered course.  I pray and God listens.  God speaks and I listen, hopefully.  I haven't always been the best listener because in the past, I was in too much pain to hear anything besides the futile complaints in my head.  Pain demands attention, pity demands attention, brokenness demands attention, and I gave it all the attention I had.  It was either that or continue manifesting pain and I really did not want that intentionally.  Some people like pain and expect it and look for it.  I'm very content with the absence of pain to the degree that joy shows up and makes it all better.  I'm kind of in that place at this point.  I'm not allowing yet another disappointment to get under my skin.  I'm not allowing anything, or anyone, to get under my skin, not like I used to.

It's an amazing thing to be able to witness my journey from an objective standpoint.  Most of us are too critical and too emotional to look at our own behavior, thoughts and actions with wonder.  We usually operate from an impulsiveness rather than consciousness.  We typically operate from a 'I recognise this and it's always been this in the past, so this must be what it is now that the future has arrived' mentality when in actuality, nothing ever stays the same, so why should I?   I was an expert at that in the past.  Today, however, is a much brighter day.  I am able to observe that which I could not before.  I am able to refrain from a typical, knee-jerk response and contemplate a different outcome, or at least react a lot less negatively and a lot more positively.  I do have a breaking point though and just like anyone who is trying to be more mindful will tell you, it's not always easy.  The minute you say 'I've got it all under control' the tests begin, or at least your awareness becomes much more keen to the things that would have normally sent you reeling but now don't seem to sting at all.  It's like being in a batting cage.  You see the machine setting up, loading with soft balls to the brim and BAM!!, a brand new soft ball comes barrelling toward you.  You either take a swing and hit it, miss entirely or in some cases get hit hard. 

In my past batting cage experience, I was always still thinking about stepping into the cage, the placement of my hands, or stance, or the helmet or the hair in my eyes.  Back then, I was completely distracted, confused and occupied and could barely even recognize that I was in a batting cage at all.  I knew I was in one, but I was not fully prepared for the first pitch.  Or the second, or third.  It's like finding yourself in the ocean at the shore's edge without even realizing you had waded out and now the waves are hitting you one after the other.  In no way are you 'going with the flow', you're actually resisting and getting pounded by the inevitable constant that are the waves of life.

Now?  Now, before I even step into the batting cage the reel is already played out in my head and I enter with fierce determination accepting nothing but success.  Success is completely different for everyone and for me is not hitting every ball out of the park.  Every ball is not meant to go out of the park.  Some are meant to advance a different player.  Some are meant to run aground.  Some are destined to be a foul ball.  No, success for me is being present throughout the entire process so as to be able to assess my progress and participation to make the very next moment even better than the last.  Success is being prepared.  Success for me is taking complete responsibility for stepping into the cage to begin with, bringing all of my equipment to be successful and then carrying out the task at hand with the passion and drive that only excellence can bring. That's what I strive for anyway. But there are so many obstacles that one could lose heart. One could, and I have, at times. I've come close to quitting the game. I'm an all together different player now, however, and my game is better than ever. I'm way less competitive toward others and mainly compete against myself and my own standings, as it were.

Do I miss?  But, of course.  Life can be very much like a batting cage and the lessons therein are immeasurable. You miss, but you learn why. You miss, but you apply what you've learned so as not to miss next time. You miss but you keep on trying.

I have recovered from many an injury sustained in the batting cage of life.  I am blessed to say that I still have the strength and desire to get in it every day and do the very best that I can do.  My journey in the last ten years has radically changed everything about me and my life except my passion.  God has allowed many obstacles and many balls to hit me, teach me, break me, and yet, He has also allowed me to hit several of them.  I think the most important thing that I've learned about life is that the ball park analogy is a good one depending on where you are in the stages of enlightenment.  I don't want to be attached to any balls lobbed at me one way or the other.  I don't want to be defined by any single moment of defeat or success. I don't want to be attached to any notion that life is a challenge or a thing to be overcome.  The analogy of the batting cage is only applicable for a time or a season in our journey.  The process of evolution or enlightenment gifts us with the knowledge and wisdom that love is all there is and love is never a competition with ourselves or anyone else.  Love is all there is.

I'm through with the status quo.  I'm through with pasty white, glue-like thinking that doesn't get beyond self-imposed boundaries, primitive self-loathing, petty competitiveness, envy and jealousy that does nothing but block the flow of the very energy that sustains us.  I am not allowing anyone to block my Qi anymore.  Perhaps I should say that I'm through with people that perpetuate that behavior.  I am an empath.  I feel everything.  I have worked hard to learn how to ground myself, forgive myself, heal myself, free up stagnant energy from past hurts and disappointments and with the help of the Holy Spirit, teach myself some very important 'ground rules to life' lessons.  You don't get to play hard ball with me anymore unless I know you're present and grounded.  If you're not, I must treat you that way.  I have to protect the pearls that I have attained because trust me, they were not easy to get.  Given half a chance, some people will gladly crush your pearls and not only watch you cry, but hang on your tears like an athlete hangs onto achievement awards.  I've met too many people in my lifetime that have only their own hearts to please and what I've learned from them is paramount to my success.  What I've learned from them is never to be taken for granted.  What I've learned from them God has allowed.  What I have learned from them is priceless.  What I have learned from them helps me to recognize when the circle that is life comes full and before me stands a soul that pleases only himself, I am most likely going to be challenged.  What I have learned is to avoid this type of challenge.

In the past, I would rise to the occasion.  I am a Leo after all, and a lion in pain is a fool's challenge.  I would inflict as much pain as my adversary, if not more.  I was unaware of the fact that I was inflicting pain, I was in too much pain to notice.  That's the truth and the pain I speak of inflicting was self defense at best, and aggressive taunting at worst.  I could get muddy with the best of them.  But that was never my calling.  I've learned that the status quo I no longer engage in was trivial, ignorant, heartless, selfish and  self-serving.  Those days are over.  The hurt is gone.  The light is shining and all that's left is love.  I have come full circle and I'm so very grateful.  I am not who I used to be.  I can label the softballs that have changed me.  I know each one affectionately.  I am so very grateful for having been given the chance, by Spirit, to change for the better.

I often reflect at critical stages in my life and this one is no different.  I turned 50 this past summer, I am a cancer survivor - as well as cancer treatment survivor.  I finally have enough energy to feel like a normal person since having been so ill only just a few months ago.  Sickness, emotional, physical or mental lessons play a serious role in our development.  I've used every one to my advantage.  I've squeezed as much out of all of these lessons, pain, struggle, sweat, blood and tears as any woman possibly could, and yet, I'm still so very optimistic.  I'm optimistic for so many reasons but mainly because of the God I serve.  I wish I could say that I trust humans, but I don't.  One human after the other has taught me that they are all learning, as am I.  Learning curves can be dangerous.  Learning curves can also be a lot of fun IF, and this is a big IF, IF you align yourself with that which is aligned with God.  If you're aligned with God and of the light, we can learn from and teach each other and move forward.  If you're not, then you're not and I will keep that in mind.   Humans, especially non-evolved humans, are quite the undertaking.  I'm too far along in my empathic journey to yoke up to anyone who is so stuck that they, or their problems could potentially stick to me.  I have learned to be very careful about this.  I pray and ask God, and the Angels, to intercede on that persons behalf, then, that's that.  Not my problem.  That may sound cold, but it is actually quite rational.  God is the instrument in your evolution, not me.  We can help each other, but I will not be any one's fall-out anymore.  You've been warned. Batter up!!

Sunday, July 28, 2013

I Believe, Therefore I See

Last night was a restful, non eventful Saturday evening where I was spending my time still recovering from this awful lung infection by watching Gatsby on bootleg DVD, it belonged to my roommate, I did not buy it and I must say, it was a pretty good copy.  As my sweet, quiet evening was winding down, I decided to go upstairs, get a refill on my cool drink and lock up for the night.  I went up a flight to the main floor, the kitchen, living room, dining room area, and went to the front door.  I live in an extremely quiet neighborhood and the through traffic that exists is mostly people in cars, unless there is a function at the middle school behind my house, then there are lots of people around.   I looked out the small window of my front door and noticed a man across the street taking what looked like pictures, or a video of my house, or above it.  I thought it odd, but was home alone and didn't really want to make a big deal about it.  I turned on the outside lights, closed some windows and went up to the third level where my bedrooms are.

This is where it gets ridiculous.

I went to my two bedroom windows whose blinds were still all the way up from inviting in the days sunlight.  My plan was to bring down the blinds, put on my bedroom light and go get my drink.  As I approached the windows, I had a sense of vulnerability which I typically do not have.  I grabbed the string on the window blind and began to release the string to lower the blind.  I looked out the window, up toward the sky, and that's when I saw them.

I saw two unidentified flying objects behind and above my house!  I could not believe what I was seeing and I was mesmerized.  They were a beautiful color of gold, illuminating themselves from the inside out, and they had a textured surface like a dogs toy, or Christmas star ornament, in that there were spikes or spokes leading outward.  They were not just gold, round balls of light.  They made no sound and they seemed to hover and turn with ease.  It's hard to describe how big they were suffice to say they were not small.  They were rather medium sized, like the size of  a compact car.  They floated around and then proceeded north. 

As I was staring at the first one I saw, I noticed the second one on the other side of the pine trees.  I had head to toe chills and was a little freaked out as I continued to shut my blinds.  At this point, I went back downstairs to my front door.  The man across the street was still there, so I went out and addressed him with arms folded closely over my chest. 

I asked "What is that'? 
He said "You see them'"?
I responded "I see two of them". 
At that point, another neighbor whom I hadn't noticed piped in and said "There are eight"!

I had been looking up over my house and still saw the two as they floated toward the north.  And then they were gone. 

My two neighbors bravely headed in that direction and I noticed behind them were a group of teenagers, also in pursuit.  Brave souls.  I just retreated back into the safety of my home (LOL) and felt so completely confused, and again there was that vulnerable feeling.  I ran back upstairs and looked for the floating, golden, compact car sized balls, but they were gone.

What had I just witnessed?  I watched the local news last night but nothing.  I googled UFO sightings for my town and to my surprise there had been local, recent UFO sightings, dissimilar to my experience, but surprising nonetheless.

Well, my interpretation of this experience is that I have always believed in the unbelievable.  I have also had a sense of unworldliness and while it frightened me and caught me completely off guard, I am not, at my core, surprised.  Angels, by their very nature could be described as a UFOs and I've also believed in them, while I've never seen one.  Ghosts, by their very nature could be described as UFOs, and I've also believed in them, especially after seeing a couple.  There is so much more that is unexplained than explained, and until you've experienced these things yourself, you may or may not believe. 

I can tell you that I am a believer.  I'm not sure what they were, what they wanted, why I was lucky enough to witness this but I can tell you that I'm happy I got to see, with my own eyes, that which people have discussed and debated for my entire life.  I'm not too concerned with whether or not people believe my testimony, I have better things to do than to try to convince someone of something that I am.  Either you know me to be credible, or you don't.  I'm pretty sure I'm a sure bet, but you'd have to ask my friends what they think of me.

I can also tell you they were not planes, balloons, birds, stars, or anything familiar that flies that I've ever seen.  I have never seen anything like this in my life.  It was exhilarating, confusing, and curious.  The more I think about it, the more curious I get.  I wished I had gone outside sooner to ask my neighbor what he was looking at and in a way I'm glad I didn't.  I merely looked out the window on my own and saw, witnessed, experienced two UFOs, very innocently.  I mean, I watched The Great Gatsby for Gods' sake, not Aliens 3.  There was no explanation or mindful manifestation or drug or alcohol induced imagination.  This was all them in front of all of me, and my neighbors.

Would I follow them?  Probably not unless it was from a safe distance.  I have to laugh though.  After witnessing this unexplained mystery, the 'safety of my home' and 'a safe distance' seems an immature concept.  I think the technology and ability of these beings far exceeds our own.  While they were ominously quiet, I believe they are capable of making quite a bit of noise.  It scares me a little because it made me feel vulnerable, as I mentioned, but also a beat behind.  They obviously are observing us while we humans are practically oblivious to them going so far as to close a blind eye and still debate their existence.  That's just my opinion about the general population.  I believe, strongly, that world wide governments are quite well aware.

It really is up to the individual to cipher through information, beliefs, philosophies, explanations, etc., with an open mind, and allow the infinite realm of possibilities to exist.  I believe, therefore I see.  However, I'm still shaking my head. 

I did eventually get my cool drink and as I sipped it slowly, I had that familiar and strong sense of vulnerability.  I kept looking out the window in anticipation of a repeat performance, but while I was expectant, I was honestly not disappointed and eager to have a peaceful, non eventful evening once again.  I was home alone after all and was not prepared for a road trip.  I can tell you that I will have camera in hand probably every night for a while because this was as exciting as it gets.  Bring it on Universe!  I am excited to be here and am always looking to get to the next level, whatever that may be.  Pictures would only be a plus and oh, what a wonderful world.  

Monday, July 22, 2013

If I'm Smart

Spiritually speaking, I am in the desert, so just now when I heard the rain, I ran to the door.  I stepped outside and stood under the awning listening as the rain became heavier and heavier.  I thought of the many people that instinctively avoid the rain by dashing in between drops, grabbing umbrellas and running for cover.  I felt the mist on my bare legs as I stood there in my t-shirt and shorts.  That's when it occurred to me.

When was the last time I deliberately stood in the pouring rain without any concern for getting soaking wet?

I could remember a time, years ago, when an old acquaintance and I went jogging in the rain.  It was his preference.  He loved it and wanted me to share in that love, so I joined him.  It was fun and exciting and pretty romantic.  I realized today that that was way too long ago, so I did the only natural thing.  I took two steps forward and left the shelter of my awning.  I stood in the pouring rain, facing the sky, hands held high.  The rain got heavier and heavier and as I began to get soaked, I asked God to do a few things for me.

I felt the warmth of the ground underneath my bare feet.  I felt the back of my Rejoice t-shirt becoming soaked with water and as it touched my back, the coolness was refreshing and shocking all at once.  We've had a bit of a heat wave here in NJ for the past several days, and I felt as parched as the atmosphere, the grass, the trees, and my potted plants that I've been so desperately trying to keep hydrated.  Without water, of course, they would perish, as their water source either comes from the sky, a human, or it just doesn't come at all.  The grass goes into hibernation, the trees, somehow, withstand the cold, the heat, droughts.  Trees amaze me with their fortitude and strength.  Potted plants, however, need the potters attention, love, nourishment and care.  I am that potter and I care for what is mine very much.  Maybe when it comes to me though, I lose touch.  After all, I am not the potter of myself.  Someone, something, has potted me, has allowed me this life, this breath, this moment, and if in this moment I am withering, it is the Master Potter who needs to tend to me.

I asked God to take away my pain and sadness.  I asked God to wash me clean and let all the impurities pour into the ground, into Mother Earth, and be reborn as something better.  I stood in the rain and asked God to notice me, to not forsake me, to renew my spirit, mind, body and soul.  I got soaked.

The rain has since stopped and I've come inside.  I took off my soaking wet Rejoice t-shirt and shorts and wrapped myself in the comfort of one of my long, white, cotton robes.  I took my hair out of its pony tail and brushed it as lovingly as I could.  I could feel the prana running through my body and trust me, after all the illness and drugs I've had to endure, this was an altogether much better feeling to be aware of.  I feel less sad.  I made myself a cup of tea and sat down at the computer.  As I sipped the hot tea I just made for myself, I thought of this blog and the fact that I've been posting so much about the physical and hardly anything about the spiritual.  I realize that it's partly because I've been so sick and partly because I haven't felt very spiritual.  I do feel somewhat like a worm that a bird dropped in the desert on its way back to feed its young.  The bird trying desperately to hang on to its catch, namely me, inadvertently dropped me and I landed in the worst possible of places. 

Lying in the arid desert is no place for spirit.  Or is it?

While standing in the pouring rain, I looked at all that was alive around me.  Everything was getting soaked, every leaf, every tree, every blade of grass, every delicate flower.  I could feel the somewhat localized yet universal sigh of relief after not having anything to drink for so long and then this abundance of grace.  I felt as if I belonged to all of it and I felt like it appreciated my 'free to experience the moment' presence all the while taking in what it had been waiting for for so long, and that's when I realized the desert is as appropriate a place as the side of the raging river.  Both offer an abundance of wisdom, knowledge and experience.  Both are spiritual places. 

Yes, I've been in the raging river and have enjoyed the laziness along side of it, but to be so far away from it, this I really have not enjoyed.  The dark night of soul is not an enjoyable experience.  The worm, when it realizes it will never make it back to source, gives itself over to the inevitable but the human knows better.  The human knows that one day it will return to source, one way or the other. 

For me, I am still walking out of the desert after just experiencing the best water mirage of my life.  It was so real.  It was so wet and it was so natural and unexpected.  So what am I worried about?  God would never leave me completely although the desert mirage is just as real.  One way or the other I will find my God and my God will find me, wanting. 

The world could never possibly fill my heart the way that rainfall did.  The world could never satisfy my thirst the way I know God can.  Even when my cup is empty, there is a cloud off in the distance with my name on it.  God has fashioned it this way.  He has made the high places, as well as the low.  He has allowed happiness and fullness of spirit, and he also allows sadness and emptiness.  He created the sand as well as the ocean.

If I'm smart, I will not avoid a single drop of rain but allow my soul to be submerged with an open heart, a clear conscience, and a desire to live another day, despite my circumstances.  If I'm smart, I will try to remember the raging river while in the desert.  If I'm smart, I will remember the laziness along side of the river as I battle and try to swim upstream.  If I'm smart, I will remember how wet it once felt while being as dry as I've ever been. 

"If" I'm smart.