a short - the sun
written by Maria L. Pomponio



The sun finally came out.

It had been hiding up there for days and Jodi was hiding along with it.

Working in her dark office she didn’t realize how depressed she had become until the light penetrated the darkness.

She sees what she hadn’t for days.

Life was happening despite her covered gloom.

Somehow now the light makes it bearable and it keeps getting brighter.

All at once her spine is breathing in new life again as the sun reflects back into her squinting eyes.

Jodi thinks 'it’s so bright, how could the sun possibly hide herself so completely'?

She hates it when the suns rays don’t quite connect through the clouds and she has to work hard to find them. She can’t get that direct contact.

But now with the sun shining on her face, Jodi feels like spreading her wings and letting them dry on a hot rock.

She eases into a smile.

Pretty soon she’ll spring off the edge of that rock and fly high up above it as the sun warmed air holds her up.

Her sun came out today.

our lives reflect our thoughts

Right now, information is coming in faster than I can process it.

I've asked God to 'show me' whatever it is that I should be made aware of. I asked this after I purchased a few books from Borders that I thought I should read.

Turns out they were okay. But God had so much more for me. More than I could have ever imagined for myself.

I've been on an intellectual journey about spiritual matters. It is blowing my mind.

Quantum Physics. Metaphysics. Light Energy Philosophy. Science.

Thoughts as energy. Prayers as energy. Reiki. Life Force Energy. Electricity.

Did I mention ENERGY?

Negative energy and what it does to us....how illness can usually be traced back to emotional trauma that was not acknowledged, processed, dealt with or worse, ignored or denied.

It's all in line with what I am to be.

I've even been looking into past life regression.

Past lives? Yup.

The animated Dr. Quantum from What The Bleep Do We Know (part 4) interviews a mythical two dimensional circle about such unknowings.

Until the two dimensional circle imagined the possibility of a third dimension - there would be none. For the circle anyway.

BUT, if the two dimensional circle allows the idea to exist - then the third dimension can exist!

It exists for a lot of people. Remember Shirley McClain? teehee - snicker, I used to just think that lady was loco. Turns out perhaps, not so much.

Past lives? I had never given that a second thought.

Reincarnation.

Old karma.

Lessons repeated until learned.

Our thoughts creating our circumstances, our lives, our health . . .

It's all in there. Somethings definetly in there.

The Universe is Waiting

Hopefully, we're all working toward something.

Working toward some ridiculous goal, some unreachable, unattainable goal that causes us to stretch to our very limits beyond our comfort zones.

Hopefully, we're not satisfied with the way things have turned out.

Hopefully, we'll keep pushing and running until the race is finished.

The race isn't finished you know.

There is still half a course to run.

We can stop now, take a break and enjoy the half way point, or we can blow past our comfort zones (and competitors) and persevere past the sweat, cramps and thirst.

The payoff, and there is one, lies at the very end.

At the end of the race we will be rewarded for our performance.

Make no mistake, the Universe is observing us at this very moment.

The Universe is waiting for us to trust it.

The Universe is waiting for us to ask more from it.

The Universe is waiting to give us more of what we need to help others.

What will you ask the Universe for today and how will it help the world at large?

Hopefully, you'll never get tired of sitting still, asking questions and waiting for the answers.

Thin Airs

Thin Airs
Written by Maria L. Pomponio

Masquerade
Fading into thin airs
Who cares truly anyway
Which mask is worn
When eyes never lie
Magnified by glass houses
Worn like costumes

Perfection hides behind those noisy walls

But the clock is ticking
Every beats been counted
And it’s the drummers last solo
He takes his cue as
The pale champagne pours and
Toasts break like glass slippers

We’ve all worn that shoe before

Some fitting better than others
The unmistakable wear and tare
The worn torn soul
This pair not treading lightly
Running into brick walls
Waltzing into eight figures
And long circles

Never really getting anywhere

We’ve all been there before taking
Time for a change of scenery
To match the costume changes as
Solar plexus butterflies come right on time
Before the real dialogue begins

Still perfectly orchestrated

Like the tempo the drummer still keeps
Down on the base beat
Moving feet right past
The note of the last song

Pretends over now,

you've missed it
There’s right

and then there’s wrong

Growing Up Young

Tomorrow is my 45th birthday, but whose counting? Forty fricken five years old. WTF?

Me, Nanny and Debbie in Nanny's yard in Jersey City.

The house in the background was where we lived.

Our yards were connected by a fence that I mastered climbing very quickly. That was awesome!

She was our best friend growing up.

Thank you Nanny for everything.

Me and Daddy-O. I was about 8 or so...

Me & Daddy -O. I was about 28 or so. . .

Me & Daddy-O about two seconds ago (years) . . .

Me and the Sun, Race Point, MA 2008 Who shines more? Me or the sun???

Where did all those years, months, days, minutes, suns and moons go? I mean it was just a second ago I was sitting at Nanny's kitchen table eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It was a second ago I was at the Catholic convent where I spent my very young days in the nursery school waiting for someone to come and pick me up. Not two seconds after that I headed to Catholic grammar school with my rainy day boots, coat and hat on (that I hated).

It was just a second ago that I was sitting on the couch next to my gorgeous Mother mimicking every move she made.

Mommy You Are So Beautiful!

Me and Debbie Do! Notice the matching pajamas? Aunt Jean provided all the sleep wear one could possibly need in a lifetime. Thanks Aunt Jean!

It was just a second ago I taught my sister Debbie how to climb up a tree (I've yet to teach her how to climb down teehehhee). I was such a tom boy ... I guess in a lot of ways I still am.

It was just a second ago that Mom, Dad, Deb and I danced around the dining room table to a Motown song as a family, as one - that was the only time we every did that. Dancing would become such a huge part of my life ... I should've been a dancer seeing as though I was walking on my tippy toes before I could do anything else. It was a trick everyone used to ask me to perform all the time. Why didn't they send me to dance class? Meh, who knows.

It was just a second ago that we moved from that apartment to the 'split-level' one in Bayonne. We left behind our Nanny and Poppy, our school, our friends, our familiar community and the single bedroom we shared. It was awesome for a second, so Deb and I thought, since it had a few stairs leading up to our very own bedrooms for the first time.

Ironic since shortly thereafter, about a second later, our family was split up. Hmmmm let's see...our own bedrooms or our own family? I don't remember anyone every asking us what we wanted. Needlesstosay, we would've shared a bedroom with each other until a second ago if it meant keeping our family together. But, that didn't happen.

It was just a second ago we moved yet again to a much smaller apartment, one that a newly single Mother of two young girls could afford.

It was just a second ago that my life spiraled out of control because of those fragments.

It was just a second ago that I actually processed, accepted and released those facts.

It was just a second ago I graduated grammar school and then high school (not before getting kicked out of one (All Girl Catholic High School to remain nameless to protect their identity - not mine : ) and being transferred to another (Public Bayonne High School - with boys YAY!). I've left out a few messy, rebelious stories. I was young, confused, and coming from a newly broken family - you can probably fill in the blanks.

It was just a second ago I walked through the canyons of Wall Street for the first time. I had my first real corporate interview and got hired. I worked at Commerzbank for four years as a Clerk processing Clearing House International Payment Systems Federal Funds! Big responsibility for a little girl. It was a really good stepping stone for me although my business background was never anything that I was passionate about.

The only reason I went to work on Wall Street was for the money. We needed money. Mom was working full time, Deb was working full time and paying Mom board so it was a natural progression for me to do the same. I had to do the same. We were working class women without a man in the home - so we did the only thing we could do and that was survive. Luckily, I had the presence of mind to learn how to type in high school - really well. I mean I type over 90 words per minute. I mastered the key board. That's how I got my first job.

Looking back on it I know it was the only thing I could do - but, had I the choice to do it all again....I'd have gone to college, seminary, dance school, art school, who knows, maybe even medical school. Let me be clear, I'd have gone to school with a whole mind and heart. I had neither going to Wall Street. I was a broken young lady doing the only thing I knew to do. But such is life and it has all led me to where I am now in the present moment.

I was 17 back then - it was 8/1/81. Wow. Is it really 8/5/08?

It was second ago I was heading down the Jersey Shore with my most beloved best friend Andrea and my sister Debbie. We were heading for trouble baby and you know what? We always found what we were looking for. Being young, tan and full of energy was the order of the day. No thing and no one ever got in our way - if anything - they just moved aside. Two seconds later were heading home from a weekend of partying. Tired, sun fried, no money left but so happy/lucky to be alive.

A second later, I was saying goodbye to Andrea who relocated to Florida. Although my heart was broken for so long, looking back now, it seems like that hurt lasted only a few seconds.

It was a second ago I was picking Mango out of a litter of five or more kittens in the bottom of a friends closet. I loved the little grey spots on his belly. I picked him out, rubbed his belly and it was love for ever more. Still is Boy! I miss you and this year, my birthday will not be the same without you.

Then in the next second, my sister Debbie married Tommy. They had two beautiful children whom I've proudly baptized. One is ten and the other is already 13! Good God have mercy on my soul.

TJ and Tori.

Photo taken two seconds ago when they still lived in NJ.

They'll probably say they hate this picture seeing as though it's so old - paaaaleeeeeze.

They have since moved from Hazlet to Tampa.

That move took about two seconds, right Deb? LOL : )

Last year, I said goodbye to Debbie, Tommy, Tori and TJ as they also relocated to Florida. Must be something about the weather down there. I wish I could say the pain of losing them geographically only lasted a second. Truth be told, that hole in my heart will never be filled, not by time anyway. The only thing that can fill that hole would be their very presence, all of them.

So, going back a few seconds, I met my husband and his son Steven, we all got engaged, bought our first house, eloped in Hawaii....geez that was already thirteen years ago.

Photo of Jim and me at our Reception Party that we gave ourselves.

But, that was then.

Then = a second ago.

And the statement 'this too shall pass' is all too close to home.

All of it has passed.

The moments, the suns, the moons, the decades, the hurts, the loves, the drama.

It's all over now that I'm a married uggghhhh 'mature' woman. Yuck, there I've said it.

I hope that I've managed my time well. I hope that I have not taken one ounce of time for granted (who hasn't). I hope that I have learned and I hope that I have grown.

Mostly, I hope that I have mastered growing.

I'm a very happy, blessed, lucky, married, mature woman now (lol!). So, watch out!

What I am to be I pretty much already am.

I'm not sure what's up the road a bit, but I'm ready for it....all 45+ more years to come.

Be careful though, if you blink baby, you'll miss it.

Make It Happen

I am calm. I am at peace with myself and others. I have everything I need. I create my own destiny. I am creating it right now. I know exactly what I want and therefore, can manifest it in my life. I make it happen . . .

"Spirit is substance which forms itself according to your demands, and must have a pattern from which to work. A pan of dough is as willing to be formed into bread as biscuit. It makes as little difference to Spirit what we demand."
Frances Larimer Warner 1907

Peace

To the sea . . .

Jim drove the Motor home to the Cape and back.

Really quite comfortable accommodations. Especially for me.

I tend to have to move around more than a car would allow.

I thank God for this huge blessing.

Finally, we got away for a much needed vacation. Jim and I have been through so much in the past year and a half . . . now it was time for some fun. We headed out to sea via Massachusetts. First stop, Sandwich, then Falmouth, then Hyannis, then Provincetown and then Martha's Vineyard.

We took our bicycles and that was a great thing. We cycled all over the place, maybe a little too much cycling since we did rent a car. I would've preferred to be chauffeured around a little bit more, but not this trip. This was all about motion, staying in constant motion.

Falmouth, MA Town Center


Then, it's off the boat literally and para sailing over Provincetown Harbor

I was getting a little nervous . . .

But no time for that it's up, up and away . . . so beautiful, so much fun, we highly recommend this . . .

Next we went whale watching. We try and do this where ever it's offered. This particular experience was mind blowing. Jim and I were sending out love and energy to the whales before we got out there. No really. We were seriously mindful and sent out energy. It was waiting for us out there.

There is always a chance you won't see anything. NOT THIS TIME. The whales waived us out to sea, met us out there and then, waved us back home. It was amazing. Magical. Spiritual. Peaceful. Godly. . . . check it out . . .

This is a humpback with her calf.
They were sleeping - just rolling and breathing. They call it logging, since when you approach them, they look like logs on the surface of the water . . .





Race Point is where you catch the most awesome sunsets...

Very romantic . . .

This particular nite, the seals swam up the coast line . . . huge seals . . .they brought a smile to the adults and made the children scream with joy.

I could post all day about our adventures...but that's enough for one day. Hope you enjoyed our trip as much as we did.

Namaste & Love

Le Chaim, Le Chaim, To Life!

When you partner with an energy like my cat Mango, you'll not soon forget him. Getting along without him becomes a very conscious effort. I see him everywhere. I feel him everywhere.

It's hard to stop doing something you've done for twenty three years. Just now, I came back home from running some errands and the first thing, THE FIRST THING, I did when I came in the door, was look for him.

Time for cats to eat, I want to call him.

Time to go outside, I want to make sure all are present and accounted for. The rhythm has been 'one, two, three, four', 'one, two, three, four'. Now, obviously the fourth is no longer. The number four is no longer applicable. The even is now odd. For sure.

So, I'm still grieving. That's okay. It's not even been a full week yet. I've yet to pick up his remains. Still grieving.

But, and this is a big BUTT, I completed Reiki II and at least, now my prayers can availeth that much more.

Reiki II is not the same as Reiki I. It's more. More love, more healing, more presence, more confidence ("faith as small as a mustard seed" and growing).

I dedicate my Reiki II to Mango. A few weeks ago when I put my hands on him to give him Reiki, his response was palpable. He purrrrred so loudly and looked right up at me. I knew he felt what the universe was offering him through me.

I dedicate my future Reiki Mastership on the whole to Dina & Bobbi, women of light. Young, beautiful women full of light and life taken from this world too soon.

Dina was more to me than I realized. She pointed me in several different spiritual directions that I appreciate so much more now than at the time.

Bobbi was also more. She loved Reiki. She loved life. She was a healer. She encouraged me to do the same. She would be very proud today to know that I am moving forward.

I hope to have all of their blessings from the far and beyond - to the right here and now. They have mine.

So, to my beloved Mango, my friend Dina and my inspiration Bobbi,

...you have all made me want to be a better person. A healer. A teacher. An author. A friend. A lover of life. I dedicate my life to all of you.

To the Higher Power within all of you still and within me.

To the oneness that we are and will always be.

To the separation that does not exist.

Le Chaim, Le Chaim. To life!

May Elohim, The Most High God be praised forever for He has given us much.

Yoti's last photo in the yard

Today is the second and a half day without my boy Mango (Yoshi Mangashito).

I've been able to sleep the past two nights, surprisingly. I've been so exhausted by the time the night hour rolls around I basically just 'fall' asleep. My husband nudged me awake last night. He said I was breathing really deeply and I guess it scared him. Not sure what was going on there, but I can tell you this...

today...my heart hurts,
...my head hurts,
...my mind cannot focus,
...my eyes hurt,
...my throat is dry,
...my soul aches,
...my spirit is shattered,
...if I was ever complete, today not so

...but it's getting better.

I had to say something positive at the end there whether I believe it or not, right? Right!

These have been the hardest days.

Mango was my silent companion for half of my life. We grew up together, explored together, ate together, slept together, walked together, listened to music together, relocated together, married Jimmy together and just very recently I showed him how the sun breaks up into a million lights when it hits a crystal. The rainbows and flashes of light streamed all over the room and he looked (seriously - he was totally engaged) around at all of them and then back at me as if to say 'hey Mom, how come you never showed me that before'?

We smiled at each other in the rainbows of light.

Mango was always so regal. He had an M marked clearly on his head between his ears. We would actually call him "King Mango". Jim actually gets the credit for that name. Mang had a look about him. He was so conscious. He payed attention. If the doorbell would ring, he would come with me to see who it was. Most times, whoever it was knew him and greeted him accordingly. He was very social. Probably too social at times. But, that's what made him so special. He wasn't common, but he loved the commoners. : )

One of my favorite things to do with Mango? There were many through the years. But consistently, I would hold him and walk around the house showing him and talking to him about everything....he'd stay in my arms for as long as I wanted to hold him. He used to push his nose into my hair and listen most attentively to every word I said. He would stare at me for hours. Just looking. Much love.

When he was kitten, so tiny and small, I would rub his belly and kiss his little grey and white spots. Then, I would bring him up to my face for kisses and he would nuzzle under my neck. He never stopped doing that. Even after he reached 12+ pounds he still thought he was a tiny and small kitten under his Mama's neck. Pretty funny and heavy. I'm ashamed to say sometimes I would shoo him down. It's hard to walk around with a 12+ pound cat under your chin. But make no mistake, Mango was not heavy, he was my brother, son, friend, family. I would've carry him forever if I could.

What I wouldn't give to hold him one more time.

So, since I was with him since the day he was born, it was only fair to him to be with him in his last moments. We had to take him to the vet. He was so disoriented and not functioning with control. We had hope that perhaps Dr. Wilson of Cedar Grove Animal Hospital would laugh at us and tell us to take him back home.

Jimmy and I both took the news pretty badly that the time had come. Ultimately, it was my decision and I pray to the Most High God to never EVER EVER EVER have to make that decision again. I wanted Mango to fall asleep in his bed and go to God that way, not by my hand. Not by drugs. I didn't want his last memory to be one of the travel case, exam at Dr.'s office, etc.

Rosie standing by the travel case.

I was shocked to see the cross.

See the cross and rainbow?

Otherwise I would never have taken a picture.

The rainbow and cross appeared on the hardwood floor right in front of the carry case (see the single strand of cat hair?). The cross was formed by the cage. Ironic. I also dreamt of many many colors, a flood of color last night. Not sure what that means if anything.

He didn't want to get into the travel case. I had to push him slightly. That was gut wrenching and it only got worse after that. I can barely type these words. He started to cry and when we were in the office, he saw the door and we could see him thinking "I've got to get out of here".

Jim said "why don't you let him make a run for it". It would've been Mango's style to just slip out the door into the neighborhood and disappear into someones flower garden. But two seconds after that he would've been disoriented and of course I was never going to let that happen, but it's amazing how your mind navigates an escape route for your beloved as well as yourself in times like these.

That's when the room starts to spin and the hard part of reality sets in. I get the look from Dr. Wilson. They weigh him. He's lost almost half of his body weight since his visit last year. He's not the same boy he used to be. He's emaciated, a shell of what he once was. Dr. Wilson said "if the day before was his best day, and it wasn't a great day - it's definitely not going to get any better". I did not want my boy to suffer. I could not allow my boy to suffer.

The time had come.

I had to shake my head up and down indicating my decision and make eye contact with Dr. Wilson. He left the room to get the injection. Jim and I just reached down and held our boy until it was over. He put his little head down and it was done.

We are having him cremated so I will be called to pick up his remains shortly. I will keep them with me. I couldn't imagine sprinkling them anywhere I wasn't going to be forever. Who knows, maybe one day I'll find a place that's appropriate, but I doubt it.

Mango was always with me. Mango was meant to be with me. Mango is still with me. Mango will always and forever be in the quiet resting of my heart.

I love you Yoti. Thank you for every thing.

Boy, you are always mine.

Until I see your beautiful green eyes again.

Smooches, Hugs, Rubs, Treats x 1,000,000,000 and then some,

and of course all of my love and all of the love in the universe,

but you already have that.

xoxo =^..^= xoxo

Our Beloved Mango

The following post is dedicated to Mango who passed away yesterday. I will post a more fitting memorial to him later.

* * *

Mango, Yoshi Mangashito, Mangalito, whichever you prefer, is twenty three years old. I've had him since the day he was born. He has gone everywhere with me. When we moved here he disappeared for over 16 days. He got out and took a long walk I guess. Those were sixteen of the longest days and nights. It was October and getting cold so I knew he'd be cold, hungry and scared. This was a new neighborhood for all of us. Behind our house is a pond with all sorts of wildlife - he is a city boy growing up on the streets of Bayonne. He doesn't know about some of the wildlife that exists...like raccoon, geese, opossum. Somehow, he returned to me unharmed only to find me two timing him with Squeakie and Cricket. But let me explain...


I was absolutely heart broken after searching for him non-stop for two weeks. I roamed the neighborhood, put up fliers, combed the shelters. I finally accepted the fact that he was gone. In an effort to ease my broken heart, I went to the pound one last time hoping to find him there. I found Squeakie Rose and Cricket instead. No sooner did I bring those two girls home, then Mango showed back up at the front door no less, meowing his head off to get in. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard his mew outside the house one sunny morning. I opened the door and saw my boy there. I was ecstatic to find him without a scratch, just extremely tired and hungry. After a quick run to the vet to make sure he was okay, he took to the couch for a week and was shortly thereafter back to his old self. I have no idea where he was, but he was back and that's all that mattered. But something happened after that that I never expected.

Mango and Squeakie Rose became more than just friends. They hug and nuzzle and sleep together. It's the sweetest thing to see and I couldn't be happier. See for yourself. . .









Not bad for an old guy in retirement. Mango lives a very comfortable, safe life, except when he crosses Cricket's path (notice she's not in this picture), then it's every cat for themselves. I've broken up many a fight. It's really more than I can take sometimes. I never wanted four cats. I had Mango, he disappeared. In come Squeak and Cricket and I swear off all other cats forever until the 'black and white cookie cat' Mohito decided to join the family. But this time, that's it! she said with seriousness in her voice. Seriously though, it is a big responsibility. For the most part, we cannot travel when we want to, and when we do travel we have to get a cat sitter to come to our home twice a day, not to mention the clean up, cost of food, litter, doctor visits, etc.




And then there's the other side. The side that says it's good to share your life with these creatures. Every little bit you give to them comes back to you tenfold. And when you least expect it, they give even more than you could ever imagine. Somehow, they are very sensitive and when you're hurting they seem to pay extra special attention to you during those times. I think they cry when you cry and then they try to cheer you up with their unpredictible antics. All of these creatures have shown outstanding love and compassion to us. I guess we'll keep them.