Growing Up Young

Tomorrow is my 45th birthday, but whose counting? Forty fricken five years old. WTF?

Me, Nanny and Debbie in Nanny's yard in Jersey City.

The house in the background was where we lived.

Our yards were connected by a fence that I mastered climbing very quickly. That was awesome!

She was our best friend growing up.

Thank you Nanny for everything.

Me and Daddy-O. I was about 8 or so...

Me & Daddy -O. I was about 28 or so. . .

Me & Daddy-O about two seconds ago (years) . . .

Me and the Sun, Race Point, MA 2008 Who shines more? Me or the sun???

Where did all those years, months, days, minutes, suns and moons go? I mean it was just a second ago I was sitting at Nanny's kitchen table eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It was a second ago I was at the Catholic convent where I spent my very young days in the nursery school waiting for someone to come and pick me up. Not two seconds after that I headed to Catholic grammar school with my rainy day boots, coat and hat on (that I hated).

It was just a second ago that I was sitting on the couch next to my gorgeous Mother mimicking every move she made.

Mommy You Are So Beautiful!

Me and Debbie Do! Notice the matching pajamas? Aunt Jean provided all the sleep wear one could possibly need in a lifetime. Thanks Aunt Jean!

It was just a second ago I taught my sister Debbie how to climb up a tree (I've yet to teach her how to climb down teehehhee). I was such a tom boy ... I guess in a lot of ways I still am.

It was just a second ago that Mom, Dad, Deb and I danced around the dining room table to a Motown song as a family, as one - that was the only time we every did that. Dancing would become such a huge part of my life ... I should've been a dancer seeing as though I was walking on my tippy toes before I could do anything else. It was a trick everyone used to ask me to perform all the time. Why didn't they send me to dance class? Meh, who knows.

It was just a second ago that we moved from that apartment to the 'split-level' one in Bayonne. We left behind our Nanny and Poppy, our school, our friends, our familiar community and the single bedroom we shared. It was awesome for a second, so Deb and I thought, since it had a few stairs leading up to our very own bedrooms for the first time.

Ironic since shortly thereafter, about a second later, our family was split up. Hmmmm let's see...our own bedrooms or our own family? I don't remember anyone every asking us what we wanted. Needlesstosay, we would've shared a bedroom with each other until a second ago if it meant keeping our family together. But, that didn't happen.

It was just a second ago we moved yet again to a much smaller apartment, one that a newly single Mother of two young girls could afford.

It was just a second ago that my life spiraled out of control because of those fragments.

It was just a second ago that I actually processed, accepted and released those facts.

It was just a second ago I graduated grammar school and then high school (not before getting kicked out of one (All Girl Catholic High School to remain nameless to protect their identity - not mine : ) and being transferred to another (Public Bayonne High School - with boys YAY!). I've left out a few messy, rebelious stories. I was young, confused, and coming from a newly broken family - you can probably fill in the blanks.

It was just a second ago I walked through the canyons of Wall Street for the first time. I had my first real corporate interview and got hired. I worked at Commerzbank for four years as a Clerk processing Clearing House International Payment Systems Federal Funds! Big responsibility for a little girl. It was a really good stepping stone for me although my business background was never anything that I was passionate about.

The only reason I went to work on Wall Street was for the money. We needed money. Mom was working full time, Deb was working full time and paying Mom board so it was a natural progression for me to do the same. I had to do the same. We were working class women without a man in the home - so we did the only thing we could do and that was survive. Luckily, I had the presence of mind to learn how to type in high school - really well. I mean I type over 90 words per minute. I mastered the key board. That's how I got my first job.

Looking back on it I know it was the only thing I could do - but, had I the choice to do it all again....I'd have gone to college, seminary, dance school, art school, who knows, maybe even medical school. Let me be clear, I'd have gone to school with a whole mind and heart. I had neither going to Wall Street. I was a broken young lady doing the only thing I knew to do. But such is life and it has all led me to where I am now in the present moment.

I was 17 back then - it was 8/1/81. Wow. Is it really 8/5/08?

It was second ago I was heading down the Jersey Shore with my most beloved best friend Andrea and my sister Debbie. We were heading for trouble baby and you know what? We always found what we were looking for. Being young, tan and full of energy was the order of the day. No thing and no one ever got in our way - if anything - they just moved aside. Two seconds later were heading home from a weekend of partying. Tired, sun fried, no money left but so happy/lucky to be alive.

A second later, I was saying goodbye to Andrea who relocated to Florida. Although my heart was broken for so long, looking back now, it seems like that hurt lasted only a few seconds.

It was a second ago I was picking Mango out of a litter of five or more kittens in the bottom of a friends closet. I loved the little grey spots on his belly. I picked him out, rubbed his belly and it was love for ever more. Still is Boy! I miss you and this year, my birthday will not be the same without you.

Then in the next second, my sister Debbie married Tommy. They had two beautiful children whom I've proudly baptized. One is ten and the other is already 13! Good God have mercy on my soul.

TJ and Tori.

Photo taken two seconds ago when they still lived in NJ.

They'll probably say they hate this picture seeing as though it's so old - paaaaleeeeeze.

They have since moved from Hazlet to Tampa.

That move took about two seconds, right Deb? LOL : )

Last year, I said goodbye to Debbie, Tommy, Tori and TJ as they also relocated to Florida. Must be something about the weather down there. I wish I could say the pain of losing them geographically only lasted a second. Truth be told, that hole in my heart will never be filled, not by time anyway. The only thing that can fill that hole would be their very presence, all of them.

So, going back a few seconds, I met my husband and his son Steven, we all got engaged, bought our first house, eloped in Hawaii....geez that was already thirteen years ago.

Photo of Jim and me at our Reception Party that we gave ourselves.

But, that was then.

Then = a second ago.

And the statement 'this too shall pass' is all too close to home.

All of it has passed.

The moments, the suns, the moons, the decades, the hurts, the loves, the drama.

It's all over now that I'm a married uggghhhh 'mature' woman. Yuck, there I've said it.

I hope that I've managed my time well. I hope that I have not taken one ounce of time for granted (who hasn't). I hope that I have learned and I hope that I have grown.

Mostly, I hope that I have mastered growing.

I'm a very happy, blessed, lucky, married, mature woman now (lol!). So, watch out!

What I am to be I pretty much already am.

I'm not sure what's up the road a bit, but I'm ready for it....all 45+ more years to come.

Be careful though, if you blink baby, you'll miss it.