Right On Time

It wasn't until I grabbed the scalding hot handle of the frying pan that my mind stopped racing.   I had been  cooking, ranting, crying, expressing great disappointment and sadness.  I put the already hot frying pan in a 400 degree oven for a few minutes to finish, promptly took it out with an oven mitt and placed it on the stove, all the while still weeping.  I turned to get some utensils and turning back to the white hot frying pan, tears streaming, heart bursting with sadness, I grabbed that handle with the grip of ten women.  In the split second it took to grab that scorching hot handle, I became present enough to accept the burn as part of the lesson.  After all, it was too late at that point, my skin had already been seared like my dinner, and now, I finally slowed down enough to get it.  I dropped the pan and allowed myself just a little more sobbing, ranting, crying and expressing great disappointment and sadness while running my hand under cold water.

That was one bitter dinner.

Maine is one of my favorite places to visit and Jimmy and I were so looking forward to this trip.  We loved to take long journeys in the RV and this was a big one for us driving from our Garden State to the furthest most point in the Eastern United States.  We were both very excited, busy with preparations, plans, discussions and details.  It was also my birthday week and I was very happy with the prospect of celebrating in Maine, on Cadillac Mountain!  We were deep in conversation crossing things off of mental lists and the next thing I know, I am falling backward looking at Jim but he's too far away to save me.  Everything slowed down and in a warped split second in time, I was on the basement floor, holding my broken wrist and I hear myself crying, "I BROKE it".  Then I hear Jim saying, "NOOOooo"!  I grabbed my wrist and began doing Reiki, speaking healing, but similar to the burn experience, presence of mind was somewhat lacking and then, I went into shock.  

Of course, this begs the question, "What the hell were you thinking"?

Jimmy and I had a nice little bit of time at the ER that night to come up with all sorts of answers.  We got to ponder it for quite the long while after that having to endure our beautiful vacation with a brick on my arm, followed by six weeks of occupational therapy once the cast came off, and healing bone glory that lasted just about a whole year, all to regain the use of what was my perfect hand just prior.  

Well, I wasn't thinking, was I?  Not clearly anyway.  

I was thinking many exciting thoughts simultaneously, and I was planning a lot of things, but I was not present.  While speaking with Jim, lost in thought, planning and talking, another part of me was reliving my teenage years remembering riding a skateboard barefoot in the street.  In my defense, I am a bit of a tomboy so, naturally, I absentmindedly stepped on the back of that skateboard that had been in my garage for a few years, brand new, never used, wrapped in plastic.  I had taken it from the garage earlier in the week in preparation of giving it to a friend with younger brothers.  I obviously did not give it away fast enough.  Stupid?  Yes.  Daring?  Absolutely.  Did I remember to step on the front of the board and not the back?  Yes, as soon as I hit that terribly hard, slate floor, my right wrist bone fractured and I could no longer use my hand.  Funny how the mind works like that.  

I became quite proficient using my left hand that Summer.  The lessons came one right after the other, I'm sure you can imagine, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair, feeding yourself, cleaning yourself, showering, all with your non dominant hand.  It became so exceptionally hard to do anything and everything that I also became quite proficient in overcoming.  

Presence of mind can be a tricky little bugger.  Sometimes we think we are so present, and we are sound asleep dreaming, remembering, worrying, fretting, angering, waring, creating so much drama in our experience, it's a wonder we can produce anything of true value in our lives.  The scale tips in both directions for me, and probably you as well.  My highs were too high, and my lows, way too low.

I am still pretty proficient at this.

Last week, I once again, burned myself in almost the same manner as I had in the past.  And, when I say past, it was a few years ago that I burned my hand, and even more since I broke my wrist.  I am wondering, what has changed?

I have the word 'joy' tattooed on my left wrist and the burn from my stove came so close to it.  It actually has two places with second degree burns, and the rest is clearly first.  The symbolism is not lost on me.  There is something inside of me that still needs to burn, transmute, change, no longer be and what ever it is, it is burning me on the inside and out.  It has the potential to steal my joy, if I allow it, if I am not careful, present, discerning.  I know I am not alone in my challenges.  I know there are many broken and distracted hearts out there in our beautiful world.  I am wondering when I will be truly whole enough to help them.  I know it all starts with me and I am putting my thoughts and energy into myself, not outside somewhere.

Without me, there is no story.  Without me, there are no victories, or losses to learn from.  Without me, there is no game and while I have suffered, I have also overcome.  While I have lamented, I have also rejoiced.  While I have cried, I have also laughed so hard, tears of joy have streamed down my cheeks onto my chest.  I have been soaked in joyful tears, as well as sorrowful ones, and I will always choose to overcome and bounce back.  

I will always choose joy.

But what if others around aren't joyful?  What if they do not choose joy?  Well, don't worry about them.  Just be the joy and they will see your radiance and be perplexed by it.  They won't understand it but they'll be drawn to it.  Just shine your light, no matter what happens and know that with each experience, each joy, each sorrow, we are growing in knowing who we are, what we are, what we want to experience and what we don't.  Don't accept the situation.  Challenge it.  Challenge yourself to be more present, to go slower and to appreciate the abundance, endless choices and possibilities life affords.  Life is really so very magical to me and despite a lot of hardship, I am such a happy person.  Deep down in my soul, I am happy and have enough to spare.  I love to make people smile, warm and happy.   I love to uplift a sorrowful heart.  I love to turn a frown upside down.  :)  Sounds trite again, but it isn't.  Your smiling face is like the rays of the sun beaming out to the world.  If you're sad, let it out.  If you're angry, let it out, get it out, but don't cook while you're doing it.  Do one thing at a time, right on time, and do it well.  You will have less scars in the end and you'll be able to enjoy your dinners and vacations a whole lot more.  

If nothing else, learn from my experience.  It is leading me to what I am to be.

True Love Heals

There are some hurts that go way back.  Some hurts go as far back as to when we were first created.  In the realm of all possibilities, some of us were planned and waited upon with sheer delight and excitement, and frankly, some of us were accidents, mistakes, unwanted, and even burdensome.  To that end, we came in whether we were wanted or not, and we kicked and screamed settling down into our new homes, new lives and new families.

We are all so unique while sharing so much in this life experience.  All one needs to do is ask the person sitting next to them and they will tell you their version of this experience.  There have been millions of stories, plays, books, novels and epic movies and documentaries written describing the journey from embryo to elder, all very different one from another.  With all the commonalities, why all the differences?  Why all the unique experiences?  Why don’t we all just shuffle in through the conveyer belt of life, travel on down the ramp to get shot out into space and call it a day?  Why not just be enveloped by stars and comets and nebula?  Why the human interactions if we’re star beings? 

Because we are Spirit having a human experience. 

We’ve all heard that one by now, and if you haven’t, well chew on that for a mOMent, if you will.  If you cannot relate to Spirit, perhaps this is a good time to review your life experience looking for the Divine.  Perhaps you’ve not spent enough time in that domain.  Perhaps it’s just not concrete enough for the human in you.  Perhaps you are the type of human that needs stimuli to believe.

I suppose we’re all like that to some extent needing love and tenderness and caregiving from the moment we were birthed, and those of us that did not get that love, well we probably need a heck of a lot more stimuli to feel alive.  Love is the only truth that gives life.  All else is just a pale substitute that you’ll be seeking more of until you take your last breath.  You will never get enough because it was never meant to fill you.  That’s where the hurt comes in.

As infants, we get what our caretakers were given and rarely does the cycle evolve.  Stories, patterns, reasons, beliefs, myths, legends, all keep the system in place.  When something comes up that doesn’t fit, the caretakers do the only thing they know how, they ask the same source they always ask and get the same answers they have always gotten, resulting in doing the same thing they have always done.  Sometimes, when new inspirations come, as they always do, fear grips the system and the inspiration is left hanging in the wind until it is proven to be effective.  Proof is the bottom line for everyone in third dimensional living.  Seeing is believing so we’ll just do it the way we always have.  That satiates a lot of people.  When people come to expect the status quo, the status quo will always be more than enough.

But what of rebels?  What of revolutionaries?  What of out of the box thinkers?  What of star seed souls that shine light all day, every day, no matter what?  What of those that got the status quo and rejected it?  What of those that came in with their own ideas contrary to the status quo?  What happens to those?

Most adults are conditioned thinkers.  They have been molded by a system that keeps them in a very tight niche.  They are categorized by conditions; health, education, occupation, status, finance, assets, etc.  Most are quick to define even themselves describing the exact path they took to get to this exact place, and why?  Have they arrived somewhere other than where the rest of us are going?  Do they see themselves as separate, divided, in a league all their own?  It’s interesting to note that these are the same adults that bore children and taught them the same conditioned thinking.  Very few believe in magic, joy, or a Divine Omnipotent Being swirling all of this together for the good of all.  The ‘good of all’ is lost on so many because they see themselves as separate, one in the sense that they’re all alone.  They have not come to the realization that everything is being observed and unity is the only way.   Oneness is altogether different and lost of them.  Everything being connected just sounds trite and boorish.

Along with the conditioned thinking is a disproportionate amount of fear based living.  Even if you posses all the money, all the land, all the people, animals and resources in the world, your soul could very well be trapped in fear.  There are moments of happiness, but they don’t last.  There are moments of love and tenderness, but they also do not last.  They can not last when fear based thoughts are lurking in the psyche and sub-consciousness.  On the contrary, a soul that has not embraced the Divine relies on ego and self to navigate the cosmos, is a fear based navigator to say the least, and definitely not a high ranking navigator.  If there were ranks in Spirituality (and there are but they’re referred to as levels), this low ranking traveler would not be the one to follow.  The low ranking path will be one fraught with great contrast to cue up optimum travel which is based in truth, God, love, unity and a oneness that has not taken root in this soul yet.  Contrast will surely separate the wheat from the chaff allowing all souls to rise in levels of consciousness.  The eternal being has a journey to evolve in this experience from the 3D human version to the 5D and higher Spirit Being version.  Where are you in the process and what about the old hurts?  How do we get from third dimensional experience to a fifth dimensional experience?

L O V E.  Love is the way, the only way and the truth of the way of life. 

We withhold so much of ourselves for fear of being hurt, rejected, ridiculed, mocked, abused, taken advantage of…and certainly, some of our experiences have brought us to these feelings of hurt, but you do not have to stay there.  Most people do stay there though.  They have no earthly idea what to do with their hurts or insecurities.  Thank God for Spiritual Healers!  I would not still be on this planet if it weren’t for these God seeking souls.

When your soul is hurt, where do you take it?  Where have you taken your hurts and sorrows for healing?  It’s never enough to tell the story once or twice to yourself, or someone else.  The response, while compassionate, is not powerful enough to move the hurt to healing most times.  Especially, when you are confiding in someone whose soul is in worse shape than yours.  Mirror work speaks to this most directly.  You surround yourself with what you are.  If you have conflict in your life, you are conflicting.  If you have moodiness and sullenness in your life, look in the mirror.  You probably do not smile regularly at the most mundane things.  You may need a lot of stimuli just to feel something, and anything is better than nothing when it comes to the human and the need to feel. 

Human needs five senses to navigate the earth realm; sight, sound, taste, smell and touch.  Through these five senses we determine what we are seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and touching.  When one of these senses dulls, one usually becomes heighted.  If two or more senses fail, the human struggles, ultimately failing in accuracy especially if they solely rely on these senses.  Add trauma, hurt, grief, depression, or sadness to the human and the senses become extremely sensitive (and simultaneously dull) avoiding at all costs those situations that cause more harm by numbing, choosing not to see, not to hear, not to smell and not to taste that which causes discomfort even if it was meant to deliver.  The human does not fully grasp the evolution process like the soul does.  The soul knows the body was never meant to last and that its' decay began day one.  The soul knows the senses are tools and uses them proficiently to find the Divine and that which will live eternally, without suffering, confusion, disease, and dysfunction.  The soul knows this human journey is a fortuitous journey gathering alchemic experiences, hurts and all, and uses every single thing as it was meant to be used.  Nothing is cast aside.  Nothing.  Not one person.  Not one experience.

If Oneness is our anthem, our goal is congruency.

Can you even imagine a world at peace?  What would it take to get us there?  Does it come naturally to you to fold your hands in prayer and ask for directions?  Does it come naturally to you to ask for forgiveness for deliberately hurting someone you love because you needed to feel something that day?  Does it come naturally to you to bow your head to a Creator that is far beyond your comprehension?  Does it come naturally to you to know that your mind is limited in its capacity to think and know?  Or, does your ego laugh at those notions convincing you that it has it all figured out?  Does your ego tell you that it has everything it will ever need?  Does your ego tell tales of past victories won despite the carnage?  How many of us would need to open our hands extending our dirty little palms to the Divine for eternal cleanliness?  How many of us would need to release our tightened, bloodied fists, ask for forgiveness and let down our guard?  How many of us would need to destroy our weapons and artillery?  How many would still want to wear their armor and keep some guns just in case?  That is third dimensional thinking, breathing and fearfully living, and it has run its course. 

Too many rivers run red with the blood of the innocent, mine included.  I’ve shed enough tears to fill an ocean for the innocent, for myself, for all the souls starving for true belonging.  I have never found this on this planet in human form, only in Spirit.  Not yet anyway. 

I have a few very powerful and beautiful souls here, and we all have one thing in common, we love unconditionally, like we’ve never been hurt, and we’ve all been hurt so very, very deeply.

That’s fifth dimensional thinking, breathing and fearless living, and it has only just begun.

When was the last time you forgave someone without them having to ask for forgiveness by saying ‘I’m sorry’?  When was the last time you gave someone your last dollar knowing that you will always be provided for?  When was the last time you gave someone something that they desperately needed without judgement?  When was the last time you spoke to the pain in your body lovingly, asking it why it's there, and what you need to learn from it?  When was the last time you looked in the mirror and appreciated every line, wrinkle, freckle, blemish, or beauty mark?

Do you love yourself and others unconditionally?  Or, do the conditions have to be just right?  3D says the conditions have to be just right.  5D says there are no conditions. 

3D says "Me first"!

5D says "You first".  

I have just typed over 2200 words describing to you the most recent understanding of the state of MY being.  I am choosing this higher, unconditional loving vibration, no matter what.  To that end, I choose to be a very happy, loving, trusting, hopeful, dynamic, God fearing child of the Most High God.  I choose to believe in light, unconditional love, magic, Spirit, Holy Alchemy and a world that is mostly unseen.  I choose to believe in Divine Guidance, Divine Love, Divine Connection and Divine Communication.  I choose to believe in kindness and gentleness.  I choose to believe in a higher family structure where no one is ever hurt, cast out, judged, criticized, mocked, ridiculed, hushed, abandoned, or abused.  I choose to believe in a culture where gifts are shared, valued, encouraged and cultured.  I choose to believe there is room enough and plenty enough for everyone.  There is enough sunlight, moonlight and God light for all to shine, not just a few.  I choose to believe in healing and spiritual health.  I choose the glow from within that even the sun envies.

I also choose to believe in the spiritual heart of the human that is sometimes like a rain filled cloud, electrified in suffering.  It pounds in defiance.  It pounds in pain.  It pounds itself apart in currents just to feel the relief of expansion.  I will always choose to heal and soothe that heart.

All of these elements work together for the good.  One is useless without the other.  We are useless without one another.  We could no sooner learn the meaning of love without one another as we could walk without bones.  Try it.  Try loving without your heart.  Try walking without your bones.  Try having a meaningful life without all of the rest of us.  Sure, you’ll have your preferences, but that’s conditioned love and that’s like having no love at all.

Look around you.  Is your life filled with love?  When people talk about you, do they equate your existence with immense love and compassion, understanding and generosity?  If not, it’s not too late.  You are an evolutionary being and even when you’ve said ‘I’ve had enough’, you are graced with yet another day surely to expand God’s glory and not your fear, but you choose.  Every single second of every single day of your life you choose.  Choose life.  Choose love.  And, then, give it all away. 

When the human’s experience is over, the Soul will surely testify.  What power will your Soul have accumulated?  What will be in your Spiritual Escrow?