Entities All Around

On May 13, 2013, I went to the Relay for Life to take my survivor lap with my dear friend and inspiration Mary-Lou Guisto.  We were both diagnosed with DCIS - ductal carcinoma insi tu, Mary-Lou diagnosed only 5 years ago.  Her cancer was Stage 2 at the time, and progressed to Stage 4.  Mine - Stage 0.  I am cancer free currently and if you've read my blog you know that I suffered complications from the Radiation Treatment.  Today is my last day of prednisone and I am almost fully recovered.

On July 3rd, we laid Mary-Lou to rest.  She was given only 6 months to live after her recent bone biopsy which showed that the cancer had progressed despite the treatment.  She had mastectomies, chemo, radiation, you name it.  She died within 5 years of diagnosis. 

Five years.

What would you do with 5 years if you that's all you had left?

I can tell you that Mary-Lou did not waste a single moment living strongly for her 3 surviving children, who were completely brokenhearted at her memorial, as you can imagine.  Her youngest is still in grade school, her oldest just sweet sixteen.

Words cannot express the love that was in the room at her memorial.  It was palpable.  She had so many people rooting for her to survive, and thrive.  One after the other, people gave their testimonies as to how Mary-Lou had affected their lives all in very positive, loving and funny ways. 

Mary-Lou and I have so much in common.  Both born in August.  Both Leo's.  Both strong heads with big hearts.  She was truly an inspiration to me especially when I was in complete denial that I actually even had cancer.  She was willing and able to help me at a moments notice if that's what I needed.  She told me that she knew all there was to know and if I needed anything, I could count on her despite the fact that she was still going through chemotherapy and the like, all the while taking care of her children and still working a full time teaching job.  That obviously changed this past school season as the cancer had been progressing and she just didn't feel that she could continue with all of her responsibilities.  Very intuitive.

The last few months of her life were spent taking care of herself and her family.  She was as devoted a mother as I've ever seen, as well as a devoted sister.  I can't imagine watching my sister suffer the way Mary-Lou's sister watched her, and eventually having to say goodbye to her.  Mary-Lou was given 6 months at her last doctor's visit.  She only lived less than 20 days after those words were spoken to her despite her best efforts.

A few weeks ago, we spent our last few hours together not knowing that this was the case.  I brought her to a healer - the same healer that I had visited recently.  She jumped at the chance to go and see him.  Even though I have been so under the weather, I wanted to be there and take her there, so I drove her.  I realized pretty quickly that she wouldn't have been able to drive herself as it was a ways away.  She was willing but her flesh was weak. 

We went for a late lunch afterward and then said our last goodbyes.  I never thought in a million years that would be the last time I would see her.  She looked great except for the fact that her belly was swelling (liver).  She was pretty cheerful despite her being uncomfortable.  She said "I feel the entities around me".  I couldn't feel them but I certainly believed her. 

If I had a second chance to speak with Mary-Lou, I would thank her for her courage and support.  I would hug her so tight and pray so very hard for her.  Harder than I did.  I would have asked her a million questions about the 'entities' and I would try so very hard to mend her broken heart.  She lived for her children and the past 5 years fighting were all about them.  She pushed harder than anyone I know, not for herself, but for her babies.  At our last lunch together I asked her point blank how she does it.  She reached in her purse and pulled out 3 school pictures;  one for each child.  She said "this is how".  Yeah.  She was a strong warrior never warring for herself, but selflessly warring for her family.  She would have given anything to stay here to raise her family and I would give anything to have her back.

I wonder why God would take Mary-Lou and leave me here for a little longer, I mean, I have no children, just 3 devoted cats.  My marriage is broken.  My family is all together not together and I really don't have the kind of roots that she had.  It makes me crazy.  She should've survived.  Damn cancer.  I hate it.  

I have a few more friends that are fighting this nasty disease and I am horrified by the prospect.  I understand that physical, human life is temporal and fleeting but when you're in the thick of illness, it seems so very real and long suffering.  I pray for the cure.  I pray that this country would be less driven by money and more driven by compassion.  BTW, hemp oil has been proven to cure cancer without any side effects.  Why the hell isn't America getting behind these studies and making this plant based drug available to everyone?  Well, we all know the answer and that's the real cancer in this world.  Greed.  Money.  Profit.  It's pretty disgusting.  That being said, I will continue to keep the faith and fight the good fight.  I will never surrender.  I will never give up on myself, or any of my friends who are fighting.  I will always believe that this is beatable.  Mary-Lou did not die in vain and while I love having Angels in heaven, I would have much rather done the Relay for Life with her in 2014 then to walk my lap alone.  It's just not fair. 

To Mary-Lou:  I love you dear one.  I will pray for you and your family for the rest of my life.  I am looking forward to seeing you in my dreams, in my inspiration, in my hopes and thoughts.  I know that you are all Spirit now, fully and completely.  You paved the way for me with your life and now you are paving the way for me with your human passing.  I look forward to seeing you again my friend.  Thank you for your last words to me:  "Thank you so much my friend.  Immense love xoxo".  I say the same right back to you.  Sleep with many Angels Mary-Lou and please, visit often, stay late, and impart your heavenly wisdom to me.  Trust me, I need it.