While the person typing these words now, is the same as the person who typed the words that began this blog, oh so long ago, the person, me, I am in no way the same.
Funny thing, evolution. It really changes you :) hopefully, and consistently, for the better.
I really am a work - in progress.
My soon to be ex-husband (there, I've said it), gave me a compliment recently with regard to my being able to change for the better, consistently. I really appreciated that compliment. It's one of my better qualities that I have worked hard to cultivate. I say that in a humble and grateful way, and in no way arrogantly.
I started out on a really rocky road, and perhaps the road is not pebble free at this point either, and narrow as it may be, it suits me.
I am contemplating my next tandem skydiving adventure. I love the adrenaline rush. Adrenaline is a friend of mine, if it's not too late in the day. It works very much like caffeine in my body - it lasts, and last, and lasts. I have a lot of respect for caffeine, adrenalin, and gravity, make no mistake, but I am looking for some radical experiences in this lifetime. I am not passive in that way. At least not anymore.
Life, my beloved, is too short.
I've been, in the last year and a half through what feels like a death in my soul and I am only now emerging. I was silent because my heart had no words. I recoiled into myself, metamorphosis in the mind of the soul, to heal and process and become what I am to be.
More than likely a mystic, a shaman. Karl Rahner was quoted as saying "The Christian of the future will be a mystic or he will not exist at all". I can totally relate to that.
God has used my mistakes to soften my soul and widen my minds' eye in ways that even I probably cannot comprehend. I am not the same.
Geez, my forties have been amazing. Hard and soft. Bitter and sweet. Kinda like my thirties, my twenties, and my teens. I really am smiling and laughing as I type these words because, what are my fifties going to be like?
My fifties, which are not going to be around for a while ... I might add, are going to be exactly what I desire them to be. I am called to pray, ask, believe.
and you
if you are receptive
I am receptive to the love and presence of God. I have a consistent desire to be filled to overflowing with the energy that is of God, which in my soul I know be love from a force of fierce protection, guidance and wisdom.
He truly gives us the desires of our hearts.
It's only a question of what we want, and if we can handle what we get as a result of our asking, believing and receiving.
I sit on the front end of a marriage that I would've died for, but couldn't save, as hard as I tried. A marriage I vowed to honor, in the sight of God and friends and witnesses. I asked God for this marriage, I prayed for it and it came, God gave our marriage to us. We were together for fifteen years, married ten. Would I consider it a failed marriage? Perhaps, perhaps not.
Failed marriage is a tough pill to swallow. It wasn't a complete failure. Nothing is. We are better people because of it. Maybe we'll even be better friends.
Jimmy and I will always be deeply connected. I love him and consider him to be part of my family in life. Forever, husband or no husband. It's all good. My God works all things . . .
By the way, just to honor the Most High God, here are a few basic “God terms” that are commonly used within Hinduism:
Om–God as Divine Sound
Bhagavan–God as Supreme Personality,
Isha–God as Supreme Lord
Purusha–God as Supreme Man
Brahman–God as impersonal force or energy
Sat–Supreme Permanence
Cit–Supreme Consciousness
Ananda–Supreme Bliss
Satya–Supreme Truth
Mahesha–the Great Lord
Tat–That
Tattva–Absolute Truth
Eka–the One
Ahhhh there is power from On High people - can you hear me?
So, I pray for myself, as well as everyone else that unspeakable joy and love, peace, guidance and protection, good health, great relationships, abundance, friends and companions, family, freedom - all the things we basically have now, but even more, would be ours all the days of our lives.
and God, when, in your Grace you bestow upon us even more, help us to hold these gifts with tender care and help us to use them to return to you the great success that you have ordained.
I'm praying bigger this time.
I'd rather risk it all, then play it safe, especially if God is on my side.
